Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Being a mom is fun. Or something.

Girl Child: "Mom? What's masturbation?"

Me: "Um, I'll tell you when you are just a little tiny bit older."

Girl Child: "Okay."

Boy Child: "Mom? When I had chicken pox were they all over my body?"

Me: "Yes."

Boy Child: "Everywhere? On my hands and feet and legs and arms?"

Me: "Yep. Everywhere."

Boy Child: "Even on my branch?"

Me: "Pardon me?"

Boy Child: "You know. My branch."

Me: "Are you referring to your penis?"

Boy Child: "Yes."

Me: "Well, yes. And on your cubes."

Boy Child: "OH! MY! GOD!"

Me: "What?!? You're the one talking about your penis over there!"

Boy Child: "GAH!"

Girl Child: "Mom? What fellatio?"

Me: "OH MY GOOD GOD! What are you READING? Are you children trying to KILL ME DEAD?"

Good times. Good. Times.


frannie said...

seriously??? fellatio???? Oh, dear sweet baby Jesus!!

J said...

Where did they get those things from? Oh lord I soooo CAN wait until Princess is older. I do not want to deal with all that.

Jenski said...

I can see picking up the word "masturbation". But "fallatio"?? Good luck.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

Holy hell. Where do these kids go to school???

Cass. Just Curious said...

Just to show what a prude of a girl I am/was I had to look UP the word fallatio. Yeah, sad, I know.

Anonymous said...

Okay. I don't know what has me laughing harder: Boy Child referring to his junk as a branch; you referring to his gonads as cubes or Girl Child asking what fellatio is.

Either way? I'm happy I'm not at THAT stage yet :)

SJINCO said...

Love the term 'branch' - absolutely LOVE IT.

How old are your kids again? Seriously, is this what I have to look foward to!?

Angie said...

Okay, I'll play. Where'd they hear them?

BandK said...

Hmmm . . . better check your cable bill. It may come back with a Pay Per View movie that starts with "Debbie Does . . . . "


Anonymous said...

This had me laughing out loud.

When I was about 9 years old I distinctly remember asking my mom what an orgasm was. All I got was, "Uh, I don't know." I reminded her about that a couple of years ago. We had a good laugh on that one.

Julie said...

My branch - I've never heard it referred to a branch. A twig maybe but a branch?

CPA Mom said...

your kids rock. seriously though, what was she reading. tell me it was not judy blume. ha!

kristi said...

LOL!! My son does a "pee pee dance" AND "a booty dance". Use your imagination!

Wenderina said...

This is one of those moments. You know the ones. The ones where I sit back and laugh at your story and pat myself on the back for choosing not to be a mom. I mean they are entertaining and cute and all, but I so do not need to answer questions like this. Glad that you are. That way I can believe future generations will have humor and grace when they first hear these questions from their kids.

Birth Sister Doula Services said...

I love it. I just love it. And I'm so glad it's not me. :)

When my brother was about 2 or 3, we were in the grocery store in the produce section, and my brother very loudly asked my mom "what's masturbation?" Every head in the entire section turned to hear what my mom was going to tell him. (She said we'd talk about it when we got home.)

My boys found their dad's stash of old Playboys a few weeks ago. "Why does dad have magazines with naked women?" Because men like to look at beautiful women. "Without their clothes on?" Yes. "That's weird." I know. But it's okay. It's normal. Just don't expect any of the women in your future to look like those pictures. Because real women? Are not airbrushed.

Anonymous said...

someone might need a new hobby. I'm just say'n.

Kelly said...

omg way too funny...where the heck are they hearing this stuff? But hey at least they are comfortable in asking you and telling you things..thats a plus!

Sabrina said...


i'm homeschooling :)

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

Jeeeezus!! I? Am not ready for questions like those!