Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Reasons why my husband has a better life than me.

Note: This is intended to be funny. Please do not bombard me with emails and comments about how much my husband sucks. He doesn't. I'm just tired this morning.


1) The children attend camp in the same city that I work in, therefore I am up at the buttcrack of dawn every morning to take them to camp before work while my husband is still sleeping.

2) Some nights my husband works until 8pm, which means he does not have to go into work until 11am. This means he gets to sleep even later, assured in the knowledge that I will pick up the children and make sure that everyone has a somewhat delicious dinner.

3) If he is abrupt with people they excuse it because either a) he's a man or b) he's not Southern. If I am abrupt with people they think I'm a bitch.

4) He can eat ice cream, cookies, four servings of dinner, and all the bread he wants and he still doesn't have fat thighs. I merely look at those foods and the cottage cheese starts to dimple up and roll around.

5) He smokes. Not that I have any desire to smoke, but it would be good to have something non-prescription to relieve my nerves sometimes.

6) It's really easy with me. He says one little sweet thing and I'm all like, "AWWWWWW!" and forgive whatever stupid thing he has just done to necessitate the sweet thing being said.

7) He can pee standing up.

8) He has never, ever, ever stepped in MY pee in the morning. Ever.

9) He can drive a car that's not a total mom-car. His car goes really fast.

10) He has me as a wife. Because, come on. That's good stuff.

24 comments:

Birth Sister Doula Services said...

Amen, sister. Amen.

Robyn said...

All true -- men have it SOOOO easy!

AndreAnna said...

Don't forget that he doesn't have to bleed from his penis every 30 days.

CPA Mom said...

ROFLMAO! Too funny. I needed that and I'm sure you did too!

p.s. Andreanna is right on!

Sugar said...

Hey - are you looking in my windows again?

This is so my life, except for the car part anyways. My poor DH has a behemoth of a minivan for his company vehicle. He he. I have the sporty little hybrid.

Jennifer said...

LOL!!

ahhh... to be a man. :) they do have it pretty darn easy... some days. ;)

my hubby has it pretty easy too, but then the last one on your list.. having you... well that one can go either way for my hubby... good or bad. lol

i can be so loving and caring BUT i can also be a totally crazy BITCH... so i think that it is okay that he has it easy some times. ;) (evil grin!) lol

great post!!

xoxoxox

get some rest & relaxation!!!

Betsey Booms said...

Ah man, I wanted to jump on the "men have it so easy" bandwagon, but alas, my husband doesn't have it this easy. :(

Dawn~a~Bon said...

11. He never has to shave his legs.
12. He never has to deal with cramps.

Smilf said...

HA! Love this. Peeing standing up would be so fab. I hate public restroom toilet seats. ::Shudder::

Allie Bear said...

Yeah men do have it pretty easy sometimes but we have to remember that sometimes it isn't easy, in fact, it's pretty darn hard.
For example:
1) They have no idea if a particular article of clothing is clean or dirty because you do all the laundry. This kind of uncertainty can be hard on a man.
2) They are constantly being told to put the toilet seat down, I mean can't we leave it up for once?
3) They never know what day the maid comes on....what? you don't have a maid? you are the maid? Well, they didn't know that.

See, it's so rough! (snort)

Morgan said...

:) LOLOL. Funniest. Thing. Ever.

prayingtodarwin said...

Umm, I'd just like to point out (as I had to do to my 5 year old son when he tried to assert his male superiority), women CAN pee standing up. Aiming it is an entirely different issue. And then maybe Jason WOULD have to step in pee...

Mean Stepmom said...

LOL Oh boy, I can totally relate. But my hubby has to put up with a crazy psychotic bitchy wife, so it kinda evens out.

Sarcasta-Mom said...

Sounds like the story of my household. I'm the one up in the morning dressing the kids, packing them their lunch for camp, and prying them off each other when they decide to hold WrestleMania in the hall way while I'm trying to shower.

They're soooo lucky to have wives like us........

Smirking Cat said...

Oh, isn't peeing standing up totally over-rated? (As are most things men can do?)

giants fan said...

good stuff indeed!

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

I can pee standing up...can't you?

Stephanie said...

#8 doesn't apply to me though, my husband is too lazy to put the seat back down and grew tired of me bitching about it being left up, he just pees like a girl during the night.

Kimberly said...

I could make a similar list. Problem is, Neil could make one with just one point on it.

- I have to deal with a wife who is, quite often, freakin' nuts!

Catwoman said...

Well, let me beat the trolls to the punch.

He clearly sucks.

Oh, wait, I re-read the list.

I'm amending this comment by saying that it sounds to me like he's just a man.

Girl, did you go and marry yourself to a man? Is that a North Carolina or a Tennessee thang? You crazy Easterners and your silly traditions of marrying those pesky men.

julie said...

Yep. Sounds like you got yourself a man.

KiKi said...

I just stepped on the scale and I'm five pounds heavier, just from READING item #4.

DAMN YOU CHICK. DAMN YOU.

B&K said...

However, on the other hand, if you're a woman, you can:

1) Get doors opened for you
2) Get heavy stuff carried out
3) You don't feel the need to do the grunt thing and chest puffing thing when another male comes around.
4) You don't have to pretend to be macho
5) You know that there is a difference between Ivory, Eggshell, and Tan paint colors, and its okay that you know this.
6) You can get men to kill bugs for you.
7) Its okay to find another restroom because this one is just "too icky."
8) Once a month you can be a crazy bitch and no one blames you for it!
9) On dates you don't have to pay for dinner and a movie.
10) Taxis will pull over for you faster.
11) No one thinks you're weird or gay if you want to stay home and raise your children rather than work.

*Yes, these are generalizeations. Yes I realize sometimes women pay on a date. Yes I realize sometimes women are looked at askance if they are SAHM's. I'm just sayin'.

See? I like being a woman!! :-)

Jenski said...

#10 is the best one! Without it, Jason wouldn't have most of the others. :-)