Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Soup of various kinds.

It's still hot as balls in our house. Jason has about six different contractors coming in today so he can get quotes, since he is bound and determined that we are getting a new unit.

In fact, we had an entire conversation about it.

Jason: I think we should get a new unit.
Me: Heh! You said "unit"!

*We both dissolve into giggles like 13 year old boys*

Okay, that was actually pretty much it.

The heat sucks. I think the heat would suck even if I wasn't fat as Holy Hell, but I am, so it's much worse. I'm getting like, elbow sweat. And if you need to know how attractive elbow sweat is let me just tell you. Not very.

Boy Child says this morning: Mom? Does the heat make you angry?
Me: Um, maybe. Why do you ask?
Boy Child: Because you look pretty mad mom.
Me: It's more just the fact that it's 6:30am and I'm not sleeping.
Boy Child: Does not sleeping making you sweaty too?
Me: I'm going to need you to go sit over there now.

I don't know when I became so intolerant. When I was a child I would run around outside for hours in the 95 degree weather and not give a crap if I got sweaty or hot. Now, I'm saying things like, "I'M DYING. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. JASON, COME OVER HERE AND SPIT ON ME."

That's not attractive either.

Boy Child asked me on the way to camp this morning if the air would be fixed soon. I told him I hoped it would.

Boy Child: Good. I'm tired of sitting in ball soup.
Girl Child: And I'm tired of sitting in vagina soup!
Me: Um, your vagina doesn't hang out of your body, so I think you'll be okay.
Girl Child, thinking: I don't want to sit in anyone's ball soup either. I think they might have gotten it on the couch.
Me: OH MY GOOD LORD.
Boy Child: It was Daddy!
Me: IT WAS NOT. NO ONE IS SITTING NAKED ON THE COUCH.
Boy Child: Either way. I'm tired of sweating my cubes off.
Me: Could we just have one day in which we do not talk about scrotums for the love of God?


That's about all that's going on at my house these days.

Good times.

29 comments:

giants fan said...

I would die.


from the heat.

not from the ball talk.

SMILF said...

I can't stand being too hot. I would rather be too cold any day. And sweaty crotch is the worst. That is all. :)

Danger said...

When I grow up, I am going to live in a cave, because I would rather live in a hole in the ground than sweat in my sleep. My sympathies for your sweating elbows and scrotum chit-chat.

prayingtodarwin said...

Vagina soup. I am repulsed, and amused to the point of giggling all at the same time. (I may also still be giggling at my son's glee last night when he kicked me in the crotch at the park "Oh mom! I got ya in the Regina!").

If it can't cool down, I hope your unit (insert Beavis laugh here)gets there soon.

Betsey Booms said...

Our whole world had revolved around scrotum lately in my house.

Don't ask why.

Just know - you're not alone.

Angie said...

Wow. Your conversations are so much more "colorful" than ours are at our house.

And, would the plural of "scrotum" be "SCROTII?" or "SCROTAE?"

:)

Angie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BOTB said...

Haha you kids are hysterical. Sounds just like my family growing up.

Kimberly said...

No advice or platitudes from me. Being hot is just one of those things that drives me over the edge. Sympathies!

J said...

I hate that it's hot as hell in your house, and that you are uncomfortable. But really? You are so funny when these things happen that I can't help but giggle.


Heh. Ball soup. Classic.

SJ said...

Hey I got an idea! Come to Colorado where even when it's hot, it's cool.

Seriously.

We have no humidity. Okay, we have some, but not a ton. It's bearable.

All that ball talk made me giggle too...ya'll are funny.

J said...

add me to the gigglers. your family is awesome, even when miserable. :)

kittyconcerto.com said...

Oh man I'm dying from laughter over here. "come over here and spit on me". aaaaahhhh *wipe away tear* Delightful.

Jenski said...

At least you have humor. Boy, do I wish I lived in your house!

P.S. I just discovered mint skinny cow ice cream sandwiches...I HIGHLY recommend them, especially when it is hot out.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

"Sweating my cubes off."

Damn. Can Boy Child come over here for some comedic relief? I think I could book him at a few of Hotlanta's comedy clubs. Whew! :-)

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Oh, and? I agree with Girl Child and vagina soup. When pregnant with my boy/girl twins? In the middle of a hot Georgia summer three years ago? Damn. I had about five underwear changes a day.

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Omg, I'm laughing so hard. ball soup, cubes...omg.

You would not have liked to have visited me when I lived in the Middle East. If you think 95F is hot? O. My. Frog woman, you woulda morphed into an uber bitch. It was well over 120F for about 9 mos of the year. NINE MONTHS.

Two seasons: hot and hotter.

95F to me now? Balls to that. 100F to me now? CHILD'S PLAY
That shit toughened me UP.
(& that's the ONLY upside to having been out there that long)

I'm flying to Texas in three weeks and I'm all bring it beyotch - I can take yer summer heat.

(seriously. my period needs to END. NOW.)

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Gah. Why didn't I just post that on MY BLOG? (I'm always doing that with comments........sigh.....you get the best of me sometimes chicka:))

DeAnn said...

Good luck with the a/c! Why does it always go out in the middle of freakin' summer???

As the mother of a 3-year-old, I'm wincing with anticipation of much 'ball talk' at my house someday soon!

erin said...

Oh my, so descriptive! Hope things cool down in your house soon. We had a weekend like that a couple of weeks ago and it was pure sweaty, stinky, miserable hell. Makes me beyond cranky too.

imgladyouasked said...

It was really quite pleasant in my part of TN today. Was it any better in your part of the state? I hope you will have AC soon. My AC got fixed before it got really, really hot.

Stephanie said...

Your family is too funny. Sorry about the heat. I am in TN right now and where we are wasn't too bad today, but next week is going to be brutal. So I hope for your sake your air is fixed or a new unit is in.

KiKi said...

I'm feeling you on the heat though hubby just got back from the middle east and keeps telling me to quit mah beefin. On a very humid 97 degree day: "In this kind of weather, we'd wear light jackets over there," he bragged, not noticing the hammer I wielded behind his head. "Try 120 degrees WITH humidity, for months and months."

Jan said...

Freakin' hilarious!!

Breigh said...

I hate the heat so much. Here in the Netherlands it can get pretty humid, although probably not as hot as there. The thing is, they just don't DO air conditioning here, so we just gotta sweat it out.

I totally hear you on the whole fat / elbow sweat thing. How about knee pit sweat, I hate THAT. I have short fat legs and if I bend them in the summer... well, knee sweat.

Bleh. Can't someone put me in a coma and wake me up when I'm thin?

Karin's Korner said...

As you know I live in NC, It has been hot as all get out here lately. Our air conditioner died this past weekend, although we had someone come and fix it Monday, he ran fine for about 10 minutes and then promptly died again. It has been about 92 degrees in my house for the last 4 days. Yes, I know exactly what you mean about elbow sweat.

Last night I was in the shower when my 2 year old grandson decided he wanted to take one to. I was getting out and told him to take off his pants and get in. Let me tell you, he did not want to get out but after he did and walked around with a towel for a while, he laid the towel down on the floor and laid on it. Looked at me and said Grandma, I am at the beach and it is hot. EXACTLY!!

Tara said...

oh good Lord you are funny. Seriously, you make my sides ache from laughing. And considering how completely crappy my days are right now that is quite an impressive feat.

can't
stop
laughing

julie said...

This is not fair. I will be laughing at ball soup all day and people will think I've gone psycho.

EE said...

Growing up, my dad refused to turn on the AC until July 4th. It was unbearable. I feel your pain!!