Billy Ray was a preacher's son...

This past weekend while flipping through the channels, I came upon a show on Vh1 that I had not previously seen. I didn't really pay much attention at first. There was noise and fast movement and that's really all I notice anyway. Then I heard the following phrase which is now burned into my memory forever,

"What? My tampon's showing?"


Oh. My. GAWD.


Thus, began my love/hate relationship with I Know My Kid's A Star.

Because seriously. I can't stop watching this crap. I really want to because good gravy, it is horrid. Just horrid. I'm just stunned, appalled and disgusted by these parents. Especially the one who was wearing a skirt so short that she was afraid you could see her tampon string.

First of all, this entire debacle is hosted by...get ready...Danny Bonaduce. Or as I like to call him, Danny Bonadoucewad, or alternately, just The Douche. There are ten children and their parents apparently all living in the same house. They have to compete in various challenges and have eliminations and you know, the basic format of every single reality show on Vh1 these days except this one has kids instead of skankwhores.

Some of the parents seems sane and somewhat normal. The vast majority of them seem to be living our their unfulfilled fantasies via their children. Some of which are actually talented. Some.

There has been only one episode. During which:

-A little girl puked immediately after meeting The Douche. I can't say I blame her, or anything.
-The same little girl donned a pink wig and sang "A Thousand Miles" as though it were a show tune.
-The Tampon String Mom said, "BAM!" to someone and put her hand up in their face.
She didn't do three finger snaps, like I would have done. Also, I wouldn't say Bam. Nor would I wear a cowboy hat, a stripper skirt, and so much eye make-up that the MAC cosmetic ladies would see me coming and shriek, "OH MY GOD! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" But that's not the point.
-Some kid did ballroom dancing.
-No, I'm not kidding.
-Tampon String Mom also told her daughter that she was a single mom and basically, it was up to Tampon String Girl to win them the money so they could have a big house. No pressure, Tampon String Girl.
-A girl from Louisiana declared that her favorite game to eat was Squirrel. But she also likes deer a lot. So that's more politically correct, I guess.

And...well, that's pretty much the whole show. Some kid got eliminated. He and his dad went home. Tampon String Mom breathed a sigh of relief that one more day she could get her television time and mooch off her kid.

I would get all self-righteous about the fact that CLEARLY Tampon String Mom and probably several other of the parents would become famous no matter how much their kids suck just because they act all batpoop crazy on television, but eh. I'm writing about it, so I'm obviously just adding to the stupidity.

I won't be buying any of Tampon String Mom's cd's though. That's where I draw the line.