Saturday, January 19, 2008

That's just your jive talkin'.

I realized recently that I'm hiding in plain sight.

My name is in the phone book and if you Google my phone number, you could have a map to my house (good luck finding it though! There are advantages to living in the city in the Land Of One Way Streets). There are pictures of me, my husband, and my kids on this blog, and Jason is my husband's real first name. This blog? Not private. Anyone could find it. Some people have been finding it (as evidenced by Senorita Sassypants and all the rudeass comments she's been leaving lately). My husband has even been coming around lately. My husband, the most private man in America. The man who would, a year ago, have officially freaked the freak out if he knew I had a blog, now encourages me to blog my feelings and ask "the internet" their opinions on our personal situations. He still doesn't read my blog, but that's cool with me. Because sometimes I just need to talk about his bald head and not have him read it.

I post about the crap in my life. My weight, my job, my rejection letters (just one, so far, but the year is young!), and my questionable parenting skills. I haven't brought myself around yet to post about my children's birth (it sucked) or The Number Which is My Weight (too much) or the friend who used to be my friend and who isn't my friend anymore and how freaking sad it all makes me. I also hope I post about the good stuff in my life. My kids and how freaking happy they make me, mostly. My husband and how freaking happy he makes me, usually. My dog, my friends, Diet Pepsi. The best things in life.

I've made friends. I've made enemies. Well, probably not enemies. But people that don't think I'm cool.

And it's all okay.

I'm getting to the point that I'm not afraid.

Because what's good about blogging outweighs anything that might be bad. Writing here (and my therapist) helps me to not go off the deep end. Yesterday? I was thinking about how I had written about how angry and upset I'm getting in life and how things just suck. And you know? They do. Man, do they suck right now. But also yesterday? When I wasted two hours of my life that I'll never get back sitting through a meeting because someone else was a complete idiot? And I REALLY REALLY REALLY TIMES HINTY BILLION wanted to turn around to him and say, "OH MY GOD I WILL KILL YOU!" I didn't. I did nothing. I said nothing. Because I realized that wouldn't be me. And I don't have to be like that. I don't have to be so angry. I don't have to, you know, shriek at him, even though he really freaking deserved it.

I can just blog about it instead.

Because, you know, he's lucky my foot is not in his ass. Because blogging is making me a better person.


Or at least one who has something to say.

17 comments:

Wenderina said...

Exactly.

frannie said...

I know your blogging makes me a better person!

Jenty said...

I often wonder whether I'm saying too much. Too many people I know, know about my blog, so I've got to be careful how I word things now... and that's not cool!
I find blogging very cathartic.

SJ said...

Amen sista!

sleeping mommy said...

Chick I know what you mean. (And that's one of the many reasons why I love coming to your blog)

I've had my own concerns over the years and I do try to remain anonymous on my blog but its not that difficult to find it if you search my name.

My inlaws know about it and have read it. I shocked my motherinlaw with an old post on my blogspot site about a one night stand before I married her son.

Old classmates have found me and read on a regular basis.

I still bare a lot on my blog but I'm careful too. There are some things that are off limits but in the end, the blog is for me--its my therapy (I wish I had a therapist--good for you for taking care of yourself girl) and its also for me its a record of our lives and my children's lives.

Angie said...

I just got excited at the thought that I'll know your name one of these days.


: )

Kimberly said...

The side effects of blogging can be quite lovely.

Because I know I'll blog about anything and everything going on in my blog, I sometimes make the better choice...so I won't have to blog about it. Weird, eh?

dennis said...

Rock On Gurl!!

Lil Mouse said...

i only recently put pictures of myself on my blog, due to people like you who aren't afraid. gives me confidence. unfortunately, i'm a little afraid of being found. i dont want to have to curb what i write just because someone might see it, you know?

katydidnot said...

foot in the ass guy is happy you're blogging i bet.

Tara said...

Oh.My.WORD!!! I just found your blog and I am just so darn glad I did! First of all you are hilarious- thanks for my first real laugh of the day! Second of all it was like reading my own thoughts!

I plan to visit often :)

Sabrina said...

I totally agree with you and you inspired me to "come out" also. NO sense in hiding my blog from the one assphat in the world that I don't want to find it. Why make the 30 people in my life that I want to use my blog to communicate suffer because of jerkface, so YOU GO GIRL! Keep blogging because I love reading your stuff!

EE said...

Well said!!!!

EE said...

Well said!!!!

Shari said...

I think the same thoughts about my blog and I finally came to the conclusion that if they are going to seek me out and step into my world then they can know what I think about them too and in the end, we'll all probably be better people for it.

Jenski said...

I have definitely become more aware of what I write in my blog. When I started, I sent an email to most of my friends letting them know but left my family off. My roommate just "outed" me to them. It's only a matter of time before my sister wants to know what's on there. I say who cares if people find out! Friends and family probably get to find out things you would have otherwise told them but it never occurred to you to do so.

Rachel said...

I'm not sure what blogging has made me, but I do know that I love doing it and love everything about it!