Sunday, November 30, 2008

To be normal.

You know what would be nice?

If I could wake up one day of my life and not be thinking about my ass and how large it is.

Or my stomach and how large it is.

Or my thighs and how large they are.

Or how many Points values something has in it.

Or how I'm going to make it through my work holiday party, which presumably should be a fun good time, because all I'm going to be thinking about is how fattening all the food is.

It would be nice to just be normal. To just wake up and think, "I need to pee" or whatever. To enjoy things like this without worrying about my double chin.

It would be really nice to not slog through the cold, dark rainy days because I feel like I *have* to, instead of because I want to. Trying desperately not to trip and fall on the slick leaves. Feeling like I can't breathe as I climb hills. Knowing the hills are not just a physical challenge, but an emotional challenge as well.

I know this is all normal. I know this is all part of losing weight and coming to terms with everything. I know this.

I just need reassurance that I will do all this and it will work. That someday when I'm happy with my weight that I won't wake up every day and have this consume my thoughts.


I just need to know it's possible.

22 comments:

BS said...

IT IS POSSIBLE .

Amanda Daybyday said...

It's possible. I think you'll always have to keep those points values in mind...but you'll overcome.

Teena in Toronto said...

I've lost and gained lots of weight! It's a neverending battle :(

Meagan said...

You could be thinking of worse things when you wake up, right? That's what I try to tell myself, at least.

You're doing an amazing thing for yourself and setting a wonderful example for your children; so this will be worth it.

P.S. SO EXCITED about the press release!

giants fan said...

I believe in you!

Jos said...

it's possible & you are so on your way there. keep it up!

Anonymous said...

http://www.lynnsweigh.blogspot.com/

Hey Girl, I know I've directed you to my friend before... She's been where you are and is now maintaining for almost two years.

It's inspiring. You will get there, and then have other issues. Sigh. We all do have them.

Good wishes and love, V

Lisa said...

You can do this. You WILL do this. It WILL/DOES work! You are an inspiration...even on your sad days. We all love and support you. (All us "internets" = We)

Dawn~a~Bon said...

**HUGS**

On sparkpeople, I've heard people say TRUST THE PROCESS. It sounds dumb, but I think it's a good thing to remind yourself when you're feeling down.

I am so proud of you BTW. I am SO going to brag that I knew you back when.
;o)

lauriekendrick said...

I also know this battle. I hate it. And frankly, if your metabolism isn't up to par, it gets even more wonky around the time you hit menopause which is exacerbating enough with the mood swings. crying jags and hot flashes. Add gaining weight at the speed of sound and you have misery cubed.

It's mind over matter as I'm learning. You have to be goal oriented. At least that's always worked for me. I'm going to be with a man who just might be the next Mr. Kendrick and although I've lost a great deal of weight in the past year, I want to lose some more before he sees me again. Not for him, but for me. There's nothing sadder than fat chicks with no confidence; unless of course, it grotesquely obese women who should cover up and refuse to do so. Body dysmorphic disorder. They look in the mirror and see skinny white hot bods..not all that different from an emaciated anorexic who looks at her shriveling 98 pounds frame and sees a big old fat sweathog gazing back at her.

Persevere, my dear. Endure the heartaches; the bottoming out which will happen on occasion and by all means, pass by that damn donut shop and don't look back. Don't weigh everyday and have a goal in mind. Giving weight loss a purpose is very helpful. Buy a great dress a few sizes too small and do so with an important event in which you wear it in mind. By your child's birthday; your anniversary--a high school class reunion--whatever, then work towards that goal.

Drink a lot of water. Staynig hydrated is vital. Eat a lot of salads, take Omega 3 Fish Oil capsule and by all means move. Walk, yoga, ride a bike. Being as active as possible will help.

Congrats on making this decision. It's never easy to admit that stairs are very trying and that walking slightly uphill is a total physical chore. It's tough to get winded while performing the most minor of physical exertion.

At my heaviest, I hated the way people looked me over; or completely overlooked me from the get go. The world can be a cruel, cruel place for overweight people. Good to see your trying to change that...Remember; one reality at a time and please be kind to yourself.

Good luck and keep me apprised of your progress.

Best,
LK

A Spot of T said...

It is ABSOLUTELY possible! Because I'm about to undergo the challenge myself and I refuse to have it any other way but possible. One day at a time, every .5 at a time...

Den Relojo said...

As the cliche goes, If there's a will, there's a way.

Anonymous said...

I so feel you. I went to thanksgiving dinner with a heavy heart and an anxious stomache at just the thought of all the food that would be set out in front of me. I spent the last two days not eating to compensate for that one day. Not good. Someday I will be okay with my weight. It is more my goal than my goal weight.
StephanieR

KrustyLynn said...

YOU can do it!!! We all believe in you!!!

AmyBow said...

what makes you think that waking up thinking about your body isn't normal? it is unfortunate, but that is how society has twisted us. i think it is the abnormal woman who doesn't think about weighing herself when standing in the bathroom waiting for the shower to warm up, or posing in front of the mirror while contemplating what to wear.

What should be normal is thinking about it and being content with it. It is what it is, you are working on it, and hey - some people think you are dang sexy just the way you are!

Deanna said...

Never give up...

Wenderina said...

I think you are having an adverse reaction to baking the day before! Not to mention Thanksgiving hangover (where you were so good it hurt). I hate to tell you this, but like any addict - you and I are likely to have to think about this stuff every day. One day at a time. And hopefully at some point the exercise endorphins become more important than hiding under the covers for another hour.

Saphira said...

Keep it up girl! People are right, I know this from experience, soon the "addiction" to exercise comes over you and you will do what you can to make sure it happens! Be good to you and don't beat yourself up!

Tarasview said...

I hear ya.

CPA Mom said...

It sure as hell better be possible because that's all I have to hang on to when I get discouraged in my journey too. We can do this together!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I worry about the end of the universe and contracting anthrax.

I hear you, hon. I hear you. You'll get there, I promise!

SJ said...

It is possible if you put your mind to it, and that's exactly what you've been doing! Don't get discouraged, it may seem like a hell of a long road but it WILL pay off.

I'm so excited about your book that I could pee myself!