Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Google is your friend. And my friend too.

Who wants to see the Google searches that recently led people to my blog? I do! I do!

“Slave wife blog”

This one is probably the least funny, but it made me laugh the hardest.
Really. It’s not funny. Slavery is illegal.
Except if you are someone’s love slave. That’s okay I think.
I hope so anyway.

“400 pound girl on Maury”

It wasn’t me!

“God loves even you, Jason”

Even you and your bald head, honey.

“I’m cheating on my husband”

Stop it.

“Straighten ass”

I’ll straighten your ass out too. Especially if you are cheating on your husband.

“Obese woman with six kids”

Hey! I only have two kids! Douchebag.

“I don’t care who you are Jason”

I don’t care who are, that’s funny right there.
But I care deeply about who he is, in fact.
Apparently, so does Jesus. He loves even you.

doesn’t want to marry me”

See, this could be good or bad. If say, Michael Vick doesn’t want to marry you? You could be all like, “Woo! YEAH!” But if it’s your boyfriend of thirty-six years that you have eleven children with and you really, really, really want to get married and he doesn’t? Then you should go out with someone else.

“my wife is fat and ugly”

That’s not very nice. I’ll be by to straighten your ass out later.

“fat bitch annoying”

You can just call me Chick.


Catwoman said...

Oh how I love the google searches... Sadly? My most popular one? Is Eskimo Porn. And has been ever since I blogged about, well, Eskimo porn. I had no idea I'd get so many hits because of that post.

frannie said...

catwoman cracked me up! I swear I get about 6 hits a day for breastfeeding p0rn. the ones that bother me are the ones that stay awhile. you know. there long enough to do a deed.

I have the heebie jeebies from it!

Angie said...

I wouldn't know how to find myself with a google search. I'm just glad I found you when I did! : )

Kimberly said...

Good grief...people really do have too much time on their hands, don't they?

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Since I stuck Feedjit on my blog, I can see what kind of searches led people to me -- but only if I note them down as they happen. There have been some really weird ones recently too. I keep meaning to paste them into Notepad and then blog them some time, but keep getting distracted. Or busy and forget.

How did you find a list of google searches for your blog? Please divulge. I'd like to see mine, lol. *shudder*

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Omg, I didn't even know there was such a thing as breastfeeding p0rn or Eskimo p0rn!

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't know how to find myself on a Google search, either.

I'm sad.

J said...

Do share Chick. Do share!

Edie said...

That's hilarious! I like looking at those search entries too. Where do people come up with this stuff?

Morgan Leigh said...

WTH? How'd you find out that people found your site that way? I guess Blogger doesn't do that, huh?

Those were so funny, my hubby gave me weird looks I was laughing so hard. :) :)

Twisted Cinderella said...

bwahahahahaahah!!! That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time.

Lisa said...

What about "Jason Loves Jesus"?

on a completely unrelated note: I am reading a memoir by Jen Lancaster and I think? she is you. With the question marks in the middle of sentences and the snark and all...if you haven't read her, read the second book first...I don't have it in front of me but I think it's called something like "Bright Lights Big Ass" or "Big Ass in the City" or something, I know it mentions? a Big Ass. (note question mark in middle of sentence...probably used partial? to three dots...myself)

Mikey said...

ROTFL!!! You're the best. I'm getting weird looks from the hubby too, wondering why I'm laughing over here.

Please don't ever stop!!!

Karin's Korner said...

Dear Chick,

I have just finished reading your entire blog and I have a few things to say. You by far are one of the funniest people I have come in contact (even if it is on the computer) with. I would soooo want to be your neighbor so that we could sit on the porch and talk crap about the other neighbors and their children.

I was really hoping that by the end of the blog, yes I went in order, you would have been pregnant and had or about to of had a baby.

You made me laugh out loud at work, in my office but at work no less (probably cause I am suppose to know...working here,

I do have one question for you though and I don't think that it has been brought up at all, maybe it has and it is just none of my business but, you can tell me that if you want to... How come the douchbag sperm donor does not pay child support? Maybe Jason could adopt your children, I mean they are his already right?? I have a douchbag X also.

So, to close this.... I could so be your friend, someday when you come to visit in NC (and yes, I am in Eastern NC because this is where my husband is and I kinda like him :) You should get in contact with me because we would so laugh and are too funny!

Rachel said...

I don't know what's funnier, the google searches or your commentary!!

Maremone said...

I just found you through GFF. You are freakin Hilarious! I totally bookmarked you!

The searches are funny but creepy all at the same time!