When you make the face like that angry clown that is inexplicably standing at the front door of my gym? You make me remember why I wanted to become a mother.
Please don't do that face while I'm driving though. I nearly ran off the road in front of a red-light camera I was laughing so hard. Police really have very little sense of humor about such things, so work with me on that.
Love you and love you and love you kid,
PS: The time to tell mom that she has a hole in her work-out pants and God and everyone can see her red underwear? Is BEFORE she goes to the gym. Not after she goes to the gym, your Tae Kwon Do school and through the entire Kroger twice. Thanks. Love you.
Dear douchebag in the line at the Kroger behind me,
So sorry that my saving money was such a disruption to your life. I know that I actually purchased something other than a case of beer, a package of bologna and a box of organic butter (for serious? Okay then). And yes, I used coupons. And yes, I spent $92.11 and yes, I SAVED $96.91. So I'm just very sorry that my personal quest to better my financial situation is SO ANNOYING to you that you have to stand behind me drumming your fingers on the counter and blowing your breath out in an irritated way.
Also? Kiss the fattest part of my ass. Douche.
PS: Yes, I specifically dotted all my i's with smiley faces while writing my check. Just so it would take it extra time. Cause I'm sweet like that.
PSS: I also wrote a check, which I never do. Just to spend extra time in line.
PSSS: Don't mess with a mother. We aren't intimidated by the likes of you. Not even close.
For the love of God. Stop doing dangerous things. Just stop.
Things suck. That is true. Accept your responsibility in how they got to this level of suckage. Own it and do what you can to fix it.
You can't fix anybody but yourself.
Yourself? Needs a lot of work.
Get to work.
I don't love you yet, but I'm working on it. Jerkwad.
PS: It's okay to buy yourself some new workout pants. It really is.