Tuesday, April 22, 2008

She should see my thighs!

Last night I decided to go to a different place for a walk. Normally I go to a park near my house, but last night I needed to get gas in my car. There are no gas stations near the park, so I drove just a mile or two down the road to a large track with a playground and a basketball court. I have walked there before, many times. It's not my favorite place to walk. But it's okay.

It was crowded. Lots of walkers. Lots of kids playing ultimate Frisbee. Lots of kids on scooters although huge signs clearly stated, "NO SCOOTERS OR SKATEBOARDS". Whatever. If their parents are standing right there watching them not turn out? Nothing I can do about it.

Boy Child and Girl Child and I started around the track. Already walking on the track were two ladies walking together. Okay, "walking" might be a strong word. Basically, they were trudging.

But, okay, fine. That does not bother me. Actually, I thought it was pretty darn great. Because they were larger women. And I? Am a larger woman. And I think it's important to get out there and exercise no matter how fat you are. You know? Because you might lose weight if you exercise. And even if you don't? Well, you can be healthy. And that's good. Right? Okay!

So I'm feeling good. Like, "Yay! Fat people are exercising! We're all in this together! We're working our bodies so that we can all be healthier and fit!"

Then, I lapped them. I knew it would happen because I was, you know, walking. And they? Were trudging.

I smiled as I passed them and said the standard thing I say, "How are y'all?"

They said nothing.

Until I was about 30 steps ahead of them and then one said to the other,


Clearly, I thought, I must have something crazy in my ear. Because, you know, I have a big ass. I know this. It's not a secret or a surprise. But these ladies? Well, they had about the equivalent of five asses. And I could not BELIEVE that someone with the equivalent of five asses would talk smack about me and my jiggly ass.

So I kept walking.

And then the other one said,


They were talking. About my ass.

I turned around and gave them a look which clearly said, "Oh no you DID NOT just talk smack about my booty."

And they? Smirked at me.


The only thing that kept me from yelling, "HEY FIVE-ASS EUNICE! YOU ARE ONE TO TALK!" was because I had the children with me. And I'm a Girl Scout and we don't do crap like that.

I mean, I know women can be bitches to each other. I see this all the time in my own life. But really? I mean, REALLY? It makes them feel better to call me fat? Honestly?

I finished my walk, got my gas, and went home. Five-ass Eunice was still trudging along.

I hope it works for her. Really I do. Maybe if she loses weight and gains some self-confidence she won't be such an unmitigated anus.


CPA Mom said...

oh, no, she did not! I admire your restaint in not bitch slapping her.

Stephanie said...

Wow, I am speechless at their bitchiness.

I have never had anyone say anything to me about my size (large) but my best friend had this happen to her. She went into Brookstone and was looking at the massage pads on the chairs (the display models) and was considering one for her husband. The SALES guy walked up to her and told her they had a 200lb limit so she shouldn't try them out. She is admittedly a FEW (like 10) pounds over 200, but wow I was floored. She just walked out of the store, around the corner, and cried.

frannie said...

that's just sad... what a pathetic human being!

Heather J. said...
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Heather J. said...

Yet again, you prove to be a nicer human than I.
I would have beat the crappy out of her and her friend.

Heather J. said...
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Heather J. said...
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AndreAnna said...


You have far more restraint than I.

I'm sure you have a very nice ass.

Plus, men like a little junk in the trunk.

Anonymous said...

That reminds me of this ad that was on TV years ago. I forget what it was for but there was these 2 fat chicks sitting on a bench in a mall and this really beautiful thin girl walks by. Then one of the chicks looks at her friend and goes "Thick ankles".

You're right, all women bitch to each other and we all seem to tear each other apart a bit but COME ON!

You had actually made the effort to be friendly to these women and then they make comments like that, and loud enough that you could hear it?


I really have to give you credit for showing that much strength. I think the only thing I would have been showing them was the back of my hand.

Then again, I'm certainly no girl scout.

Mrs. Booms said...

You? Yeah you are a much nicer person than me. Seriously.


AmyBow said...

This would have been an opportune time for your kids to say something highly inappropriate, like: Excuse me, ladies, but we have to get by to LAP YOU and your ten asses are clogging up the track.

Not that I encourage that sort of behavior, but sometimes our kids need to know when it is okay to not have the brain/mouth filter.

Tricia said...

Oh HELL no.

And seriously? Why are women so mean to each other? I just don't get this. I know I make snarky little comments here and there, but never unprovoked. Generally, it is because I don't know how to be the bigger person and keep my mouth shut.

Anonymous said...

Well, obviously she's five-ass eunice because she, you know, just trundles instead of actually walking.

Seriously - people like that piss me off. And I pity them. Hurtful for no reason other than to try and boost their sorry ass, flagging, piss poor ego. How sad. Pathetic.

Jana said...

WTF?! Seriously, what is wrong with people? Five ass Eunice sounds like she needs some whoop ass on all five of them...geez, I understand she probaly has self esteem issues but there are much healthier ways of feeling better about yourself than putting others down. Plus, I think big asses are cute, much better to have a large ass than no ass!

Unknown said...

People need to get a forking clue. GAAAAAAAAAAH. How frustrating. I'd have stopped and yelled, girl scout or no. Sorry you had to deal with that biatch. Just remember, karma's a biatch too - hopefully it'll come back to bite Five-Ass Eunice in the arse. Or arses, whichevah.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

How very, very, very sad.

Unknown said...

Wow! I just can't believe two woman would do that. I'm flabbergasted. You would think that they were the bitchy cheerleaders in high school.

It's beyond pathetic that grown women would openly disparage another woman's apprearance especially since they also seem to have more of said appearance.

I think next time, you should heckle back. Hold back the f-bombs, but definitely show your kids that you are worth standing up for yourself.

I too often find myself silent and passive and I don't want to pass that on to my kids. My kids are so sick of me telling them to stand up for themselves and for others that can't stand up for themselves.

As for those jealous bitches, I'm sure God/Karma heard them and they'll get a bajillion skin tags, some pustacles and festering carbunkles, bleeding hemmorroids, and some weeping sores for their evil, hurtful words. Ha!

Anonymous said...

I bet you they were the skinny popular chicks in high school who never ended up amounting to anything except for getting really fat. Except they don't know that they're fat. Because those? Are the bitchiest ones.

I once had a very large lady tell me that an outfit I had on was not flattering and made me look chunky. I was a size 4 at the time. Since there's no way I could fit in to that outfit last year, next year or probably ever, I think it's fair that I still want to find that woman and stab her repeatedly with a fork.

Suzy said...

If we're teaching Girl Scouts not to stand up for themselves, then we need to stop. Those ladies needed to be bitch-slapped. Or at the very least "Pot. Kettle. Black" might have shut them up.

One of the worst qualites in women is that we don't support each other. It's maddening.

Mamma Schmoo said...

OMG!! The nerve that some people have never ceases to amaze me!! Good for you for not stooping to her level.

Patiently waiting said...

Oh my Lord! The nerve of some people. Oh well, you know what they say, people only say bad things about others to make them feel better about themselves or something like that.

BandK said...

The unmitigated NERVE of some people!!! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!! Holy crap!! Geeez.

And you turned around to confront them and they didn't even have the decency to look embarassed at being caught talking smack about your ass.

You have great restraint. But really? You are the better person. Because Karma is going to get those ladies. And get them good. And it will be fun! LOL

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

Five ass Eunice could lose all the weight in the world and have the perfect figure, but she would still be a judgmental bitch with no class.

Devon said...

oh my goodness. that's like the kids at the roller skating rink yelling "wide load coming through" at my friend when we were kids. what jerks! all of them!

Mikey said...

Please tell me you're going to go back. Please please please!
You gotta go back and have some fun with that. Bend over and shake it. Start singing that Milkshake song, lol.
And I would surely say something to them, along the lines of "If you actually MOVED a little faster, you might lose some weight and your fat ass could jiggle too, instead of draggin the ground"
Sweetie, the jiggle is a good thing. Trust me, men like it. I promise.

Allie said...

Kudos on your restraint because I seriously would have said something.

EE said...

"Ugly" people suck! Sorry that you had to experience that!

Zephyr said...

Ha what "I'm mikey" said!

I dunno... I think total idiots like that DESERVE for something to be said. Of course, I'm a bitch, so maybe I'm not the best one to listen to!

Anonymous said...

OMG! I can't believe how angry I am for you. I want to get all Whitney Houston on those fools. What a couple of DUMB asses! Congrats on your maturity. Gee, I don' know if I can even spell it right...

Lisa O.

Stephanie said...

I agree with AmyBow. I think that would have been one of those times for BoyChild or GirlChild to just bust out with some of their amazing wisdom.

Like it would have been seriously hilarious to hear one of them actually tell those ten-ass ladies that they were acting like unmitigated anuses. And that phrase? Rocks my whole world. :)

Birth Sister Doula Services said...

I'd have said something along the lines of, you can lose all the weight you want, but you can't fix stupid.

BandK said...

LOL What "birth sister" said.

Oh, and this too: You could say "I might be fat, but you're ugly. At least I can lose weight." ROFLMAO

Anonymous said...

I'm not known for my tact, kindness nor my humility.

Even with my children hanging off o' me like a set of earrings I would've turned around and told them off.

In fact I'd like for my daughter to see me do that.

And darlin' so long as yer ass isn't hitting your calves yer in good shape.


Anonymous said...

And these women were adults??? If I was there mother I would have beat them senseless right there on the track. Even if they were 50.

Anonymous said...

And these women were adults??? If I was there mother I would have beat them senseless right there on the track. Even if they were 50.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Seriously? What a couple of bitches. Your restraint is better than mine because I would have been in their faces. Women suck.

Jennilu said...

You should have looked at them and asked "How many trips it was going to take yall to haul ass?" ;) You're too nice!

Kelly said...

Yeah I think I would have turned around and said something to them...like thank you or something. You know "kill them with kindness" I totally agree, their self esteems are LOW!! Which is why they feel the need to make fun of other people..but hey you passed them so what's that say!! THeir bitches..

Kelly said...

Yeah I think I would have turned around and said something to them...like thank you or something. You know "kill them with kindness" I totally agree, their self esteems are LOW!! Which is why they feel the need to make fun of other people..but hey you passed them so what's that say!! THeir bitches..

Angie said...

I just think it's sad that people have such low (collective) self esteems that they feel it necessary to point out the flaws (real or imagined) in other people.

Sad world.

SJINCO said...

Wow, what sad excuses for human beings. Grown women no less.
Sounds like they just need to grow up.

I would not have handled it as calmly as you did however, just thinking about it pisses me off.

Anonymous said...

OMGWTF! I would have had to ask them if they own mirrors or a scale? And then I'd have said exactly what I say about DH's revolting ex-wife. "Yes, I'm fat, but you're a bitch. And I can lose weight. You'll always be a bitch." And then I'd just keep walking.

Anonymous said...

Oh, they're just jealous. And mean.

Emma in Canada said...

Freaking women. And we blame men for starting all the wars. I think we are far worse.

Jenski said...

Sounds like five-ass Eunice is jealous of your single ass. Maybe she's never seen her whole ass because it doesn't fit in a mirror?

Do I go straight to hell for saying that now?

Anonymous said...

You know those chow cows only said something because there were two of them. They would not have been so brazen if it had only been one of them.

Good for you to bite your tongue for your kids sake.

Next time leave your Girls Scouts Honor at home and talk trash back to the cows!
Karen- Mckinney,Tx

kristi said...

That is just WRONG! I probably would have said something as equally hateful back.