Thursday, January 10, 2008

Sometimes you're the bug.

This morning, it was raining.

Not just any rain. The super hard, flooding, pouring down rain that renders every driver in my fair city completely incapable of driving down Interstate 40 without their foot jammed firmly on the brakes of their vehicle. Because jamming your foot on the brakes in the middle of huge puddles of water is a great idea. Clearly.

But it didn't matter. Yesterday, I was great. Today, I was going to be even better.

Traffic was an absolute nightmare, but as I got closer and closer to my office, the rain started clearing. Because today? I was going to be great.

There was absolutely no parking anywhere. I couldn't even find a spot in the dirt lot that I sometimes resign myself to parking in. I had to park somewhere in approximately Canada and hoof it up a really big hill to my office.

No matter, I told myself. It's good exercise. It's not that hot today. Today? I am going to be great!

Less than 1/4 of the way up the ginormous hill? It started raining again.

Really, really hard.

No matter, I told myself. I have a hood on my jacket. I'll just pull it over my head so my hair doesn't frizz. Because today? I'm going to be great.

It was raining so hard I could barely see in front of me. For some reason, perhaps Satan's influence on the cruel world, there were absolutely no trees in the area I was walking so I couldn't even shelter in place. I had to continue walking up the hill. In my Crocs, which were arguably my worst choice for the day. My socks got wet. I stepped in a huge mud puddle and my socks were not only wet, but covered in mud. My pants legs were so wet I could literally wring the water from them. My underwear was soaked.

No matter. It was going to be a good day. I was determined.

My jacket became so wet that it weighed about five pounds. I was soaked from head to toe. Even my hair got completely soaked. Unfortunate, I thought. But not the end of the world. My hair, even when a bit frizzy, is totally banging. Besides. I was going to be great.

My co-worker chuckled at how wet I was and I said, "I know! I'm a fright. Good thing I'm so damn sexy and it doesn't even matter."

In front of the project manager and an auditor.

Yeah.

But it doesn't matter, I thought. Because today was going to be great.

I slipped on a huge puddle of water in the hall, skidded about fifteen feet, and landed, firmly, into an enormous FireKing cabinet. My co-worker declared me a safety violation and made me a yellow and black label that said "Hazardous", which he stuck to the back of my shirt. I went to the bathroom and looked at the huge, purple bruise on my boob.

But I thought to myself, somewhat desperately, today was going to be great! Right? Wasn't it?

I went to the morning meeting and the auditor did not mention any issues that seemed notable. Some minor crap, but nothing big. So even though my pants were dripping as though I had peed them, I was certain, once again, it would be a good day.

The auditor then took me into an office and told me for three hours how much I suck.


Yesterday I was the windshield. Today I was the bug.


But I didn't cry. I held my head up high.


Even though it was really, really, really not a good day.

41 comments:

Wenderina said...

Damn. I hate it when a low follows a high, it's such a long way to fall. But good for you for (1) holding your head up, and (2) laughing about it through your blog. Class and grace...(well except for the bruised boob part..)

Allie Bear said...

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I tell myself that...a lot! Good for you for keeping such a positive outlook on the day even though it ended up sucking balls! Hope tomorrow is better for you.

frannie said...

I'm not even sure why, but that really made me cry.

maybe 'cause I'm a bug, too. today at least.

Jenski said...

That is a wonderful attitude to have. Congratulations on sticking up for yourself with the auditor too. Just think, the day after a really, really, really not good day is that much better, right?

BS said...

The day may not have turned out great, but YOU DID.

Angie said...

I'm sorry. What a crappy day. Kinda like my yesterday. Tomorrow's Friday. Hope that helps. . .some.

Heather said...

I'm sorry it was not a good day. Does it help that it totally cracked me up?!

Melissa said...

Damn. What a crap sandwich. Well, the truth is that you don't suck. Obviously. Besides, I think people who grow up to be auditors were the tattle tales in elementary school.

Thanks for stopping by earlier. :-)

Creamy Silver said...

Or as I say: Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.

At least we have great hair! ;)

Kimberly said...

I wish you really could park in Canada. And stay here. =( I hate those feeling-like-the-bug kind of days. Mine was Tuesday. ~hugs~

Bunny said...

You hang in there, honey. You ARE great you are AMAZING. Those f*ckers should be ashamed of themselves. They get off on telling sweet people that they suck.

Real Life in South Carolina said...

Girl, you stuck through that day way longer than I would have! I definitely would have crawled back into bed. You made it through the day and you held your head up high. You really are my hero!

jan said...

Oh, man.

Suzy said...

Look at the bright side, you made it sound funny and that's really harder than getting yelled at.

JustRandi said...

Dangit! I was counting on yesterday to pull you out of that funk.
So sorry about your day-o-crap.

theotherbear said...

Holy crap, you got through all that so much better than I would have.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

Oh sh*t. I'm sorry hon. You're still ridiculous kewl though. I'm sorry about the rain and your boob and the a-hole auditor. Tomorrow I hope you're the windshield again.

MDA said...

You know the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield?

His butt.

Kellie said...

It's okay. You still rock. Wet hair and all!!

Blue Tissue Box said...

Ouch. Here's to today, and you having fabulous hair and a fabulous attitude after such a rough day yesterday.

It's Friday, it has to be good, doesn't it?

Morgan Leigh said...

Oh, man I would've choked that person. Geez. Sorry you had a crappy day. :( Things will get better. :)

Karen and Bill said...

You. Must. Find. A. Different. Job. For your sanity. OMG you poor bug -- er-- I mean Chick! LOL Chin up, kiddo. It's FRIDAY today and that means the weekend is almost here!!!!

CPA Mom said...

Your boobie bruise matches the one on my ass from falling down the stairs.

Man, I've been the bug more than I can count. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. WINDSHIELD Today!

Priscilla said...

Honestly! Three hours! Holy crow! Three hours! I just can't get over that. An audit is to find and correct problems, not lynch the hired help. Unless the higher ups are completely felonious and are trying to prosecute the underlings and save their own asses.

You think?

Fine For Now said...

What a horrible horrible day. But, what a good attitude to have :o)

stepmomof2 said...

Sorry your day sucked, but glad you were able to keep a smile on your face :-)

Amy W said...

Good Grief...and you are much stronger than I am! I would have been crying in the first five minutes...

Emma in Canada said...

My advice would be to tell those fuckers to fuck off and quit your job. You need an employer that deserves you. And these people? DO NOT.

Shari said...

Hugs, poor girl.

Catwoman said...

I'm so sorry... But that just means that TOMORROW will be really, really great!

Sabrina said...

Sounds like my week! I'm back from vacation and am definitely blue about it, but damnit, it's a great freakin day. Seriously.

Julie said...

Well crap, if you weren't the bug with a big target on your back. Sorry and I hope today is MUCH better!

Breigh said...

Damn I never would have been able to handle 3 hours of being told how badly I suck. Kudos for putting up with it!

Lisa said...

I can't believe you didn't just turn and go home the minute you got soaked to the bone. That is what I would have done. Although, I don't even rock 10% as much as you, so perhaps it is a fortitude issue. (although I MUST mention, that as you are NOT a nurse you should not be wearing Crocs, as that is the only profession I will allow to wear those butt ugly things without incurring my fashion wrath. you are lucky you rock 95% more than me...hmph)

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

I'm going to beat up that little shit. You tell me his name. Audit this foot up your ass, buddy. I'm proud of you for holding your head up high.

Captain Steve said...

Was told to read your blog by the good (?) people at Ask and Ye Shall Receive and am very thankful to them for it. Sorry your day sucked, but your blog is hilarious (incidentally, your earlier post about the store and your husband? yeah, he really was lucky not to have your foot up his ass.)

I am Trish Marie said...

Seriously, I have to look up to you. I would have been crying well before I made it up the hill in the rain. You managed to make it through three hours of torture AND stand up for yourself.

my4kids said...

Wow that was a bad day! I'm so sorry. Good for you though arguing that point!

Lil Mouse said...

awwww

Edie said...

YIKES! Yeah, you were the bug that day. How awful!

Rachel said...

I hope today you are the windshield!! And, that rain? We had it on Tuesday last week and OMG, it was awful!