1) If you have absolutely no idea where you are going, why do you have to go there in rush hour traffic?
2) If you don’t have time to put your make-up on before you leave the house, why do you feel it’s appropriate to do so while driving in your vehicle?
3) How you not stab yourself in the eye with your mascara? I do that regularly when I am standing in my house which does not shift nor move.
4) Why do you feel that it is my responsibility to stop for you as you illegally drive across the median and swerve across two lanes of traffic and directly in front of me so that you can get to the exit you desperately need instead of, you know, just going to the next exit ONE MILE AWAY and turning around if you can not safely exit? Because guess what? I’m not stopping.
5) Why is bad behavior rewarded? I mean, seriously? Why do people who behave like complete jackholes, especially in a work setting, get coddled by the people they work for? Are they afraid they are going to snap and kill everyone? I mean, why doesn’t someone, anyone, just say, “Your behavior is unacceptable and I will not tolerate it and security will now be escorting you out”?
6) If you have an infant and that infant is behaving in a manner in which you feel is inappropriate and you feel like you want to do something like, you know, microwave your baby? Then please send your baby over here to me. My infertile ass would appreciate and love it even if it was crying.
7) After you go to the bathroom, why do you look at it? I mean, you know what’s going to look like. Why is it necessary to review it?
8) If you in a position of equal authority with me, why do you feel that I will make copies for you merely because I have a vagina? My uterus does not give me any different rights to the copy machine. Please rethink your asshatery regarding this situation.
9) If you are thirty-five minutes late for training and get pissed at me, the trainer, for “starting without you” please, please, Oh Lord PLEASE tell me what kind of illegal substances you are partaking in for you would have to be on crack cocaine to be that kind of ballsy to me.
10) Why haven’t I been offered the Queen of The World position yet?