Note: This is intended to be funny. Please do not bombard me with emails and comments about how much my husband sucks. He doesn't. I'm just tired this morning.
1) The children attend camp in the same city that I work in, therefore I am up at the buttcrack of dawn every morning to take them to camp before work while my husband is still sleeping.
2) Some nights my husband works until 8pm, which means he does not have to go into work until 11am. This means he gets to sleep even later, assured in the knowledge that I will pick up the children and make sure that everyone has a somewhat delicious dinner.
3) If he is abrupt with people they excuse it because either a) he's a man or b) he's not Southern. If I am abrupt with people they think I'm a bitch.
4) He can eat ice cream, cookies, four servings of dinner, and all the bread he wants and he still doesn't have fat thighs. I merely look at those foods and the cottage cheese starts to dimple up and roll around.
5) He smokes. Not that I have any desire to smoke, but it would be good to have something non-prescription to relieve my nerves sometimes.
6) It's really easy with me. He says one little sweet thing and I'm all like, "AWWWWWW!" and forgive whatever stupid thing he has just done to necessitate the sweet thing being said.
7) He can pee standing up.
8) He has never, ever, ever stepped in MY pee in the morning. Ever.
9) He can drive a car that's not a total mom-car. His car goes really fast.
10) He has me as a wife. Because, come on. That's good stuff.