Saturday, May 03, 2008

When I'm sixty-four. Even.

This morning, I woke up early. I can't seem to turn my clock off, so I keep on waking up early, even when there is no real reason to do so.

Jason was still sleeping, his back to me.

I remembered his mom saying to me once, in reference to how long my parents had been married, "I can't imagine having to look at the same face every day for fifty years!"

I traced the curve of his back with my hand, the way I've done a million times before. He made a happy noise, in his sleep, and snuggled further into the pillow.

I never thought I would marry this man. Never in a million years. He was twenty-three when we met, single and living in a bachelor pad. I was twenty-four and divorced and had two infants at home. He was anti-marriage. I wasn't anti-marriage, but I wasn't looking for anything serious either. I was never, ever going to marry him. It didn't make sense. He was a boy. A boy to have fun with, not marry.

But I always thought I would remember him. I would remember the curve of his back while he slept. I would remember the way he smiled. I would remember how he hurt me also, and how much it sucked, but how much it helped me too. How very real it all felt and how powerful that someone could hurt me quite that much. He changed my life...he changed me, forever.

We were both twenty-seven when we married. July 12th, 2003. Fifty years from that date we'll be seventy-seven years old. That is, if we live that long, which is not likely, given my husband's pack a day cigarette habit and my propensity for extremely bad luck. I probably will never even get the opportunity to look at the same face every day for the next fifty years.

But I could. If I had the chance. I really could.

23 comments:

Angie said...

You see. . .THIS is why you need to write. This was beautiful.

Love Bites said...

I would like to find a face to wake up to every day for the next 50 years.

Missybw said...

One word - magic.

Allie Bear said...

Awwwww, that's so cute and it didn't even make me want to puke.

frannie said...

that is so sweet.

and I feel the same way.

about my husband.

Not about Jason.

nothing against Jason, but I've never even met the guy.

Heather J. said...

Very nice.
Has Jason read it?

Heather said...

How beautiful!

Kimberly said...

I don't know, hun. Sounds like you're pretty darn lucky after all. =)

DND said...

Those book people don't know what they are talking about...you are a great writer. This is just about the sweetest thing I've ever read, and I didn't even need an insulin shot afterwards.

Jenski said...

I'm glad Jason got over being anti-marriage. :)

Caffeine Court said...

That was so beautiful. I hate my husband right now, so it's nice to hear that someone is in love! :)

Catwoman said...

If that's not the most loving post ever, I don't know what is.

Manager Mom said...

ahhh...the sleep noises...make MM happy, whether they come from husband or child....

I am Trish Marie said...

That, my friend, was perfect.

Sarcasta-Mom said...

Awwwwwwww :)

Morgan Leigh said...

How very sweet.

Amira said...

Oh! You ALMOST made me cry, Chick.

Almost.

That was very touching, very real, and very...makes sense-ish.

Put this one in your book.

EE said...

Incredible post!

SJ said...

Awwwww! So very sweet Chick!

CPA Mom said...

HP and I married when we were 30 so we'd be 80 if we make it 50 years. I'm not doubting our marriage but I'm doubting my luck too (since I was widowed once already!)

PaintedPromise said...

That? was awesome. seriously. tomorrow is our 8th anniversary but since we were both married before we probably won't make 50 together either, his health isn't the greatest... but because of the cr*p i went through before i met him, i am so thankful for every day we have...

Lil Mouse said...

i totally get it. i love it , love it love it when i'm up earlier than my hubby on the weekend and decide to shower and either before or after i'm rummaging very quietly for clothes, bent over the dresser trying to get out some underwear and i hear a sleepy 'nice butt' and turn around to a big 'ol grin. its like breathing in magic in large doses. a total high. so, i totally get it!

Rachel said...

I know what you mean. Totally and completely.

Beautiful post.