Sunday, May 13, 2007

Dear Mother-in-law:

I know that probably the only thing on this earth that you wanted for Mother's Day was for your one and only son to call you.

And I know that he didn't call you.

We both know why, although you want to pretend that you don't.

But you know what?

I'm sorry.

I'm not sorry for anything I've said or done, because my only "crime" is loving your son. Yes, he loves me more than he loves you. It didn't mean he didn't love you. It just meant that he loved me and wanted to make his life with me. We could have all had a nice family, together, had you not pushed me and my children away. Had you not treated us like we were scum and not worthy of being in your family.

Because I knew, the first time you threatened me, that if you made him decide between us, he would pick me.

Because I would have never asked him to do that. Never.

And really? The funny thing is?

I'm a really nice person.

I would have made a kick-ass daughter-in-law.

I love your son. He is the completion of my family. He loves me. We laugh. A lot. We have a nice family and a nice home. We have good jobs. In fact, I have a great job, despite the crazy people, and make more money than I probably deserve and he has a really great job and while he works long hours, he's really moving up and doing quite well for us. I worked my butt off and graduated college and made good grades. I encourage your son every day of his life. Do you know that he wouldn't even have his job, were it not for me saying, "Babe, go for it. I believe in you!"?

I'm a freaking fantastic wife.

I volunteer. I work with little girls trying to teach them their self-worth. I give money to charity. I'm kind and decent. Jason and I are raising two young people to become productive, caring, good decent people. And they? Are awesome.

We are good people. We are a great family.

And you are not a part of it.

So, for Mother's Day, I asked my husband a favor. Something I'm certain he never thought would come from my mouth.

I asked him to call you.

I know you think that *I* am the reason that he has nothing to do with you. I know you blame me for him not talking to you for over two and 1/2 years. I know you think that had I never come around, his life would have been so much better...he would have married the girl that YOU wanted him to marry...they'd probably have children together, not just some other man's "baggage"...not some wife with messed up girlie bits who can't give you grandchildren.

But that's just not true. None of it is. Okay, the part about me being infertile? That's true. But the rest of it is rubbish.

He didn't want to call you. Even though I asked him to call you. He didn't want to.

And I'm sorry for that.

Not because you deserve a call from him, because you most certainly do not.

But because it was Mother's Day. And I'm certain it was hurting your heart.

Because if your son was my son? And he didn't call me? It would kill me.

Because your son? Is amazing.

You aren't even aware of very amazing he is. What a good, hard-working man he is. What a good father he is. What a good husband he is. What a good, decent, kind person he is.

And even though you hate me, I have to say to you:

Thank you.

Because clearly something you did at some point in this man's life, impacted him.

Thank you for giving birth to him.
Thank you for taking him to church.
Thank you for protecting him from his drug-addicted father.
Thank you for sending him to good schools.
Thank you for allowing him time with his loving grandmother.
Thank you for moving to North Carolina, so that he would be waiting for me when I got there.

I know you'll never understand. I know you want to continue to live in your own little world and pretend that the problem is really me, and not you. And that's okay.

I probably would do the same, if I lost what you have lost.

I hope you managed to have a nice day anyway. I really mean that.


Your daughter-in-law

Pssst...for significantly less depressing crap, see my other blog!


Brown Eyed Girl said...

Chick...this is a great post...

Amy W said...

I agree, a great post....

You are one lucky woman to have such a great marriage and a great husband...

EE said...


Denise said...

Egads, that some powerful words babe!!

Anonymous said...

Great post--you're right on every level. Not only did she lose out on an awesome son, she lost out on an awesome addition to her family. Sucks to be her.

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

Great post! You should print it out and mail it to her! It's her loss and she will realize that once it's too late!

frannie said...

she is totally the one missing out- because you, my dear? are awesome to the 100th power!

CPA Mom said...

I could totally send this to my own MIL...except my HP broke down and called his mom. Which I didn't try and stop him but I wanted to say WHY? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHY??? XOXO to you Chicky, I think you are AWESOME.

Wendy said...

Such an great and powerful post. You have built such a beautiful family with Jason! MIL has no idea what she is missing out on! I think that you should send her this!

Anonymous said...

Very classy post. It could be so easy to dismiss the whole mess and consider yourself better off. But you realize that this woman had a hand in what a great man you are married to. It takes a great person to realize this and admit it. You are one classy chicka!

Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

The sad thing is that people like her won't reach out, even when they realize they were in the wrong. Their stupid pride keeps them from reaching out and she'll probably realize on her death bed exactly how much she's missed out. Good for you for being the big person and trying to get Jason to reach out. But I don't blame him one bit for not listening.

Alpha Dude said...

That is quite possibly the best letter I've ever read.

Well done.

(what if YOU called her?)

Unknown said...

Hey Chick,

That question about you not being a Christian...yeah well this letter just blew it out of the water in my opinion.

I think that you rock!

Talk about a true Mother's Day Wish.

Patiently waiting said...

That was a very powerful post truly spoken from the heart. You are truly lucky to have such a wonderful husband and two adorable kids. She truly is the one missing out.

Joey said...

Its a paradox sometimes when I read your writing. It makes me extremly happy and extremely depressed at the same time.

I suppose that means that you're an amazing writer.


Angie said...

Hey Chick. . . great letter. You are an excellent example to your daughter. . .and son, I suppose. But, you are just a SHINING example to your daughter.

(checked out the other blog, and may I say your choice of restaurant (as opposed to vacation destinations) totally rockes!!! : )

my4kids said...

You are an awesome person, chick I can't beleive she pushed you all away like that. I just hope that I could never be that stupid because if I didn't hear from my son either I couldn't live with it.

Emma in Canada said...

You should totally send that to her. it would definitely give her something to think about.

Julie said...

You are a better person than I. Your MIL needs to see that letter.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Of all the letters you've posted here, that's the only one I really think you ought to mail.

Not at all depressing, by the way. Not at all.

Girl from Pennsylvania said...

Oh, mother in laws who suck. I got that and up you an alcoholic father in law. At least their spouses (they are divorced and both remarried) are nice...

Bethany said...

I have to say, I really admire you. I don't say that lightly. You are truly an admirable person.

Lizarita said...

Dude. Your MIL has NO IDEA what she's missing.