Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Listen to me and no one gets hurt.

Shortly after I met Jason I noticed a very curious thing about him. It's something he would be loathe to admit and something I don't think he recognizes in himself at all.

He really thinks that most people are good and decent.

Several years ago I used to believe the same way he does. I honestly thought that most people were good and decent and wouldn't try to hurt me. A few years of being dumped while pregnant, screwed over in job situations, and almost killed daily while trying to drive to work has convinced me otherwise.

Jason? Not so much.

I was amazed, when I met him, how some members of his family treated him. He seemed to accept this treatment as part of their relationship and never really said or did anything about it. It really surprised me because he is the most take-charge kind of person I've ever met. If someone is going to complain about a product or service, it will be him. He manages a group of people and is not hesitant to tell someone if they are not pulling their weight. If people don't pay their bills he, you know, goes and collects their car.

But with family? And people he considers friends? Not so much.

He had to get to the point with his family in which he was tired of them hurting me before he was motivated to act. I, of course, was infuriated the whole time because they were hurting him. I could not stand the fact that they were hurting him. But he just took it in stride and went on and said, "That's just the way they are."

Finally, after a heated conversation with one of his family members in which I was called a bitch and he was told that I was "just trying to take him away from his family" he finally snapped, made it perfectly clear that *I* was his family and that was the end of it. He's not spoken to them since then.

I thought that would change him, maybe and make things a little different. But apparently not.

I met someone who is a former co-worker of his and immediately I knew I didn't like the guy. Do you ever get that feeling when meeting someone? Just a feeling like, I'm not sure this person is on the up and up? Maybe this person has something to hide? Maybe this isn't the most honest person?

Yeah, I got all of that and more when I met this guy.

Not only that, but he totally ignored me and my children and only spoke to Jason. And I'm sorry, we live in the South and that's just plain rude.

Anyway, later I told Jason, "I don't like that guy."

He was geniunely surprised. I said, "I don't trust him. He's shady."

He didn't see it.

He still didn't see it when the shady guy offered him money for referrals (they are competitors for frog's sake).
He still didn't see it when the shady guy stole his own personnel file.
He still didn't see it when the shady guy said he "lost" his key to the office.

So last night, when he told me his best employee resigned because he was courted to go work for (guess who) the shady guy, I think he finally saw it.

And it was to late.

I was angry at him, at first, for not seeing this was going to happen, and angry at him for caring so much about people and trying so hard to be a good person when the people around him would never do the same for him. But I felt sad for him, and today I feel both sad and angry. Because he's a good man. He's a good, honest, decent, ethical man and people hurt him because of it.

I said to him, "Please don't ever lose your ethics. Even if everyone around you does."

He promised me he wouldn't.
I know he won't. It's one of the main reasons that I love him.

But really. Why do so many people have to suck?


CPA Mom said...

Because they can. No other reason. No good reason. Just because they can.

julie said...

Yep. Because they can (and do) get away with it.

I could use a touch of the Pollyanna Syndrome, though. I've become so cynical -- which is part of my job survival, blah, blah -- but it creates its own stress. And stress sucks.

SJINCO said...

I have the same instinct as you do, usually upon meeting someone for the first time I can tell right away what their true character is like, and usually it's a good judgement call on my part. My husband, not so much. Maybe it's a guy thing?

my4kids said...

My husbands sounds just like yours and it drives me nuts sometimes. I to tend to be cynical about people though instead.

Anonymous said...

As I was reading your post, I was in agreement with you. Which is dumb on my part given I am like your husband. Maybe an opener to me??

LOVE the new look...

Anonymous said...

I think I love your husband a little bit. It must be nice to see the good in people. I wouldn't know because I am a cynical bitch.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Bethany... that just made me love Jason. what a sweet and pure heart!

oh, and this is frannie... blogger is at it again. I don't know what the deal is!!!

Emma in Canada said...

I think in our house it's at the other extreme. William sees the bad in everyone, as you may have sort of noticed. It's not always bad, because he certainly doesn't get walked all over, but a middle ground would be nice. I'm the other way, forgive and forget.

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

That really does suck. Some people, unfortunately, are nice and caring and honest to a fault. I hope that he learned to continue to be the trusting and caring person he is, but to really watch out for those red flags, and, maybe, listen to you next time!