Sunday, May 25, 2008

If Brenda shows up? I'm outta here.

Last night I had a dream about Jason Priestley.

Yup. The guy who was on Beverly Hills 90210.

He wasn't Brandon Walsh in the dream. Or maybe he was. I can't remember and I don't think I ever said his name during the dream anyway.

The dream wasn't sexual or anything. In the dream, he and I were falling in love.

It was really strange. I could feel the emotions so vividly. The butterflies in the stomach. The excitement. The anticipation. All of it.

I woke up and felt...I don't know. Sad? Disappointed? Something. I'm not sure what.

Because it's really nice to feel that falling-in-love feeling, isn't it?

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. I love our family. But I don't feel a lot of butterflies anymore when I see him. I feel comfortable and safe, but I don't have that anticipation anymore. Sometimes, God love him, I enjoy when he has to travel because I need a break.

It worries me, a bit. In a lot of ways I feel like it's normal. But still.

We've been married five years, almost. And I wonder.

How do people who have been married ten or twenty or thirty years keep that feeling? Is it even possible?


Krissie said...

We'll be married 5 years in July.

I love when my husband travels 'cause then I get the butterflies when I know he is coming home.

And, personally, I'd take safety and comfort over butterflies. I am just amazed every day that he loves me.

Allie said...

We have been married 5 1/2 years and I miss that feeling too. Its so fun and exciting falling in love but you forget about all the pain that goes with it too. So although you no longer have that feeling of butterflies in your stomach, you also don't have that feeling of uncertainty and doubt about if he feels the same way. I think its a fair trade.

Anonymous said...

I've been married seven years, and I can say I feel that way. It's normal. I think it's normal. I think the real challenge of marriage is to still enjoy each other's company, maintain communication and intimacy and make it through "the stuff" together. I think the butterflies are just the mechanism that take you to that feeling. Of course, I'm not a marriage expert, so don't listen to me. :)

frannie said...

there are a lot worse things than "comfortable" that one could feel about her husband! :)

it's a good thing!

Ry said...

I'm 31, and I've been married to my hubby since I was 18. (12 1/2yrs). I think that happens sometimes, so you have to renew that spark sometimes. Whatever thay may's different for every couple. I love him more each day, but I do miss that "feeling" sometimes. All it takes somedays, is a song, or smelling his cologne that he always wore when we were dating. Then I get all lovey dovey.

DND said...

DH and I have been married 15 and 1/2 years. I do still get butterflies, but to be fair, we only spend every other month together since he works out of the country. I think it is just a matter of spending the time you have together in a quality way.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I have been married 14 years and I know what you mean.

And after all these years? I definitely believe absence makes the heart grow fonder. It gives us both a break. I know I always use that time to reflect a little on our relationship. And by the time he's on his way home - I'm recharged and raring to resume our relationship with renewed vigour.

It's okay to have a little individual time to yourselves where everyone is involved in their own little world. But it's even more important (imo) to make sure you have COUPLE time together. A date night. A daily routine of walking with each other. A nightly back rub while you talk to each other about the day's events while you unwind. A bubble bath together - or one chats to the other while they're in the bath. WHATEVER hits the groove for the two of you. Just making the effort to connect with each other. And not getting offended when it isn't always charged with passion or romance.....going with the flow;) on that note.

(FAMILY time is important too -- like eating all meals together is a must in our house, but you asked about the spark;)).

It's EASY to get lost in your own little world (trust me on this one) and get stuck in a dull routine where you're all 'is THIS all there is to it?'---- so, just understand it takes work; a conscious effort to maintain a connection with the person you fell in love with.

I still feel those butterflies when my husband's about to come home. Okay, as soon as he walks in the door, he can easily undo them by tracking mud all over my freshly mopped floor, but I'm glad to see him.......and I've learned to tease him about the muddy floor, rather than bitch about it. (most of the time) When I tease him about my muddy floor? He's so sweet and makes an (albeit usually pathetic) effort next time. I try to focus on his efforts rather than the muddy floors.

Hey, I'm a work in progress. But that's my two cents.

Ask me again in another 14 yrs.

Ry said...

PS- you could totally take Brenda!

Angie said...

I don't know except for what I've experienced. As you know. . .I "left home" for 2 days -- just to save my sanity. And to help me remember why I like living here so much!

Sometimes. . .while watching Vincent on L&O:CI, I remember that "feeling" (I guess there were butterflies) when M and I were first dating. I don't always have those feelings now. And, sometimes, I miss them -- other times, I'm relieved. (Shhhh!)

I don't know. .. I think some of it is affected (deeply) by the phase of life YOU find yourself in. My reactions and emotions have "adjusted" themselves over the years.

I tell myself that it's totally natural. . . :)

Jill said...

we'll be coming up on 7 years next month. i've been feeling pretty sick lately, but its always nice when he goes off and does something on his own (4 wheeling, hanging out with his guy pal), because then there's something new and interesting to talk about when he gets home. I get some peace and quiet while he's gone, and i actually miss him. and of course recently he's been really sweet and taking care of me, so even though i havent been exactly jumping him lately, i still have a lot of 'aww' feelings, which is nice. maybe he needs to go do something fun for himself, the kids need a vacation at grandma's and you need some time alone. (also my hubby really misses me and being around other people reminds him of how much he loves me, and he always tells me that in some way when he returns)...

or maybe you're just in a downswing, hell, you've had job losses and worries, and that's never a good thing. we had some hard times when my hubby was taking 18 hours of classes and working, he was tough to be around and i was prickly because i never wanted to disturb him. that went away though with a change in circumstances. maybe you need a day date while the kiddos are in school or otherwise occupied?

Tricia said...

Oh how I miss that new love feeling. But. I really don't miss all that worrying and unease that comes with a new relationship. The waiting. The unanswered questions. It's a trade-off I think. And then sometimes, they do something that reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place. And you get a little twinge of the butterfly feeling.

...or else, you dream about Jason Priestley....

Anonymous said...

I knew it wouldn't last.

Joy T. said...

Apparently I am the old goat here with being married 22 years this year. All I will say is definitely possible :o)

SJINCO said...

I know this feeling all too well - it sucks.

But you do hear all the time that it's normal - you just have to keep that spark alive - that's all!

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

I sometimes wonder that. Chris and I have been married for 3 years in July and that's a record for both of us as sad as that sounds.

I believe it is possible though, it just takes alot of work.