Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Hearts, Flowers, Glitter, etc.

You know who I admire?

Step-parents. And people who co-parent. And don’t, you know, shoot each other in the face.

Because? That’s really hard to do.

Last night I was talking to my sister on the phone and I happened to mention something about my ex-husband (I really can’t remember how that subject even came up…the conversation was so freaking hilarious what with the Wilfred Brimley and diabetes references. Long story) and I felt the anger and bile rise up in me like you would not believe.

I’ve long believed that my ex-husband leaving me alone has been the best thing he could ever do for me, although I also believe that he has no idea how much of a favor that he’s actually doing me and probably still thinks that I sit around crying every night because I miss him so much.

Excuse me. I just had to vomit in my trashcan.

Anyway, I read a few blogs of women who are step-mothers and I have to say, I really admire them. Some of them have better relationships with their egg donors than others. Some of them? I honestly don’t know how they haven’t shot the birth mother in the face. But I admire all of them.

I read blogs of women who are dealing with ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends too, of course. I sometimes feel bad when I do, because clearly I am far too immature to be able to handle that kind of stuff. Because the thought of having to deal with my ex-husband on a regular basis makes me want to stuff my fingers in my ears and scream, “Camille!”

Or, you know, whatever.

I guess these women make me think about past fears. One of my main, main fears was that my ex-husband would marry the woman he cheated with. And I would have to be all like, “This is my kid’s step-mother. I’mawhorewithaninnerthightattoo. She sucks.”

Which would, clearly, be a loss of my testimony.

But to my knowledge, he’s not married anyone else. Not that he has anything to do with the kids anyway, so it’s kind of a moot point. But it used to be this huge, huge fear.

I applaud all of you who do it with grace and class. You are far, far better than I.


Dreamer said...

i think it's awesome too. how people deal with their exes. but like you said, it's probably best when they just leave them alone.

CPA Mom said...

Unfortunately, sometimes the "birthmother" won't ALLOW us to be good step-parents. Even if we had NOTHING to do with their marriage break up (met their ex-husband YEARS later)...bitter much? Yeah, guess I am.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

What a sweet tribute. =)

Patiently waiting said...

You know who I admire? You! You have been through a lot and I can't imagine giving birth to two babies and pretty much being alone. I'm so glad that you found Jason and your kids do have a father now. I wouldn't worry too much about your ex ever coming back into the kids' lives. From what I've seen, even when they do start coming around it tapers off slowly and slowly until one day you wonder if the other parent will ever come back.

Anonymous said...

I agree with stepmomof2. I admire you, too, for being amazingly real and funny and raising two kids even without that giant goober that has no clue what he's missing out on. Because you and GirlChild and BoyChild have it so much better with just each other and Jason, even though you have to say "Jason. For the love of God!" And also? I'm jealous. I sooooooooo with The Egg Donor would just bail and leave us alone!

Anonymous said...

Um, evidently my typing skills have escaped me today. That was "I soooooooo wish..."

Bethany said...

I have egg donor stories that would curl the straightest of hair! I don't put them on my blog in case my step daughter should ever read it. There are things that would make her sick and I don't want that.

But boy you wouldn't believe some of this crap.

Alpha Dude said...

It ain't easy.

"They're not your kids!"
"I don't have to listen to you!"
"Buy me stuff!"
"You need to love them like your own, you know"

But every once in a while....
"Thank you. I love you. I wish you were my real dad"

It ain't easy.

But it's worth it.


SJINCO said...

I agree Chick, I totally agree. I applaud them all too....

Unknown said...

Well, I don't know if I'm one of the ones who does it with "grace and class". It's more like with exasperation, A LOT of prayer and screaming, anger and resolve. Does that mean the same thing you said?

Ditto on Stepmomof2's comment. You raised twins on your own. WTF!


I am a stepmother to my husband's 2 boys. Here is the latest loser thing she has done: I purchased school uniforms for the two boys but they didn't have the right sizes so I ordered them from Penneys and had they shipped directly to the store in California where she lives because the boys had to be taken back before the clothing could be shipped here to Las Vegas. The clothing arrived in California on 8/22. School started 8/29. As of today (8/30) that lazy biotch hasn't bothered to take her skank butt to the mall to pick up the clothes. I would call her, except she refuses to provide us with phone number (I don't think she even has a phone.)