Tuesday, July 21, 2009

You guys are just SO Oprah! Or something!

Okay, so remember this?

Well. She wrote me back.

She read everything you guys said. And she wanted to answer a few questions (and, just so you guys won't think I'm a big cockslap for posting her business? She asked me to do this).

1) She's thirty-five and he's forty. They've been together since she was twenty and he was twenty-five.
2) They live together and have since 1999.
3) They have two kids together.
4) They have talked, repeatedly, about getting married.


His response apparently has always been, "I'm not ready yet" or "Not now" or "Maybe next year".


And apparently? She was pretty pissed.


Oh and also this:

5) She didn't call HIM a douchebag. She just used the word douchebag in an effort to impress me.

(She said that. Seriously. As if it would take THAT MUCH to impress me. Gah!)

Anyway.

She read all of your comments and decided she would confront him.




And...

They broke up.




BUT! She said (in part) this:

It sucks, but I really want to thank you for posting my problem on your blog. You have a really great group of readers and they were right. We did need to talk about it instead of just avoiding it year after year. He was never going to marry me. I'm sad, but I now know that it is time to move on...I just couldn't compromise on this one.

So tell your readers "thanks". Tell them "douchebag" for good measure. :)





And just like that? I kind of remembered why I blog every day.

25 comments:

Gerbil said...

Nice guy. Two kids and 15 years weren't enough? I sincerely hope he realizes in 6 or 7 months what he threw away.

And I hope she already knows what she DIDN'T throw away. Good for her for being true to herself and what she really needs, even if it was painful.

Boriqua said...

For all intents and purposes, they were already married (the living together, the two kids). Obviously the guy didn't notice that he was already in a committed relationship. But I think she's very brave and smart for moving on. Best of luck to her!

SJ said...

Well isn't that something! Best of luck to her, and yes, you do have a great group of readers :)

Lil Mouse said...

yup, I hope she finds someone fabulous that loves kids, wants to get married and take her on whirlwind trips (oh and is super rich), the other dude was a total ass.

Kimberly said...

I can't help admiring the heck out of her - kudos!

I feel sorry for the guy, douchebag or no. It's always a sad thing to see someone THAT scared of growing up.

Marissa said...

It is pathetic that a grown ass man who *has* kids is that much of a fucking baby.

Okay, now that that is out of the way, she's better without him. If he isn't grown up enough at forty to be responsible, then he wasn't worthy of her.

Wenderina said...

It's like matching real life with that "He's Just Not THat Into You" movie - which got panned, but as is typical with bad movies, I loved.

Beyond Alice said...

Wow. Good for her! She deserves someone who is willing to express his commitment to her, and not just tag along for the ride. Best of luck to her in the future! :)

mean stepmom said...

I hate to think that my comment may have contributed to a broken home, especially with two innocent children involved. I'm raising children of divorce, and it's not an easy life for them (or me).

I hope that after they've had some time to think, they will be able to reconcile instead of throwing away the past 15 years. If not, she is better off without the douchebag.

Gerbil said...

As the child of a "broken home" and a former divorcee, there are worse things in life. One of them is settling and teaching your children that you aren't worth more than that. JMO.

JaneGreer said...

Why is he the only douchebag? She made two babies with him and enabled his indecision for 15 years. Why would he NOT think they could just go on that way forever?

Not to be mean or anything, but I think she's every bit as stupid as he is. Yesterday she had a long-time man and her kids had a live-in father; today she doesn't and they don't. This is cause for celebration?

the snarky lady said...

Marriage doesn't equal commitment.

That being said, it was good that they talked and did what was necessary for their happiness or whatever. But just because someone puts a gold band on your finger doesn't mean they won't be gone tomorrow. I've learned that lesson the hard way.

That Chick Over There said...

I don't think they broke up because of the comments....maybe they did, but I don't know. I think she was just saying they TALKED because of the comments. Maybe she can post here and help us out?

(Or if she doesn't want to, I totally understand)

Allie said...

I agree with Gerbil, I grew up with parents that should have divorced but "stayed together for the kids," all that did was make me hate my dad and have an unrealistic view of what marriage is really all about. I'm sure he'll see the light and realize his mistake but if he doesn't then it's probably best. She deserves a commitment if that's what she wants and if she needs a ring on her finger then she should get it, either that or a compromise that they can both live with. Good for her for standing up for what she wants.

Anonymous said...

Cause for celebration? Managing to COMMUNICATE on such a difficult concept. And if a comment section on someone's blog gave a gal the courage to bring up what was really bothering her? Good for her.

If it lead to a break up of a 15 year relationship? It was obviously meant to be. i'd hope to cod she wasn't stupid enough to tally 'yes and no' votes and kick his ass out. No doubt there's so much to the story that we don't know.

In the end...she feels she made the right choice and I've no doubt she did make the right choice for her. It has to be a terribly difficult decision to end a relationship and obviously the "m" word was not the whole basis but just another aspect.

A broken family is better than a dysfunctional one ANY day. Is it easy? Not at all. But my husband and I both agree that we will never stay together just for our children but will put up a damn good fight before ever ending things. But ultimately? Happy and healthy parents who agree on big things (like marriage!) is incredibly important in being a role model to your kids.

Steph...you're wonderful for posting this gal's story. And she is wonderful for being open to it. <3

~M
www.dearcod.blogspot.com

Mikey said...

I'm betting he comes crawling back as soon as he realizes what's out there in the dating scene. For a 40 yr old guy, it's not all that cool. He'll see.

It's about me said...

Since this is about me I guess I will respond. No, this wasn't the only thing this was just the last straw. If you want to think I'm a douchebag then that's fine with me. I know I'm not perfect. Last night when I tried to talk to him about child support and I told him we could go to a lawyer together he said that he's not sure our youngest child is his. I never cheated on him and he knows it. I know I did the right thing and no it's no a "cause for celebration" but I'll be fine without him.

ohthatgirl said...

Wow, 15 years and still "not ready"? Good for her for having the courage to stand up for herself! It's not easy to end such a long relationship, especially when kids are involved. But now she has the opportunity to find someone amazing.

cfa said...

Hey - Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting. I love your blog!

Anne-Kathrine said...

I know it was a very hard decision to make. Good luck with everything!

Toritopia said...

I hope everything works out for her. It is sad to see a 15 year relationship end, but if it wasn't making both parties happy then it is probably for the best. I think it is very brave of her to stand up for herself. She is setting a great example for her children. If she has a girl(s) then she is showing her how to stand up for yourself even in very hard situations. And if she has a boy(s), she is showing them what she feels are important characteristics of being a man/father.

Twisted Cinderella said...

Good for her for approaching him and talking to him and coming to a decision. I wish her all the best for the future.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

Oh hell no! He isn't sure the kid is his? Good riddance to that loser, how insulting. Ugh!

mean stepmom said...

It's about me: get your own lawyer...and a paternity test! Your kids deserve support.

PaintedPromise said...

i wish her the best of luck... it's not easy but she deserves better and should stick to her guns!!!