Saturday, December 22, 2007

Someone just go ahead and call CPS now.

Recently my lovely family and I were all sitting around the table having dinner. My husband mentioned that one of his employees had called in sick to work that day.

I? Did not like this woman. He no longer works with her because he is now manager of another branch, so it's a non-issue, but I didn't like her. At all. There was just something about her that irritated me. Possibly the fact that she was very blatant about her desire to sleep with my husband. I'm not sure.

Anyway, being the extraordinarily inappropriate individual I am, I said, "What was wrong with her? A case of acute gonorrhea?"

Jason shrugged and gave me a half-smile.

Girl Child, nodded, sadly. "I've had that."

Jason and I exchanged glances.

"You? You've had acute gonorrhea?"

"Yes," she nodded sadly again. "It was horrible!"

"Girl Child," I said, trying to control the maniacal laughter rising up from my soul, "you've had ACUTE GONORRHEA?"

"Yes," she said wisely. "It was explosive."

"Girl Child," I said, steadily. "Diarrhea?"

And she replied, "That's what I said. Explosive gonorrhea."

I am so going straight to hell on a very fast train.

Hey and don't forget to be a whore like me. Leave me a comment here and be sure you post your loot on 12/27/07 for the Second Annual Whore Your Loot Post. It can be for whatever celebration you observe or even for your birthday or heck even if you got something for yourself the day after Christmas and it was on a good sale. Whatever you got, you just have to whore your loot!


Anonymous said...

When? When in the HELL will I learn to NOT drink while reading your posts.

I must go now. I need to wipe coffee off my monitor.

:) :) :) :)

Madame Queen said...

That is priceless!!

Thanks for stopping by my blog. But I have to ask...have you MET Dolly? Cause if you have, I might just have to worship at your feet!

Also, I would love, love, love to participate in the great whoring out of Christmas Presents 2007, but alas, I will still be in the D'wood.

frannie said...

oh that Girl Child and her STD's. when will she ever learn???

Angie said...

Hey there,
explosive gonorrhea, eh? Isn't that how epidemics get started?

You make me laugh.

Angie said...

p.s. How'd you meet "madame queen" she's pretty darn funny!

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

And this all occurred over dinner?


What did you have for dinner?

Goulash? Gravy? Chili? Meatloaf?

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Those kids!! I keep telling you to just register them with the patent office. You'll make millions from their catch phrases.

AndreAnna said...

This literally made me laugh out loud. Too funny!

Tulip Girl said...

I am cracking up. My family is staring at me. I don't care, that was way too funny!

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Hey - I said (in my last comment on your previous post) my braincells weren't working.

NOW I get it. M'kay - I can defo whore my loot with you. That'll be fun.

And omg, I sat here eating an oatmeal cookie, gulping down a glass of milk when I read what GC said. I think I might avoid drinks when reading you blog, in future.

*wipes the keyboards clean of milk spurts*

dawn224 said...

fantastic. How you didn't laugh, I'll never know.

A's Mom said...

Too funny!! BTW, I wanna whore my loot too! Hope you have a very merry christmas and get everything you want... and maybe more!

Kimberly said...


I nearly woke the kids up laughing over that.

Anonymous said...

Ghonnoreah/Diarreah...same difference..No?

Rebecca said...

Seriously, Chick, explosive gonorrhea at her age? You really need to give that kid a bit more adult supervision....HAHAHA.

Joy T. said...

Stopping by to wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS...and just spit tea all over my monitor!! There is nothing like starting the chaotic holiday with the words "explosive gonorrhea" ringing in my ears.

Julie said...

Girl child is classic. Make sure you remind her of that when she's in high school or college - she'll get a good laugh at herself!

SJ said...

My Goodness. That was great. Totally fantastic.

Emma in Canada said...

If I can get the computer to upload a pic I shall whore my loot.

Your daughter is too, too funny.

EE said...

I love girl child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blue Tissue Box said...

As always, hysterical. Your children crack me the eff up.

Btw, I'm in. I've whored my loot. :)

Merry Christmas Chick!

Rachel said...

Let's just hope that she doesn't decide to share that little illness with her teacher or something!