Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Things which can bite me.*

-Kanye West. Dude, I was so on board with that Golddigger song a few years ago (until the db's at the Jiffy Lube stole my CD's when they changed my oil). Now? You are just a stupid attention whore. STOP IT. NO ONE CARES. YOU ARE AN IDIOT.


-Kate Major. Dude. Fine. You despise John Gosselin. GET IN LINE. Does anyone NOT despise him?

Attention whore.

Although, seriously. Does this dude have a beer flavored peen or what? I can't think of any of other explanation for all these women flocking around him because Jesus Lord, child support for eight children cannot be cheap and he's about as attractive as a pile of cat puke.

(Sorry dad. Sorry)

-My ass.

(Admittedly, it would be hard for my own ass to bite me)

-The death of Patrick Swayze. So NOT the time of my life.

-Biochemistry. Just cause.

-My new book. Specifically, my paralyzing fear of said book.
(We're in a it's-not-going-well phase. Is it obvious?)

-The bizarre rules that come along with middle school. Specifically, the fact that the school can, apparently change the start time, not tell anyone and STILL get pissy with you because your kids are "late".

-The equally bizarre hormones that come along with middle school. These include, but are not limited to, sobbing for no reason, panicking over nothing, and sobbing over something that does not require even sniffling.

-People who GRAPHICALLY OVERSHARE on the Facebook. It's awesome that you have really strong beliefs on certain issues. It's not awesome to post graphic things to get your point across.

Also? I don't want to know if you had sex last night. I just don't. I'm very happy for you, but keep that to yourself.

-My cell phone. It's a complete piece of crap.

-The economy, which is also a complete piece of crap.

-The fact that it's not November yet. I need it to be November. Now.

*Not an exhaustive list


queenrandom said...

Hey HEY. Don't be hatin on biochemistry. Not molecular biology, neither.


Babs said...

Delurking to say:

"beer flavored peen" is easily the funniest thing I've heard all day. Just awesome.

Tarasview said...

tee hee.

you very funny lady. :)

Moxie said...

Hahahaha. Get out! I seriously just snorted reading "beer flavored peen". You articulated my thoughts exactly.

Hockey Mom said...

I must be in a similar mood because many of these have gone through my mind lately. The girls around Jon - more attention whores. Patrick - why do the good guys have to go too soon and the yucky ones seem to live to be 100. And can I add - Tweeters who seem to think no one can have an opinion except them. Isn't it OK for Pres Obama to say what we all think about Kanya?

Danielle said...

LOL - beer flavored peen!!!! HA HA HA!!

Anonymous said...

Well that pretty much sums it up lol. You totally crack me up!

Anonymous said...

I just want to tell you that I love the fact that you say what you want and then apologize to your dad! That's awesome.

Anonymous said...

I know these things are annoying you but, really? Reading what you write about them is just making me laugh.


Suzy Voices said...

Dang, now I totally wanna know what the graphic overshare was!

celi.a said...

OMG. My pastor's wife just asked to borrow your book (via Facebook). o_O

This should be hilarious.

Nen said...

At least you don't need that stolen Kanye cd anymore! (although it would've made a great story to post had you made a scene to get it back from the jiffy lube people)...

I am Trish Marie said...

Jill's school changed the whole entire 3rd grade's homeroom classes. Then, when I needed to drop off medication and didn't know the name of the teacher (BECAUSE THEY NEVER TOLD US), they fussed at me. For real?

Also, I was working on my facebook update and I needed another phrase for sex. I was thinking you could help me, because I really need to post about what we did last night.

SJ said...

Okay so as much as I was heartbroken about the death of Patrick Swayze you totally made me laugh with your bullet about his death.

So NOT the time of my life.

I agree girl, I AGREE.