One day, Jason and I were sitting in church listening to our pastor preach on alcohol. In case it's not obvious, what with us being in church and all, he was preaching on NOT drinking it.
Honestly? It doesn't bother me when other people drink. I don't drink myself. I'm not good at it. I drank a little bit years ago...like before I was twenty-one. It didn't do much for me. Also, I tend to have an addictive personality, so I think it's better to nip stuff like that in the bud, rather than tempt fate.
Jason doesn't drink alcohol either. A lot of his "issue" with it stems from his people in his family drinking to much.
Anyway, at the end of the sermon the pastor asked if anyone would be willing to come forward and pledge before God and Jesus and the whole congregation that they would not drink alcohol.
No one came forward.
Jason whispered to me, "Maybe we should go."
I balked. Even though I appear to be a huge attention whore, I really don't like people looking at me a lot, especially if there is the potential for them to see the size of my rear.
He said, "It would be a good example to the teenagers...besides, we don't drink anyway."
True dat.
So we start our journey up the aisle. We are midway there and the preacher says, "OR! If you have a DRINKING PROBLEM! Come bring it to Jesus!"
Immediately, four hundred eyes are upon us. The two people trudging up the aisle.
I then pointed at Jason and made a glug-glug-glug kind of motion.
No, just lying. I didn't really do that. But wouldn't that have been hilarious?
Anyway, I thought the whole thing was hysterical. Jason, as one would imagine due to his general level of appropriateness, was absolutely horrified.
"Do you think I should call the preacher tomorrow and tell him we don't drink?" he asked.
I laughed really hard.
He didn't think it was funny at all.
He didn't call the preacher though. So he might think we're a bunch of drunks. I'm not sure.
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4 comments:
This is just too funny! I can imagine how horrified he was...cause I would be preparing to change to a different church right about now! LOL
OMG I just crawled under my seat in HORROR!
Oh heavenly goodness cod almighty gah!
Yeah for being an example...you wino! (hey...how often can I use the word WINO and after Josh used it last week...I gotta. ;) )
BTW...all this time how did I not know you don't drink at ALL? I feel like my mother who doesn't know I HATE TOMATOES! Yeah for someone else who's a non-drinker. I swear. I thought I was the only one who was a non-drinker just BECAUSE and not because I'm on a holier-than-thou mission or something. WOOT. I knew I loved you. Now I love you more. Mmmmm hmmm.
btw...the word verification I had to type to post this? KEGKEG I kid you fucking not. How. fitting. Oh I howled with laughter.
That is one of my favorite Jason stories....well that and the fact that he can math "in his head"....
I also between the many alcoholics in my family and Jeff's...pretty much consider myself a non-drinker for the most part.
We never have it in the house. We don't drink when we're out to dinner usually....and usually not so much in social settings because we take the kids everywhere...and I just refuse for them to see us drunk..and/or drive with them in the car...so we just don't do it much.
Every once and a while we'll get the children a sitter and tie one on with a huge group of people...like for my b-day 2 weeks ago..but other than that...not really.
WHY am I laughing so hard at Jason contemplating wanting to call the preacher??? WOOT..that's a funny one...
I adore your husband.
Aww..........Jason.........for the love of God....
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