Thursday, September 13, 2007

Things which have no business surprising me.

1) Britney Spears getting called "fat" after her performance at the VMA's.

I mean, dude. She must be up to...what, like 120 pounds now! How does she go out of the house like that?!!?!?

*insert exaggerated eye-roll*

People, please. I would give Jason's left testicle to be as "fat" as Britney Spears.

If you want to call the girl a freaking train wreck, help yourself.
If you want to say her "stylist" should be dragged into the street like a dog and shot, then please feel free to do so. I mean, a bikini? How gauche.

But she's not fat. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

2) Someone just screamed "Fug you!" to someone else in the hall. Except they used the real bad word and I didn't because I'm trying to cut down. I owe myself like four hundred dollars in my "cussin' jar" and it might be to chilly to wear capri's soon so I'm trying to keep the bad words to a minimum.

(Except don't tell anyone, okay, but "Happy Ass" is my new favorite curse. That and "Piddle Dick" which technically contains no curses, but makes me laugh my happy ass off.)

I have no idea if they were serious or not. Around here, there is a definite possibility.

Also, it sounded like a woman so no matter how incorrect the other person was, the entire incident will be blamed on PMS or raging hormones, or menopause.

3) This morning? This guy in a really big truck decided that instead of waiting for the road to be clear to make his left hand turn he would instead just pull his really big truck in front of everyone? He got flipped off a lot.

I might have been one of the people flipping him off. I have no recollection of these events.

4) I saw my mom on Saturday and for the hinty eleventh time she decided to tell me how ugly my hair is. She asked me if I was dying it black and if I was goth now or something and then proceeded to tell me that long hair is ugly and makes you look old.

I don't know why she does this. But she does it every single time I see her. God forbid we just have a nice visit free of commentary about my personal appearance.

5) I am already placing bets on who will win The Biggest Loser.

I'm betting myself, mind you.

I'm nobody's fool.


nailgirl said...

Yeah well my mom does the running commentary also, only it's about everything. Currently.......... she is banned from my house, because get out of jail free card or not, I need a break.

Lisa said...

Your mother is stupid. I cut my hair short once when I was 30 and it made me look 5 years OLDER. I will NEVER do that again...

Too soon to tell who is going to win BL. I don't know how that old guy lost all that weight in one week but I'm thinking he probably bulked up before he went and then diuretic-ed out the night before the big weigh in. My favorite part of that whole show is when they have lost all the weight at the end and how good they look. Did you see the guy who won last years contest? He has gained back like 50 pounds....

Adventures in Baby Fat said...

My mom isn't so much like that, but my grandmother (who lives with my mother)? Full of that business. Full of it! She loathes long hair as well. Yes, makes you look old, unkempt, just fell out of bed, blabbity, blabbity, blah, blah. Still? I have waist-length hair. Maybe it makes me look old. Or plain. Or messy. But my Jason enjoys that just out of bed look. Haha.

No fair waging bets and not sharing. No fair.

Angie said...

I just love your posts. No other commentary. Just love them.

Kimberly said...

I love your hair. Just sayin'.

Christie said...

I wrote something very similar about Britney Spears yesterday. It's ridiculous that people are talking about her figure. Grr.

Allison said...

This is the first time I've commented so I just have to say that you are hilarious, I love reading your posts. Now that I'm done kissing your ass (LOL), I completely agree about Britany, she was awful, her hair looked horrible, her outfit was a really bad choice but still she's not fat.
As far as mothers go, my mom likes to tell me different ways to lose weight all the time, like maybe I don't know I'm fat even though she mentions it to me constantly. She's a douche!
Keep up the funny stuff, you brighten my day.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Your mom & mine would get along. Apparently, my ass is back & I should watch what I eat. Bitch.

And, my new favorite cuss is asstastic. Thanks to you.

Bad drivers suck, too.

NYOSM said...

Your mother is controlling and obviously jealous of your beautiful hair. It is also possible that she just didn't turn out. I can say this with some accuracy as she is also MY mother. God help us.

I will make a Biggest Loser bet with you (and yes, I did the "ugly cry" throughout the entire show). Instead of money, we can bet a Tab. Then whoever loses (and has to ingest said Tab) will have an excuse for any future wrong doing. It's a win-win situation!

Love you, Sista Boo!

GirlCousinChildC2 says to tell you, "I love Aunt Unicorn!"

CPA Mom said...

I will bet MY happy ass that the old dude wins it. I mean 31 lbs in ONE WEEK? Who DOES that?

Catwoman said...

Sigh, it's official, we do have the same mother. I'm sorry they're so mean to us. But at least, they give us stuff to blog about, right?

my4kids said...

Short hair makes you look older, not younger? Weird.....
I agree on the Britney Spears thing. She's most definetly not fat but yes the bikini thing was a bit much.

Rachel said...

I was shocked to hear people saying how "fat" Britney was. WTF!!! THAT is why so many young girls and women have such horrible body image and self esteem problem. Because of asshats that think that that is fat!