Sunday, November 18, 2007

Some answers.

Thanks for all the questions. I'll answer some now and maybe some later if I feel like it. Or tomorrow. Whatever.

Heather asks:
When it comes to your mother-in-law, I know she and you do not get along. How does your hubby deal with it? Is he like Raymond and is always torn between the wife and mom? Does he try to stay out of it and let you two have it out? Does he tell her she needs to respect you?

Oh no, no.
It’s not so much that my mother-in-law and I don’t get along. We have no relationship, whatsoever. I don’t mean we see each other at Thanksgiving and try not to talk over the mashed potatoes. I mean, I literally have not seen her since Easter 2004.

On that day, I became officially “over” it. I won’t get into the whole story because it’s long and I have a headache and don’t like to revisit it. Basically, I got really sick of the way my children were being treated and realized that I wasn’t being a good mother by continuing to place them in situations with people who didn’t treat them appropriately. She and I had talked about it before and she was mean and cruel and insulting. Jason had talked to her about it before and she was like, “I have nooooooo idea what you are talking about!”

So I called it. I said I’m done. My children are done.

I told Jason, at that time, that I was over it but if he wanted to continue to have a relationship with his family, I was okay with that. But we would not be participating. I explained my reasons why.

That was that.

Life went on. We lived maybe 10 minutes from them, but we didn’t see them.

In July of 2004 my husband lost his job. At that point we just said, “The hell with it” and decided that we were getting out of North Carolina. I was miserable in my job. I was unhappy in the college I attended and unhappy with the school my children were in. This list goes on and on.
We decided to move. We came to Tennessee for a visit, looked around, found a house and agreed to purchase it. (I don’t recommend that…it’s just what we did and it’s worked out okay) We went back to North Carolina so we could get everything situated and then move.
I told my parents we were leaving and they were supportive. Jason’s condo was on the market and under contract. I put my townhouse on the market. I started looking online for jobs in Tennessee.

Jason found a job. He told his mother that we were moving to Tennessee.

I don’t really recall her exact words, but I believe they were something like, “Well, I guess that bitch has finally gotten you away from your family.” I wasn’t there and he didn’t tell me all of this for a very long time, because he didn’t want to hurt me.

At that point, he was done. He told her that *I* was his family and the children were his family and that he was choosing to be with us and choosing not to be a part of their lives any longer. He brought up the way the children and I had always been excluded, the black dress at the wedding, and the subtle (and not so subtle) jabs at our relationship, our marriage, and me. And so on. And on.

That was in August of 2004. He has not seen her since then. He moved to Tennessee. A month later, I followed.

She’s called a few times and he hangs up on her. She sent a letter on his last birthday that said she hoped they could work toward healing.

But she’s never said she was sorry. Never.

And at this point, after everything that has happened, Jason said he feels he would have a hard time believing her even if she did say she was sorry.

She’ll never say she’s sorry. So it’s basically a non-issue.

And really? It’s her loss. I’m a really good wife to her son. I love him so much and I’m his biggest fan. We have a really great family. My kids are fabulous. I have tons of friends who tell me, “I wish my son would marry someone wonderful like you!”

So. Yeah. Her loss.

Cindy asks:
Do you do any crafts or other hobbies?

Well, I scrapbook, but I’m not really good at it. (I looked at Cindy’s website and I’m sort of gobsmacked at how beautiful it all is) I make some crafty type stuff, like letters I did for girl child’s wall in the house that doesn’t exist yet.

My other hobbies are basically reading, writing, and revising my plans for taking over the world.

Morgan Leigh asks:
What did you major in in college?

I started out as an education major. I planned on teaching Elementary school. What I graduated with were dual concentrations in Teaching/Learning and Environmental Health.

I did this primarily for financial reasons, to be honest. I weighed what I could potentially make as a public school teacher and what I could make working for the government (where I was already working as a subcontractor) and it made financial sense. Also, I had always been interested in the environment but never realized the careers I could make out of that interest.

The bad part? I focused a lot of the safety aspects of it in school. I love occupational safety, work design, ergonomics…all of it. What I do now is mainly compliance. Which isn’t as fun.

Also, I work with crazy people. Which also isn’t fun.

SJ asks:
If you could visit anywhere in the United States, where would you go, and why?

Yosemite, for sure. I love the outdoors, love to camp, love to have a valid excuse for my hair to look like crap and smell like smoke. I’ve always, always wanted to go there. Ever since I saw Yosemite Sam for the first time on Bugs Bunny.

Jan asks:
Why do you think you are always so hard on yourself? You make me laugh all the time but you make me sad when you put yourself down.

I don’t know. I have few theories.

Pretty much my entire life I’ve been annihilated by people who were supposed to love me. I have always been the one who was never quite the same as everyone else. It’s kind of like…you know on the Munsters? I feel like the pretty blond one. The one who is normal, but also different, and in being different is decidedly not normal.

Basically, I’ve always believed I was going to fail. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I was never going to be pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough…anything enough. Never, ever enough.

I realized I was pretty funny when I was in Elementary school and could make people laugh. So I started making fun of myself so other people wouldn’t do it.

Now, I’m hard on myself for the same reason, I think.

Shanilie asks:

Ummm....I think the only question I have is more for my own curriosity's sake than anything else as I am currently going through something, but do you think it is possible to love 2 guys at the same time?

Romantic love? No.

A better question would be, why on earth would anyone WANT to be in love with 2 guys at a time? I mean, I love Jason with all my heart, but good Lord, he wears my ass out. And I don’t mean that in a sexual way. He’s just exhausting! Being in love with someone is freaking exhausting! All the thinking and feelings and being considerate and not just sitting on the couch and watching Law and Order: SVU. It’s just hard. Worth it, yes. But not easy.

That probably wasn’t helpful. I’m sorry.

Now, can you be infatuated with 2 guys at the same time? Yes. Can you admire and respect and possibly want to mess around with 2 guys at the same time? I imagine you could. But true, real, honest, lasting love? I don’t think so.

Emma in Canada has lots of questions:

Ummm....when are you coming to Canada? And your answer can't be never.

Oh. Canada.

This has actually been something that Jason and I have talked about for years. Years. We would love to move to Canada. The only thing stopping us thus far is the low, low real estate prices we currently enjoy.

So that is maybe something we might actually do, at some point.

Were you a happy child?

I don’t know. Not all the time.

Are you happy with the names you gave your children? (And it's not that I don't like their names, cause I do, but for me I would have used different names for 2 of mine so I wonder if other people look back. Or am I just a loser?)

I am now, but it’s taken me a long time. I really had specific names that I wanted. My ex-husband was a complete douche about those names and I thought that maybe if I named them what HE wanted to name them then he would change his mind about leaving me.

Yes, I’m aware of how stupid and lame that is.

I wanted to name my daughter Paige. I wish I would have done that. But her name suits her and I can’t imagine her being anything other than Girl Child now.

And also? You are so not a loser.

WHat has blogging meant to you?

Seriously? It has changed my life.

I’ve been less afraid. I’ve been more able to deal. I’ve been able to vent in a safe place. I’ve met tons of really cool people. I’ve had my ass handed to me a few times and it didn’t cause me to fall apart. I can talk about things like how much I hate Spencer from “The Hills”, the dent in my butt from where I fell off the stairs, and how I love Jesus, all in the same week. And no one thinks it’s weird.

Most of all, it’s given me the courage to speak out and speak up and not be afraid. There are still a few subjects, one huge one, that I haven’t been able to blog about yet. But I’m getting there.

And I feel like maybe I’ve helped a few people in the process.

Or at least made them laugh. Which is also cool.

That's all for today. I'll answer more tomorrow. And feel free to ask more, if you wanna.


Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that you love blogging. Because if you didn't? The world would not be as great of a place. Especially bloggy world.

frannie said...

glad you are here-- you make me smile.

Caffeine Court said...

Okay-here's a question for you.

How do we get rid of Tyra Banks and get you on the air in her place? You are so damn funny and straight forward-you should have your own show-or at the very least an advice column!

Anonymous said...

Yep. You're still as awesome as I thought you were:).

Ry said...

Wow, thank you so much for that answer! Well, he's certainly no "Raymond", huh?! Good for you! Keeper for sure!! ;)

SJINCO said...

Love your answers chick! Yet again totally honest and real.

I really heart you.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Really enjoyed this post. Of course, the bit about maybe coming to Canada some day made my week. Houses are cheap in the north! =P

Anonymous said...

Jill's comment about Tyra? Funny. And so true :) You should have your own show on Oxygen or WE or NBC. Or something.

I enjoyed your answers--except for the one where Jason's mother is an asshat and a tool. Her loss, really.


Bethany said...

And New Jersey to see me, right?

Angie said...

I'm stil waiting for my "face-to-face" in A.C. Moore!! : )

CPA Mom said...

You help me You and I have such similar lives, outlooks, douch-bags inlaws....

nic said...

and just when i thought you couldn't get any cooler.

ps could you kindly reconsider your stance on crazy people? i am crazy people. we're lots of fun.

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

You are not allowed to visit Canada until you have visited the other side of the state you currently reside in. Got it!

Also, I am so very glad that you blog and that I found your blog and have gotten to "know" you!

Emma in Canada said...

Well, you know...depending on where you choose to live in Canada the housing prices can be quite reasonable. Vancouver? No. Toronto? No. Edmonton used to be, but no longer (though William is convinced they will drop and our poor asses can buy a house...he's dreaming) Halifax? Yes. Regina? Sure, but going up. Winnipeg? Sure, but would you really want to live there?

Still I would love for you to live in Edmonton. Half million dollar houses and all.