Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Let's get physical!

I have VH1 Classics on my cable now and I totally watched Pop-up Video the other day and it was the one with Sandy from Grease singing "Let's get Physical". And those guys were kind of fugly. But anyway. The song is stuck in my head.

I'm debating on when I should make my grand re-entrance to the gym.

On the one hand, the gym is good. I can go there and they have more equipment than I do at home. For example, they have a pool whereas I have a standard size bathtub and I just can't swim in that. Also, I'm paying for the gym and it makes me very twitchy to pay for something and not use it.

On the other hand, the gym sucks. Hard.

I joined a gym in 2005. It was close to my house, a mere few minutes away. It was a women's only gym.The "trainers" were more like normal people. My trainer was ever so slightly chubby, which made me happy in a kind of perverse way. They would weigh and measure me on a scheduled basis and then ring a big happy bell if I lost weight. Everyone would stop what they were doing and cheer for me really loudly. While I was working out, all the employees would walk around and say hello to me and ask how I was, ask how the kids are, and so on. We became "friends", in a way.

One day in early 2006, I went to the gym to find the door locked. There was a large sign on the door that said the gym was closed and we could all go to one of the two other locations.

Neither of the other locations were close to my house. And since about 200 or so members got shuffled they became really, really crowded.

But I made due. I had a class two days a week on that side of town so I would go to the gym before and after class. I got to know the people there and the regulars. It became good again. I could work it in.

Then? You guessed it. They closed both of those locations too.

So, I got a letter saying, "Guess what! Cause we suck and all, we've decided to automatically make you a member of this OTHER gym! It's a big gym! It has a pool! You'll totally love it!"

Great right?

Except, yeah. Not so much.

It's not close to my house. It's not FAR from my house, so to speak, but it's not close. Plus, it's on a really busy highway. I already drive with a healthy fear for my life and that location just scares the bejesus out of me.

Moreover, there are men there.

Okay, I love men. I live with one man and one boy who will become a man and they rock. My office mate is a man and he rocks. I have no problem with men in general, whatsoever.

Except? When they get really stinky and sweaty and sit on the exercise bike with their arms raised in the air like they are freaking Rocky Balboa and everyone in the treadmills behind them has to SMELL THEM. (And really...why? WHY do you do that? Why? What purpose does it serve to force everyone to smell your stinky pits?)

Except also? When men get really territorial about "their" machine? To wit, once at 5:30am I was going to get on the treadmill and this man, who was probably less than thirty years old, YELLED AT ME and told me "DIDN'T I KNOW ANYTHING!?!!? THAT IS HIS TREADMILL!"

Oddly, his name wasn't on it. Even more oddly? There were 8 other free treadmills.

But whatever. I gave him a particularly withering look and got on another one. Five thirty in the morning is early. I can't fight anyone then.

Also? This one time I tried to hold the door open for an old man and he snapped at me. Because I was trying to be nice and his hands were full. The door would have literally hit him in the face, and maybe that wouldn't have been a bad thing. Perhaps it would have knocked some sense into him.

There are no trainers there ringing bells for me. I've never even seen any bells.

I know I shouldn't be such a freaking child and care about things like that, but it matters. Losing weight is hard. Getting up early to exercise is hard. Exercising at any time on any kind of regular schedule is hard.

It should be celebrated.

Unless your pits stink and you think you are Rocky. In that case, celebrate at home.


PinkCat said...

I hear ya I hear ya. I got an eliptical and well have I been on it? Ummm no!!

Julie said...

I know what you mean - if you're not comfortable in the gym it makes working out even more miserable. Maybe there is another gym, closer to home, that you'd be more comfortable at?

frannie said...

I am totally ringing some bells for you, Chick! 'cause you have been doing some serious pound droppage lately!!! Yea, Chick!!! Yea, Chick!!!

We are proud of you, say, we are proud of you! Uh-huh!

(can you tell I was a cheerleader for 15 years? huh, can ya?)

M said...

The fact that you are singing let's get physical, have me singing it,a nd get mother freaking pop up video makes me horribly jealous. Screw health and gyms and bells and nasty menfolk. You have *sigh* no fair! i fair!

Additionally...are there NO other women's gym's in your area? The men + women gym sounds frightening. And I like bells. You deserve bells. and whistles. and other stuff.

uh...btw...tell blogger if it wants to have me VERIFY a word it ought to PLACE ON THERE FOR ME TO VERIFY! Evidently I'm supposed to guess what odd grouping of letters they've chosen today. *sigh*

Alpha Dude said...

Sounds like you're getting a workout running around trying to find a place to work out!

Okay, now I'm feeling guilty that my BoFlex has become nothing more than a decorative clothes rack.

You go, Chick! Now I'm afraid that each time I hear a bell ringing, I'll think of you jumping up and down with arms overhead doing that Rocky at the top of the steps cheering thing.

Steven said...

I fucking HATE gyms!!

had to invest and get a treadmill for the house.

Sweating around people I don't know...well, it weirds me out for some reason. ;)


Dreamer said...

OMG! I hate gyms too! Although, when I lived in Fl before I had Z (a very long time ago, it seems like now) I went to a gym called "curves". It was a women's only gym and although they didn't ring bells for us when we lost weight, they did measure and weigh and were very nice people. although, i don't think you live in FL so I don't know if there is a curves close to where you live. sorry, i'm rambling and i just realized that you didn't say the name of the place so you could've been talking about curves! :) :)

HeatherAnn Fragglehead said...

If I had a bell, I'd totally ring it for you.

Gyms suck. It sucks when men are all hairy and sweaty and smelly, and they don't wipe down their machine after they're done using it. YUCK! I don't want to sit on a machine with man back sweat on it.

Jocelyn said...

I feel like I'm a member of the Up With People cast here, asking a question like this, but I'm going to chirp away anyhow: How about, *big hug*, using the gym outside your door known as the world?!!! Just go for a walk or a run in your neighborhood?

Okay, so even I can see how lame that is, and I typed it. I go to the gym about 1/3 of the time and exercise outside the other 2/3 of the time. Men at the gym do suck. Their testosterone gets all revved up, and it's most unappealing.

That Chick Over There said...

Up with People! You crack my stuff up.

I do walk outside currently and do videos at home. I can't walk in my neighborhood, sadly, as I live in a crackden.

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

Well, if you aren't happy at your gym and are not totally comfortable when you go to work will stop going.

Maybe you should try finding another gym or wait until spring and try to start walking outside or something.

Anonymous said...

I freaking hate the highway of which you speak. I'm convinced that I'm eventually going to be killed on that highway. The "I'll kill ya" highway. It even sounds like that.

You should join the gym I go to and I'll snarl at anyone who tries to kick you off of a treadmill.

Except the 100-pound blonde bimbos who go there. I'm not scared of the stinky men, but I'm terrified of them!

Tonya said...

how true is this post! Well The Rocky thing is hilarous.. Why?? Why?? that is the question.. lol

Anonymous said...

That's primarily why I hate regular gyms. Men being there make me more self-concious than I currently am. Yes, bells should be run for weight loss and steady determination to BE at the gym.

Come here...we have 4 of those chick only gyms within 8 minutes of my house (and, have I told you we also have 7 Targets within 40 minutes??).

my4kids said...

I agree I hate to work out at a gym because of the stinky man pits, and yes I have noticed the whole arms in the air rocky thing. I don't get it.

Unknown said...

I totally hate working out in a public gym. HATE it! Of course, I am not terribly fond of exercise no matter what the place...haha.

Amy W said...

I'm with you on men and the gym...I love classes at the gym, but actually driving there? Not so much. I have a treadmill at home...