Monday, November 19, 2007

I puffy pink heart with glitter crazy people!

I'm going to answer more questions now, but before I do, what is UP with celebrities being sentenced to like, twelve minutes in jail? How does that happen? I mean, when Cletus down the road drives drunk, I guarantee you his ass is in jail longer than twelve minutes.

That is so weird. I don't care who you are. That's weird.

Anyway. On with the questions.

Lisa asks:
My question is:

Why do you think you are unattractive?

Well, in my world, attractive means thin. It always has. I've never been thin, therefore, I've never been attractive.

It did not help that both of my sisters are like, models. It also did not help that I am way taller than everyone else, clumsy, goofy, had a part between my front teeth so big that you could drive a truck with the doors open through it and glasses like Brainy Smurf (without the charm). I was not, nor have I ever been, bringing sexy back.

I could go on about being dumped by a high-school boyfriend (his name was Ernest. Wretch) who told me he wanted to be with someone prettier than me and then went out with this girl and I swear to frog she looked like a complete hooker and smelled like she bathed in Jean Nate. But that's the past and I won't get into all that.

Tiger Lamb Girl asks:
Wanna be my friend?

I already am!

Then she asked:
Would you like to come to England for a visit? If so, would you come down to the Southwest and hang out with us? We could freak the locals out with our Southern accents. And Baptist backgrounds. Bwaahaaahaaa.

True dat.

I would love to visit England. I've always thought about it.

Also? My accent freaks out people who live in...North Carolina. So I can't imagine what hysterics it would cause people in England.

Kellie asks a bunch-o-stuff:
When are you coming to NY? Specifically to the part of NY *I* live in? :)

I don't know. I've been to New York, but it's been a million years ago. If I'm coming back, I'll let you know, okay? Because you? I like.

I already know your real name ;) I won't tell. Unless you tell me Target sucks or something :)

Thank you. And I'd never blaspheme Target in such a way.

Anything I'd ask, most people have already done. So, I'll ask something entirely stupid: How may pair of shoes do you own?

Oh holy crap. I thought I didn't own that many, but when I started thinking about? Well, I have a few.

I have: brown crocs, brown ballet flats, black ballet flats, brown sandals, black sandals, brown "dress" shoes, black "dress" shoes, these really cool brown shoes that are the closest thing I have to heels, New Balance sneakers, hiking boots, really pretty brown boots I got not long ago and haven't worn yet, pink flip flops, brown flip flops, Adidas soccer slides, and these really nice Birkenstocks that I don't wear very often because they make my feet smell like...well, feet.

I don't wear heels because I'm already close to six feet tall and also? I am so clumsy. Oh my Lord. When those chunky heeled shoes were all the rage back in 1996 or so? I would literally fall off my own shoes. I wish I was kidding, but sadly, I am not.

Also? Apparently I love black and brown. Who knew?

And, as someone above said: why are you so hard on yourself? You're entirely too sweet and generous to be putting yourself down. Makes me sniffle :(

Thanks. I'm in therapy. Maybe it will start working someday.

Chelle asks:
A spin on Emma's question - have you ever been to Canada? If so, where? If not, why not? Where in Canada would you like to go?

Nope, never been to Canada. I've never been out of the United States at all.

I've just never gotten there. I would love to visit, although I have no idea what part. My plan was to just go where my friends are!

frannie asks:
you said once that you can't live in the same place too, when do you plan on moving to Atlanta?

Oh, I say that A LOT. A lot. I don't like living in the same place very long. I've been working REALLY hard to curb my enthusiasm regarding this since I have two nine-year-old's at home who would probably like to go the same school for several years in a row.

Sorry Frannie, as much as I love you, Atlanta is not high on my list. Frankly? It scares me. I am hoping the next place I move is more of a small town and slower pace. Not that I'm in some huge metropolis now or anything, but its bigger than what I grew up with.

Over the weekend? I applied for a job in Kentucky. Does anyone live in Kentucky and want to share with me some information regarding it? Because I have no idea what goes on there except for people making Fried Chicken and that even may be a myth.

Jill asks:
How do we get rid of Tyra Banks and get you on the air in her place? You are so damn funny and straight forward-you should have your own show-or at the very least an advice column!


Although really? I don't hate on Tyra after she went on television and told the collective media to kiss her fat ass. I know she loves herself enough for all of us combined, but still. She's alright by me.

Funny thing though, way back forever ago when I had a "website" people would actually write to me and ask for advice. Why? I have no idea. But they did. And I would post the answers on my website and it was really, really funny. No one asks me for advice anymore, but if they ever did I think it would be fun to do an advice column.

With a huge disclaimer that I don't have my own crap together and probably should not be legally allowed to advise anyone else. Of course.

And finally...
nic asks:
ps could you kindly reconsider your stance on crazy people? i am crazy people. we're lots of fun.

Hence the name of my blog posting today.

Crazy people=All good to me.


Denise said...

Hey Chica, two people on my blogroll live in Ky. Whats a quirk (Emily) and Quipwhit (Whitney). Check out their blogs sometime and ask them:)

Ry said...

Amen to the celebrity thing! And what's up with Brit losing custody-having an emergency hearing a week later-getting them back-then losing them again?? You know she'll get them back again. Any average person wouldn't!! I'm not saying that I think she shouldn't, but that it wouldn't happen for a non-celebrity.

frannie said...

well, craftmatic adjustable beds! I was hoping I could get you to move down here.

still coming to visit, right?

Anonymous said...

I think I swooned just a little bit.

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

Memphis isn't all that big and we've moved down on the most violent list according to the FBI. You should move here. We could hang out.

Anonymous said...

Yay for the crazy peeps. And, you should really think about moving here. Catwoman and I are fun in real life, promise.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

I like standing out in a hows about I not ask you to move just for the sake of -my- happiness? =P Ooo...I feel all cool and non-conformist all of a sudden.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I live in Kentucky! And for the most part, I love it. Where is the job you applied for? Whaddya wanna know??

Anonymous said...

Holy crap! I just noticed in your side-bar that you're now a B-list blogger! That's freaking huge, sister!


Anonymous said...

Aww as usual I'm late to the party. I suck. My question would have been if you'd hang out with someone older. Like me. You know. Because it seems like everyone and their dog who blog are something like 10 years younger then me. But even though I'm older I'm still pretty somewhat kind cool. More like a chubby cool, but still cool. Ok not really cool more like just ok. Well ok but slightly crazy. But older. Ok nevermind.

SJINCO said...

You could move to Colorado!!!

You are way cool in my book Chick. Way cool.

Dreamer said...


I just want to say one thing.

I *heart* you lots.

That is all.

Anonymous said...

I'm leaving an anonymous comment because I love your blog & I'm afraid you'll read my comment and say I'm blocking that Miss Know-it-All Dumbass from my site.......and I wouldn't want that to happen. I just want to share this with you. I had a HORRIBLE relationship with my father, actually a non-relationship, hadn't talked to him in 10 years. I married a man whose father had died and he insisted that I start seeing my dad.... I said no, I wouldn't do it. My husband started driving us there when we were on the way somewhere else (because I wouldn't have gone willingly). He and my dad would visit and I'd sit, saying nothing. After awhile I figured something out -- my dad had done some awful things to our family, he hadn't changed, he certainly never apologized for anything, BUT he wasn't the kind of person who would sit around and analyze his actions so he did the best he could without many tools. He wasn't a reader or a thinker, he was a superficial, selfish person but he was my dad... and when he got sick I was glad I could be there for him because when he died I knew that regardless of the person he had been that I had done the right thing. I had no regrets, no guilt, I felt free. But if he had died and I'd kept away from him the regrets would be eating at me today. Here's the Miss Know-it-All dumbass want the best for you kids, but what if you were an a*hole who just didn't get it and they never spoke to you again, sure you might deserve it but you wouldn't be aware of that because you're an a*hole, even would break your heart to have your kids hang up on you and not visit...if Jason's mom could understand she'd change, but she can't, she's not an aware person even when it's hitting her over the head........the best thing you can do for Jason is to encourage him to communicate with his mother whether you can or not because when she dies it's his mother that's gone..... and even if he thinks it won't matter and it won't hurt and he'll have no regrets.......I bet he will... Read this & delete it, it's just for you. I enjoy your blog, I wish the best for you which is the only reason I wanted to say this -- you never know when it'll be too late.

Caffeine Court said...

Thanks for addressing my comment. I'm with you-Tyra's okay-we'll keep her.

There's gotta be a market for YOUR wit out there!

I'm not going to give up until I'm TIVOing your show everyday!