In most relationships, I think, the responsibilities are divided up amongst the participants. I am blessed to have a husband who loves to vacuum and does more ironing than I've ever done in my entire life, ever. But we divide other things as well.
I am the letter writer. Not surprisingly, I suppose.
So, I'm struggling. Because I know what the right thing to do is, in regards to the most recent letter from my husband's mother. And I cannot. put. the. words. on. paper.
Why are the words, "I forgive you" so freaking hard to write?
I sit down and I start. I thank her for inquiring about my dad. I thank her for inquiring about my children. I thank her for her apology.
And that is as far as I can get. Then? I feel anger.
I think about all the things she said to me that were mean. I think about all the snide comments. All the hurtful things done to my children. All the times that she made it clear that she felt I wasn't good enough for her son. All the times that I was left out and excluded.
And it still hurts.
I mean, I'm a freaking grown-up. I'm an adult. People hurt me and I get over it. Such is life and people get hurt.
But here it is. I am hurt. And I'm having trouble getting over it.
Part of it, I know, is my own issues. Probably, to be fair, a lot of it is my own issues.
I had hope that I would find a family and become part of that family.
It didn't happen. What did happen was that I made my own family and that, thankfully, has worked out pretty well. And I can admit that I am at a point right now that I feel very sorry for Jason's mom. Our family is awesome. She's missed out on a huge amount of really fantastic stuff and she can never get that back.
So I want to forgive a woman who judged me unfairly and who doesn't really know me at all.
I have no idea where to start.