Saturday, July 21, 2007

Shame has a name. It is Chick.

Despite the fact that my Girl Card should have been revoked at birth, I find myself having a lot of "friend crushes" lately.

I meet someone and desperately want them to like me and be my friend. You know? Or if they are my friend, I want them to be my best, best friend and think I'm the coolest ever.

It's so freaking lame.

Take for example my work friend, Ben. Ben is not his real name. Because even though he doesn't read my blog and, in fact, doesn't find me all that interesting, I would be mondo-embarrassed if he knew I was blogging about him.

Anyway. Ben.

I've created this elaborate backstory for him. For example, I am completely convinced that he was born in Hawaii. Why, I have no idea. It doesn't even make sense. But in my mind he was.

Oh and his parents are dead. He was raised by a kind and benevolent grandfather who left him a bunch of money when he died.

Oh and his ex-wife was really mean and tried to steal all of his money and verbally abuse him. But he might have actually told me that part.

Also? He might have been in the circus at one point. I'm just not sure.

See, though? Ridiculous. If you ever met this guy you would laugh at this story, because he's very quiet and unassuming. He would either find this hilarious or he would run away from me, shrieking.

But because of the friend crush I have on him, I imagine him telling me these stories while we walk our dogs and drink lattes. I also try to find nice single women to set him up with.

Well, okay, I do that already, but generally he recoils in horror. Because, um, well, he knows me and I'm a bit loud and I guess he just ASSUMES that all my friends would be loud and do things like dance the macarena in the breakroom too. Gah! So judgemental.

I think Ben thinks I am a nice and interesting, albeit extraordinarily loud and overwhelming, individual. I don't think he wants to hang out with me after work and come over at Thanksgiving and break bread with me and my family.

I have girl friend crushes too. It's so high school and I just can't seem to stop myself. One of my best friends has a circle of friends who have somewhat accepted me and I'm so freaking nuts about the whole situation. I want them to do things like call me up out of the blue and be all like, "Hey! Let's go scrapbooking!" or whatever. They never do.

They are nice enough to me, don't get me wrong. They always laugh when I say funny things, which is more than I get from, you know, the majority of my family and co-workers. But they don't call.

Not that I call them either. I don't want them to think I'm a stalker.

I don't know. It feels pretty weird to me. I think it's probably just my obsession with stories.

I think everyone is so interesting, even if they don't know it yet.


Danger said...

Dude, I know just how you feel. And it makes me feel a little bit better that I'm not the only one.

Angie said...

Okay, but the scary part is that sometimes, when you describe funny, hilarious things about boy child and girl child, and your life in general. . . get ready for this. . .I wish that I was *your* in-real-life friend.

Sigh. And I live close enough to you to actually stalk you.

You should be afraid.

frannie said...

it's funny---- I feel this way about you!!


Alpha Dude said...


In case you haven't noticed, just everyone who reads your blog thinks you are awesome.

And that is only are!

I would love for us to hang out with you and Jason and the kids and just talk about "stuff", because, seriously, you all are a lot of fun.


Unknown said...

I would like totally come over for Thanksgiving, and go scrapbooking (even though I don't really know anything about it...yet). I'm just waiting for your call, dammit.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Chick, I'm having a playgroup at my house on Monday. Come on over and hang out. Pleassssee???

Start driving Sunday and you'll be here just in time...

Anonymous said...

It's kinda like adult imaginary friends...

I would totally come over so you could teach me to scrapbook!!!!

Denise said...

Well Chick I make up back stories for everyone I come in contact with and give people nicknames. You are not alone. There is this one parent of one of daycare kids. I call him Jack osburne well you can guess why.

Jocelyn said...

I think I work with Ben, too.

Except my Ben (actually named Dave) has, in my vivid psychoworld, two ex-wives and now kind of a skanky girlfriend, and he once considered enlisting in the military before he realized teaching in the humanities would allow him to change more lives in a positive way--and make it easier to take smoke breaks and take time to comb his ponytail. Plus, he'd like to drive a Volvo, but he can't find anyone to buy his old pick-up truck.

Not that I've ever really talked to him or anything.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

I love the phrase "friend crush". I've never found the right way to describe this phenomenon, and as I search for words trying to explain it to Neil, he just looks at me like I've gone mental.

I betcha a dozen or two people are going to comment here, saying they have a "friend crush" on you, but hope my saying so doesn't come across as any less sincere. =)

julie said...

I do this, too. But usually about the time I actually get to be friends with my "friend crush," I realize they really aren't as perfect and superfun as I thought. And sometimes they are mean. But it's kinda fun getting to that point anyway.

Victoria Dehlbom said...

I make up stories about people all the time plus if I give them little voices if I'm describing them to somebody. I know weird.

I love your blog and suspect that if we lived close enough we would be friends. Simply because we'd be laughing all the time. And scrapbooking, because I don't get to hang with the cool kids who do it anymore.

Anonymous said...

This whole blog thing is so - odd -- in a way, huh. I mean, I found your blog a couple of weeks ago (via Emma) and I can't stop reading ;). And I kinda even took a moment to stop and think, hey, we could totally be friends -- and I think that might be a blogfriend crush. But I'm in no way a stalker. :)

Emma in Canada said...

You could call me anytime Chick. And I'll say Come on over and scrapbook. I'm only like a 3 or 4 day drive away. And I don't recall you actually saying you scrapbook but do you know people actually scrapbook together online? From thousands of miles apart?

Anonymous said...

Call me!! Call me!! I'm uh...well, probably an 18-20 hour car ride away. But, planes are quick!! We can go scrapbooking (which, I've never done, so it'll be interesting, I'm sure)!! We can go sit in the mall and people watch and make up stories. Or, we can walk dogs and drink lattes.

Whatever. I'm easy. Well, not easy like THAT. :)

M said...

screw driving and seeing everyone else. washingtoooooon my hooooooome whereever iiiiiii may rooooooam. see. we have a cool theme song. and i've known you longer. and i have a girlchild and boychild who would both drool on you. and i'd giggle like a 12 year old girl with a crush because i've had a friend crush on you FOREVER.

but you know that already.

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

I would definitely come over for Thanksgiving and drink lattes!

CPA Mom said...

Dude, CALL ME. I feel this way about YOU.

SJINCO said...

I would so hang out with you and have fun and share funny stories and .....

Just be *IRL FRIENDS*.

I think you are awesome.

manders said...

There's a reason they call them "crushes", Chick. We build up these illusions about people in our minds... then we get to know them, the real them... and then POOF, we're crushed.
:::cheesy high school counselor "it's going to be alright, honey, m'kay?" smile:::

I would, like the rest of your adoring fans, love a chance to crush your illusion! But, scrapbooking? Ummmm, no. Now,lattes, over VH1 reality show re-caps, most def.