Thursday, December 13, 2007

Ten things I do not currently understand.

1) If you have absolutely no idea where you are going, why do you have to go there in rush hour traffic?
2) If you don’t have time to put your make-up on before you leave the house, why do you feel it’s appropriate to do so while driving in your vehicle?
3) How you not stab yourself in the eye with your mascara? I do that regularly when I am standing in my house which does not shift nor move.
4) Why do you feel that it is my responsibility to stop for you as you illegally drive across the median and swerve across two lanes of traffic and directly in front of me so that you can get to the exit you desperately need instead of, you know, just going to the next exit ONE MILE AWAY and turning around if you can not safely exit? Because guess what? I’m not stopping.
5) Why is bad behavior rewarded? I mean, seriously? Why do people who behave like complete jackholes, especially in a work setting, get coddled by the people they work for? Are they afraid they are going to snap and kill everyone? I mean, why doesn’t someone, anyone, just say, “Your behavior is unacceptable and I will not tolerate it and security will now be escorting you out”?
6) If you have an infant and that infant is behaving in a manner in which you feel is inappropriate and you feel like you want to do something like, you know, microwave your baby? Then please send your baby over here to me. My infertile ass would appreciate and love it even if it was crying.
7) After you go to the bathroom, why do you look at it? I mean, you know what’s going to look like. Why is it necessary to review it?
8) If you in a position of equal authority with me, why do you feel that I will make copies for you merely because I have a vagina? My uterus does not give me any different rights to the copy machine. Please rethink your asshatery regarding this situation.
9) If you are thirty-five minutes late for training and get pissed at me, the trainer, for “starting without you” please, please, Oh Lord PLEASE tell me what kind of illegal substances you are partaking in for you would have to be on crack cocaine to be that kind of ballsy to me.
10) Why haven’t I been offered the Queen of The World position yet?


Anonymous said...

Oh, Chick! I have this great job to offer you. How would you like to be queen of Antarctica? There aren't many inhabitants, but the penguins would love you. Esp. as women penguins let the men do the child caring. Whatcha think?

Just kidding, course!

Angie said...

You ARE Queen of my world. . . shhhh. . . I've told my family that indeed *I* am Queen.

I am not telling them that I've abdicated the throne to you.

: )

Anonymous said...

Asshatery = ha ha frickety HA!

People who do stupid things like apply make-up while driving = Dumber than stupid

Those who microwave babies (or abuse children at all) = Microwaved/abused themselves and then prison. Forever.

You being Queen of The World = Something that should totally have happened by now.


frannie said...

can I be co-queen?

Bedtime Storyteller said...

I'd also like to know why some people are so proud of their poop that the need to leave it for *others* to admire.

Priscilla said...

#7 My son takes pictures of 'it' with his camera phone. He does this because it is amazing. I must admit it is, but not even I, who loves him more than life, want to see 'it'.

Dreamer said...

I don't know why people (mostly women) put on makeup while driving. That's soooo weird. I don't understand how they do it.

You are so the Queen of the World.

Blue Tissue Box said...

What?! I totally thought you held the crown for Queen of The World!! Are you sure Jason isn't wearing it to work, so people don't think he's bald? ;)

Lucky Gem said...

Oh, how I hate the drivers who nearly kill everyone around them because THEY need to be in a certain lane. Maybe I'm just a pushover, I just take the next exit and turn around. And you're right about the mascara. I have almost poked myself blind standing still!

Anonymous said...

8 & 9 are so true.

10 perplexes me too. ;)

Patiently waiting said...

lol at blue tissue box :-) Yes I think Jason must be wearing your crown to work. I wholeheartedly agree on the whole abusing children/babies thing...send them my way instead of doing something so senseless.

Amy W said...

AMEN to all of them....

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

Hmmmm, I am wondering about #10 myself!

Tilly said...

Chick, how do you KNOW they look at it? Eeew.

SJINCO said...


You haven't gotten your queen of the world position yet because you are already IN IT.

Yep, you are a queen. A bad ass one to boot.