Okay, so here's my dealio.
Jason's grandma.
She's lonely.
We talk to her on Sunday and she cries the whole time. Says she's sad. She misses home. She's lonely. She doesn't have any friends. She's unhappy.
She's moved from New Hampshire, where she lived for a very long time, and is now in North Carolina.
We have no idea if any of this is accurate. We don't live there. She has Alzheimer's(at least the beginning stages) so does she even really know if people are visiting regularly? It's really hard to know what the truth is and what isn't.
But she's lonely and that's a problem. She's an old lady and she's Jason's grandma and she's lonely.
And that? Is not acceptable.
So I get on the internet and start looking things up. I find a service in their county that will come and visit with her and even help her with small errands and things. Totally free of charge.
Which is, of course, what I would do if I were there.
But I'm not there.
So should I stay out of it or not?
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32 comments:
My recommendation? If it were me, I'd have Jason do it. Something like that needs to be done. But it's his grandma and his mom/sister that are doing nothing about it. And let it be HIS ass that takes heat from those stupid beyotches (you KNOW they will get pissed). You don't need the grief.
Oh goodness, do it, do it, do it! Or at least look into it. I wouldn't volunteer information about there being relatives close by. Wait till it comes up, then say as little as possible. Which is worse: the wrath of the in-laws, or the guilt over grandma? You're the GOOD guy, here, remember?
I think you and Jason should look into it together. And if he thinks its a good idea too, then do it. That way the mother & sister can't just get upset with you, it was Jason's decision too.
I think Jason should make the call, since it is his blood relative. I wouldn't worry too much of what the Mom and sister think of you two, as long as you don't think they'd take it out on Grammy (by ignoring/neglecting her). You can always hang up the phone. Even assuming that Jason's mom and sister are stopping by, or even staying for long periods of time, it's not long enough for Grammy. And she's what matters. So even if they're doing their absolute best, Alzheimers patients (even in the early stages) need help. And the sooner services can start, the better for Grammy and the family. Eventually she will need services of some kind, and if they can start small now (running errands, short visits)it will be easier later. Sorry such a long response.
I work with Alzheimer's patients for a living and I say, unequivocally, make the call. She should not be living alone, regardless of the proxomity of family members. It's good fo you to be fair by assuming Granny could be forgetting. My issue is, I think it is pretty telling that you wrote your MIL and SIL a letter and they never responded...
Can they do an assessment? Go in and check on her, meet with her and talk with her, and see if they can figure out the truth that you can't figure out from a distance?
If no one else will help, and she's crying out for help-I say get involved!
I agree, you should call the service, you don't need to mention that the relatives are close, just that she needs someone to come and spend time with her.
Is she near me? I would be more than happy to stop in and say hello...and bring my two crazy kids to drive her batty :).
I think the advice to make sure Jason is involved is right on. You can't take this on yourself, especially since you know there will be a crap storm from the in-laws.
Get this lonely woman some assistance. She needs someone to look out for her when you can't.
Jason should make the call, you should be there with him.. and in fact so should the twins. It's a good life lesson or two that they can learn from their parents.
Also, I suspect you can then get information back from them like how often they visit and be alerted if they think Grammy needs medical help or in home nursing that she is not getting.
Do it, Do it, Do it!
Wouldn't you want it done if it was for you? Definately, like everyone else is saying, have Jason do it and you be there standing beside him, but do it. I know I wouldn't want to be old and have no one visit me for days. That has got to be terrifying.
That's a tough one. I definitely agree that Jason should be the one to take care of things, even if you just gave him the info and told him to make the call. Women tend to be the caretakers, and I think men just don't think about these things.
However, the Alzheimer's is a concern. People with Alzheimer's often aren't telling the truth; not because they are lying on purpose, but simply because they forget. My FIL has beginning-to-mid-level dementia, and his short-term memory is shot. He keeps telling everyone, for instance, that my SIL (his daughter) "stole" his car. Well, my FIL is in no shape to drive, even though he THINKS he is. And if you just listen to him without getting the "real" story? You'd think my SIL was being "mean' by withholding the car from him. Not true.
I say investigate it, and take everything she says with a grain of salt. Knowing what you've said about your inlaws, it could very well be true. However, if they visit and such, the Grandmother may just be forgetting.
do it.
make sure jason is the mover and shaker on it, tho. just to protect yourself from hurt.
I would definitely get Jason to give them a call. I hate the idea of her being lonely. That is so sad.
Whether it's true or not, grandma is feeling lonely, and that's all that matters. As everyone else said, get Jason to make the call.
She might be foregetting or they may be really busy that they just can't get over there as much as grandma needs. She's lonely, that needs to be taken care of. I thin you should stay in it :)
Wow I can spell..sorry :)
I think that you should make the call. Even with them living right there, I am sure that a little company every day would be wonderful for her. My gram lived with us 6 of the last 7 years of her life. We had a lady come in 3 times a week to help her bathe, and tidy up her room and just socialize with her while we were at work. She really enjoyed someone dropping by during the day.
I think you should do it- provided Jason is on board.
I think everyone has good advice here. I can't weigh in because the woman who is not related to me but who I've known since I was born, was recently taken out of my life by a very jealous and I think bi-polar, granddaughter.
She's 96 and probably doesn't know what's going on or even remembers that I used to call her. To make it short, I called the nursing home once and they said she was no longer there. In a panic I called the granddaughter crying. And she let loose on me and said she would never tell me where my 'grandma Jean' was.
I'll never recover from that, ever. So I wish you the best either way and hope it works out.
Jason should do it. But the call should be made. Let the agency figure out if she really needs the assistance. That is what they do.
I hope it all goes well for both you guys, and for her.
I'd call... I am in a VERY similar situation right now. My Grandma lives in Kansas (actually, she's not even my real G-ma.. I didn't even know she existed until I was 16 and she REmarried my g-pa after my other g-mas death... long story, sorry) and one of her sons, my half uncle, lives not 3 minutes away from her and hardly does squat... We went and visited last weekend and she has been lonely.. she was in the hospital a few weeks ago and didn't tell me or my father and then we find out that NONE of her kids visited her.. Only her pastor...
I'm going to be going up there in a little over a week again to visit... I love her and I can't imagine doing that kind of thing to someones own family..
My mothers side of the family is SO close... there are about a million of us and I couldn't imagine life without them... sometimes I forget that I have that other side... It's weird..
Okay, sorry... I've been rambling and I'm sure I've made little sense, not to mention how depressing it all sounds....
But I would call the poeple who offer free assistance. Or at least have Jason do so. Even if her daughter and grand daughter ARE visiting her it can't hurt to have more company. Right??
Again, sorry I went off there..
XOXO
my grandmother has beginning stages of alzheimers... and she gets lonely (and she is right up the road from my parents and me). i think the whole thing with jason's gram- whether or not jason's relatives visit her... is that she is probably bored out of her skull. i know my grandma has a hard time focusing on anything. the tv just gets on her nerves, she can't read much because she can't retain the info, she can't write because she's so shakey and she can't think to do puzzles or do sewing, crafting, etc. she walks and walks and walks because she doesn't know what else to do. i definitely think you and jason should contact those people. we visit with my grandma often - but there is still so much of the day that she has to try to keep herself busy that it makes her sad and lonely. the organization who offers care should understand - whether or not there is family around to help her out and visit... there is only so much they can do (whether they really are or not). i believe you will really help to make a difference! also, maybe try to send her a card each week to brighten her day!! :) good luck!
I think you and Jason should do it together.
Something needs to be done.
Grammy shouldn't be sad and lonely.
Make the call. Either you or Jason. Someone needs to do it. And I am with Amy....I am in Goldsboro so if I live near her, I will go and visit if you need me to.
Delurking to say my only thought was what would you want her to do if the situation was reversed and you were lonely?
okay i didnt read all the comments, but i agree, it should be done. have Jason make the call. it shouldnt or doesnt matter if there are relatives there or not. my grandma could have had that service, and all of us were out of town, but she refused because she had alzheimers and thought that the people coming in were going to steal from her. totally irrational, but that's alzheimers. the least you can do is have Jason give them a call and talk to them. explain the situation and have someone check it out. if she's not being cared for, it will show, and they WILL do something about it. Even though my grandma refused help, the state of MO was still going to try and put my dad and his brothers and sister in jail (even though none of them lived in the same state) because she was 'being neglected' even though she refused help and they begged her to get help. basically, they had to drug her and take her to a nursing home so they didnt go to jail. it sucked. it still sucks. but that's how life is. if because there are relatives nearby they WONT do it, then have them suggest a church with someone who can volunteer to go sit with her once a week. an older lady, maybe whom she won't fear and could do things with. if they can't suggest someone, have Jason call a random church.
Even if her family is visiting, which is questionable, I think everybody deserves a new friend. It will give her something new to think about and get excited about during her days. Go for it.
I would go ahead and call the agency, but if you are wondering if she is being taken care of, perhaps an anonymous call to Senior Protective Services might be in order. It might at least be a wakeup call to the Witches.
You can't pass this opportunity to make a difference in Grandma's life. Both you and Jason should call and make an attempt to help.
Is it normal for an Alzheimer's patient to live alone? Even if it is next door, it seems a bit dangerous. I would say Grammy needs to be living with someone. That would take care of her loneliness too. Maybe Jason should call his Mom and see what he can find out, before taking any action.
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