Saturday, May 30, 2009

Questions.

Not long ago I was doing an interview with...someone. I can't remember, okay? Not that I've had a million-zillion interviews lately. I'm just tired and can't remember anything. I called Girl Child "Ginger" last night and she was NOT amused and if I can't remember the name of something I birthed and love, well. There's probably not a lot of hope for me.

Anyway. Interview.

The questions are all starting to run together, to be honest. What gave you the idea? A dead animal, a buzzard, and a girl named Lisa who reads my blog. How long did it take you to write it? Less than one month. Are you writing another one? Yes. How many have you sold? I have no idea. What's your next book about? Jason, mostly. And me and what a loser I was.

I don't mind the questions, mind you. I want people to read my book. I know that if people are going to read my book it's not because I'm famous and special and everyone knows me. It's because I do these interviews so people in...I don't know, South Dakota or whatever can hear about me. I get it.

The interviewer caught me off guard when she asked me, "What is the thing you most regret about writing this book?"

I thought about that for a moment. I was going to say something funny. I tend to say funny things, especially when things are hard. I was going to say, "The fear that Denny will find me!" or something.

I didn't.

I said...I spewed forth really, "My blog. The thing that I probably love more than anything in this world. It's changed. It's different. People still read...I know they read. They don't comment anymore. I don't comment other places. I look at the other blogs and see the other people commenting. They used to comment on my website and now they don't and I feel like an intruder in this place I used to love so much."

She didn't say anything after that. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm insane, but that's okay. It doesn't really matter what she thinks.

Some people just didn't like that book, and that's cool. (Except that one chick who made fun of me on her blog which was really NOT cool. I know she's a jealous hater, but still). Some people, hysterically, think I'm too famous to talk to them or something now. I would like to invite those people to take a look at my mortgage and the pitiful state of my checking account because I assure you, were I famous neither one of those would be an issue right now and let me assure you just as passionately that both of those are the cause of many sleepless nights for me. Some people...I don't know. It's just different.

I'm different too, mind you. Not blaming anyone. Okay, if I'm blaming anyone, I'm blaming me. Because I'm preoccupied and I'm obsessed and I spend way less time than I used to on all of this.


But mostly? I'm sad. I'm really, really sad.

This used to be my happy place. And it's not so happy anymore.

36 comments:

J said...

I would say that I know what you mean, but I've never been as popular as you are. I used to have a ton of readers. I used to comment more.
True, I am always reading your blog, but I never seem to comment anymore. And it's not because I don't love you. Because I do. I just seem to be lacking in the blogging are lately.

I know you weren't looking for sympathy. But I had to tell you that I am still here. Still reading. Every day.

J said...

Area. I meant the blogging area. Not the blogging are.

Stephanie said...

I'm really bad at commenting... I think i have left you one or two in the past, oh I don't know, 6 months? I just read, laugh, and leave. Sorry, I suck as a blog stalker.

Jadekitty said...

I've been reading through google reader, and sadly it won't let me access blogspot at work so I can't comment. :( I'll try to do better in the future.

kim said...

I read, I stalk. I will stop stalking, but not stop reading!

Crystal said...

Hey, I'm a lurker. I've been reading for a few months and think you're great. I usually read your blog through my google reader as well and am just too damn lazy to click the link and leave a comment. Sorry 'bout that. I'm really sorry to hear that this blog is not your happy place anymore :-( I really hope that will change. I love reading your blog. It's so ...real. I can totally relate to so much of your life, but you express yourself way better than I do. Try not to be too sad, just think about how freakin' awesome you are. And maybe look at some cute lolcats on icanhscheezburger, that always makes me feel better if I'm sad. Anywaym, I hope you have a good weekend and I'll try to comment more often instead of just being a creepy lurker.

Krissie said...

I don't comment as much as I used to - anywhere. And I get much more traffic than I get comments, so I must not be the only one.

I blame my reader. I commented a lot when I had to open my favorites folder and go see people. Now I don't know what the actual blogs look like. And I read from my phone and it's so hard to type comments on my iPhone. I try to star the posts I want to go back and comment on when I get home, but I get busy, you know?

I don't know if I've ever commented here before, but I read you and you are hilarious.

I just needed to make a comment confession.

Will you pardon me?

marythemom said...

I stalk this blog because I think you are wonderful, hilarious, and I see a lot of myself in what you write here. I have my own blog and I know how it feels not to get a lot of comments, so I am ashamed of myself.

Please don't stop writing.

Mary in Texas

mythoughtsonthat said...

"Read, laugh and leave"- I guess I do that, too. But I always laugh. Unless, you know, it would be inappropriate to laugh.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

:o(

I hope it goes back to being your happy place soon . . .

EE said...

I'm still reading... just not commenting anywhere very much.
I love your blog now, as much as I did when I first started reading it a few months ago:)

BarbJ said...

Oh Chick, you made me sad! I read almost every day, I'm just not a big commenter. That's nothing personal, I rarely leave comments on any of the blogs I read. Haven't gotten my hands on your book yet, was waiting for summer vacation (I teach) so that I had time to enjoy it!

You know my favorite blog entries - your ranting letters to people who have pissed you off! Those always make me laugh so hard I almost wet myself!

Reluctant Housewife said...

That sucks. I'm sorry you feel that way. This post got me to comment, though. Hi!

I can't speak for anyone else, but I tend to not comment as much at popular blogs because I assume my comment won't be missed. I know comments are appreciated, though, because I appreciate mine so much... So I guess I should make more of an effort.

I read your book and I enjoyed it. I'm so glad you didn't give up at the end and wrote back when Jason contacted you. Wow. That was a close one.

Hugs.

Rachael Cahours Acklin said...

You know what, I stalk you too and I think I only said hi once.

So, HI!! :) I would love to get a copy of your book, but I can't afford it right now. So I read your blog because it's free. ;)

Hugs,
Rachael

Mikey said...

I'm terrible about the commenting, on everyone's blog. I try, but sometimes, you know, the dog screams from the bathroom, the child's too quiet, someone else pulls up out front, there's a real, live, horse on my porch knocking over the BBQ. Right now my husband is vaccuuming behind me and the child is watching cartoons at volume level 412 while running in and out the back door. I get distracted...
but I still LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU and your blog and don't you dare stop. Be happy. If not, come give this horse on my porch a kick in the ass, will ya? I'm tired of doing it myself and I'm barefoot.

J said...

Wow. It seems like Google Reader (or another reader) is always to blame! I think we have all gotten lazy and now we use GReader more and comment less. I know it has done that to me, at least. Glad to know I wasn't the only one!

The Pink Putter said...

Another lurker checking in...I read almost daily and you always bring a smile to my face. And your book was hilarious! I don't comment often, and I've been intending to either comment or email you to let you know how much I enjoy your writing, but I never seem to get around to doing it. I should comment more because I have a blog, and I'm always bummed out when no one comments on my posts.

Please keep writing and I hope this becomes your happy place again!

MB

Tarasview said...

ya... my blogging world has been a bit off lately too... don't know why though.

(((hugs)))

Sally said...

I read your blog everyday! And I love it, really!

And as for the chick that made fun of you on her blog? Clearly, she's jealous...I was going to call her a jealous douche. But, I don't want to be a jerk, like her ;)

Bethany said...

I try to comment. I just get such limited computer time I tend to spend it reading rather than commenting. And never mind the state of my own blog, sheesh, it's like a desert over there (my own fault).

And just so you know, I don't think you're too famous to talk to but I may have to stop talking to you because your hair is so damn gorgeous!

You know I love ya!

Stephanette said...

I've been bad at commenting mainly because I check blogs on our iPod in the nursery in the middle of the night and it won't always let me comment. By the time that I look at them on the computer all of the witty things I mean to write sound like disjointed middle of the night musings.

I still love reading and I love when you comment on my blog. The support of women - even virtual ones- is so important.

Jill said...

I used to have a bunch of readers, like 10 and all the sudden they 'poof' disappeared. I might get 4 comments on a good day, or if I participate in fun Monday, I might get half of those people to come over and leave a message. My husband doesn't get it either, he thinks a lot of my stuff is pretty cool. Shrug. But hey, you commented over at my old blog, which I'm basically using as a money hog, my new one is http://lilmouse.blogsite.org. You don't have the url/name capability up, so my old one is the only one that shows up when I comment.

Lisa Chelle said...

All you have to do is take your happy place back!

Karen said...

I read every day and rarely comment...I'll try and do better :)

Kimberly said...

Here's an alternate theory, and it's a tried and tested one because it's how I felt at first after you published your book.

I thought, wow, I still love Stephanie to death and all that, but she's like, totally famous now. Does she really need silly comments from a dipwad like me?

People are idiots like that.

CPA Mom said...

dude. i just plain suck at commenting. and I have zero time to read blogs anymore, let alone write in my own. your blog is the ONLY one I read every day now. i'm sorry I don't always comment. xoxo

kristi said...

I am here and I still love U!

kristi said...

Not in a lesbian-like way...but um...a friend/blogger kind of way!

kristi said...

Not in a lesbian-like way...but um...a friend/blogger kind of way!

kristi said...

Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with lesbians.

Just sayin'.

M said...

I love you.

I hope you know that even though I've sucked and been proccupied.

I'm working on it. Including via email. Cod I can't even that up.

But I have a blogroll and I intend to use it.

Besides I miss the shit out of you.

Which has nothing to do with me but I understand your blog not being your happy place anymore. Neither was mine. So I left it. I'm working on making it a happy place once more. xoxox

I am Trish Marie said...

Well, hell, the famous thing is the only reason I still read your blog. It's cool knowing someone famous.

Kidding, kidding.

Um. Have you seen the state of my blog? I barely post anymore. Sometimes I comment on other people's. I randomly read things. I still pop in from time to time, but life just kind of got in the way! But I am still here, supporting you as I imagine a lot of people are.

Anne-Kathrine said...

I do read all your blogs, and feel all the emotions, Im not good at commenting most of the time. Now that Im finally going to get internet at home maybe I can get my act together.

I've been requesting amazon to get your book on kindle since it came out. I have a kindle and am trying to not buy any books that don't come on kindle since I'm out of place to store them in my apt lol.

KrustyLynn said...

Thanks for stopping by and congrats'ing me on my weight loss! YOU inspired me!! :)

Anyway, sorry I haven't been commenting!!


LOVE YOU!!

SJ said...

Anything and everything 'blogging' these days has sucked majorly for me. I just haven't been putting forth the effort to write, read and/or comment. But that doesn't go for just your blog, it's for every blog in my reader. It makes me sad too. And I've noticed a big decline on my blog (in regards to readers / commenters) as well. Go figure.

I still love your blog and I still love you and I loved your book - I'm here, promise!

Victoria Dehlbom said...

I think it is that life gets in the way. You would think since I'm retired (medically) and offically listed as disabled by Social Security I would have all the time on my hands to write and read blogs and comment and all the other fun stuff I did. BUT it just doesn't happen. It seems like there is something I need to think about or watch or someone I need to listen to or think about or pray for. Maybe it just means we've grown. Whatever it is, it happens.