I'm sure it's no big surprise that I couldn't sleep last night. I don't sleep well, in general, and lately? I'm anxious. It's worse than usual.
I was up early and a movie I had never seen called Take the Lead. It was pretty cheestastic what with Antonio Banderas dancing around and Alfre Woodard as the tough as nails principal with a heart of gold. I knew how the story would end as soon as it started. Troubled kids with troubled homes. Sexy Spanish man (named Pierre? Okay then) comes in and dances his way into their troubled hearts. They all dress up, go to a fancy ball, win prizes (while dancing really skankily, unfortunately), and life as they know it is better.
And that's good right? That's Hollywood. The credits roll and they all live happily ever after. That's what you wanted to happen. You want the kids from the school of Hard Knocks to "do good". I believe, maybe, the story was even based on actual events.
If you see enough of those movies, I guess, you think it can actually be true. You think that maybe, if you care enough and try enough, you can make a difference too.
But sometimes? You can't.
You can try. Oh God, how you try. You spend your time, your efforts, your money. You give everything you have.
And sometimes? It does no good.
Sometimes you give everything you have and you still lay your head down every night knowing that a little girl is going back home to an abuser. That no matter what you say they will believe they are ugly if they ever, in their life, weigh more than 125 pounds. That there isn't anything in life for them to do other than marry some man, any man, regardless of how he treats you. Because you can't do anything on your own. God forbid you even try.
Sometimes you just have to stop trying.
Because sometimes, just sometimes, you have to save yourself.