Friday, January 04, 2008

Open Letters: I just want to cry edition.

Dear Person I used to trust,

You really hurt me today. I sat in front of you and poured my heart out. You looked me right in the face and nodded your head like you understand, but you don't. You didn't hear me. Oh, you were listening, but you didn't hear me. At all.

I thought I could trust you, but you have shown me your opinion of my worth. Now I feel like a fool for ever having believed what you said in the first place.

From now on, I will not confide in you. If you ask me how I am and how things are going, I will be friendly and pleasant and tell you everything is fine. Because that is what you want to hear...all you will hear.

I am so, so deeply disappointed in you. In humanity. In everything I thought you stood for.


Dear person I used to think was a decent human being,

You and I were never what I would call friends, but I believed you were a good person. A few years ago you and I did some volunteer work together and, based on that, I believed that you were a good and decent person.

You've proven me wrong.

I am ashamed of you. I am horrified by how you have treated others. I am appalled at your lack of respect. I am mortified that you can not only justify your behavior, but convince others that you were justified.

You were not justified. You were dead wrong.

I am ashamed of you. I am ashamed to be associated with you in anyway.


Dear friend,

It was so nice to see you today. Because? You are a good person. You were so happy to get the Christmas card I gave you (LATE). You asked about Boy and Girl Child and their Taekwondo. You loved the photos I showed you. You asked how I was and genuinely cared about what my response was.

So thank you. For that.

I'm sorry, for what you have went through in the last two years. I'm sorry that someone you loved hurt you. If I had any single friends that lived close by? I would totally fix you up. Because you? Are fabulous.

I'm sorry that you are hurting. Because you don't deserve to hurt.

Your friend,

Dear Jason,

I love you.

Thank you for hearing me and wanting for things to be easier for me.

It would be much easier to deal with all these other people if I just stopped caring. Thank you for recognizing that it's just not that easy.



julie said...

Don't EVER stop caring. You wouldn't be you and that would really suck.

Anonymous said...

I hate it when I find out people I like or respect or trust suck. Unfortunately as I get older the more I discover that most people do suck.

I'm sorry you have had to go through that discovery and disillusionment with these two people.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Caring hurts. But it feels damn good too. Disillusionment is one of the worst consequences of caring, I think.

Anonymous said...

If you never allow yourself to care, you will never be hurt by the icky people in this world. You will also never have the opportunity to meet amazing people like Jason and friends that stick by you and give back what they get from the relationship. Keep caring you don't want to miss the real friends that will care back.

Edie said...

That makes my heart ache... because I know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry you've been hurt.

Lizarita said...

Oh Chick. So sorry. NEVER STOP CARING. You may get hurt over and over, but you do the world (and me personally) a favor by showing that you care.
And those girls suck and should be poked in the thighs with No. 2 pencils. SHARP ones. xo

Dawn~a~Bon said...


I'm sorry . . . *HUG*
I've had that disillusioned feeling a lot in the past year . . . when I suddenly became the person that others wanted to confide in regarding their extramarital affairs . . . it really made me question SO many things, and it makes my sad. That's why I had to make my NY resolution to not let other people's drama hurt me, because if I think too much about the things they told me, it makes me feel crazy.

I'm sorry that your friends let you down.

frannie said...

I wish I were there for you to pour your heart out to... I would listen and hear you.

Robyn said...

Why are some people such tools? Friends are supposed to be there for you, to support you. Those "friends" do not deserve to have friends like you. That is for sure. Even though I just started reading your blog, you are a great woman!

Angie said...

Man. I always love your open letters. And, although this wasn't the funny kind you usually send us -- this was awesome. Another window into the amazing person that you are.

I am so incredibly blessed by knowing you -- name or no name! : )

my4kids said...

I would be there to listen and care, honest. I can't stand people who you poor your heart to who turn around and take that trust away.
I'm sorry..

Unknown said...

We all have feet of clay.

Try to be forgiving, Chick - so you don't hold onto that hurt inside. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget or place your trust foolishly in future. To me - forgiving is remembering what happened without any bitterness.

I totally understand that horrible, sinking feeling of disappointment when a friend lets you down. The last time it happened to me, this particular person came to me two months later and apologised to me for treating me so horribly (she humiliated me quite deliberately). I accepted her apology and told her I forgave her. I also told her if she ever did that to me again, I would not have anything to do with her.

Apparently she didn't take me very seriously. She was up to her old tricks again within 6 mos. This time when I saw her? I was polite, said 'hello' & 'goodbye'. But other than that? She got nothing from me. Nothing.

And she was the one who ended up standing on the fringes looking and feeling a fool. I pitied her then and I pity her now.

Anyway - what other people think of you, Chick - does NOT matter. IT really doesn't. Get that. Drink it in. Believe it - because it's so true.

Having said that, lololol - I think you're lovely. A beautiful, sensitive, caring person.

Priscilla said...

We hurt because we care.

We trust because it's in our nature to trust. The need to trust. To be trusted and trustworthy.

Pain is a part of life unfortunately. As long as we live we will feel it to some degree. We can't avoid it. We can learn how to deal with it, how to not let it drag us down. Everyone finds there own way here.

But we also feel love, and a whole host of wonderful things.

Thanks for sharing yourself with us.

(gee that was soppy, sorry)

SJINCO said...

Oh Chick, I'm so sorry that you are hurting. It makes me hurt to think that a great individual like you is hurting. I wish there was something I could do.

If I lived closer - I would. I'd listen. And I'd give you a shoulder to cry on.

Hang in there.

so tired said...

My husband (the cynical survival of the fittest type) is always telling me that I expect too much from people. So, I set myself up to be disappointed.

I think that it's kind of like a painful weeding out process to find the people in life that most match your ethics and morals and who appreciate you and who you appreciate. Unfortunately it's a painful necessary process in life. But I don't think you should have to compromise yourself by accepting bad behavior in others. Then you disappoint yourself. And you can't live like that.

CPA Mom said...

What in the frick happened???? Who in the world would dare treat you badly?

Mrs. Booms said...

Jeez this sounds like a rough day. Sorry I'm only now catching up... Poor honey.

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

Even if you tried you could not stop caring. Because that's not the type of person you are and that is why so many people, including myself, love and adore you!