Monday, October 20, 2008

Blue. Or some crap.

Lately, I've been feeling like giving up.

Not on life. I'm not suicidal or anything like that. A whole, whole lot of my existence is pretty freaking spectacular. My husband and kids and even my stinky-ass dog all rock my world. My house is small, my heart is big. Or you know, whatever.

But I'm tired. I'm tired of writing. I'm oh. so. tired. of being rejected. I'm tired of people calling me fat and calling me a cunt. It's like being attacked and there's nothing I can do about it.

There are other things as well. Anonymity, for one. Relationships are complicated. Blah, blah, blah. I've been down this path many times and it's never easy or fun. Lately, it's ramping up. And it's hard.

I don't like it.

I've been struggling with something from my past. Something I've never written about. I'm not yet sure I want to write about it. Not sure if there would be any benefit. I hate that too...that indecisiveness. I'm not prone to indecision. In fact, I try really hard not to over think anything. I think just enough and then I act. I have stuff to do. Important stuff, and not just things like talking to my sister on the phone and calculating Points values and trying to think of ways to make chicken exciting again.

Thus, I am bummed.

I got an email on Sunday night and I hope the author doesn't mind if I share a very small portion of it here:

And you inspire me to actually LIVE what I PREACH. What with the whole, "be your own kind of beautiful" thing and what-not.

And my God. MY. GOD. That is horrendously flattering. And wonderful. And...inspiring.

Because lately I'm not feeling it so much.

I really need to get it back.

So thanks, new reader. Maybe Steph will get her groove back.


Unknown said...

Please keep going! I start every morning with you and some days it's the only thing laugh I get at work!

Sarcasta-Mom said...

I'm sorry you're struggling. I've been having my own issues with life lately, and it sucks out loud.

If it helps, I've been to many writing conventions, and heards TONS of well published authors talk about thier piles of rejection letters beofre they found one publisher or agent who actually believed in their work. Many of them say you're not a real writer until you have a few hundred rejection letters :)

You're a fantastic writer, and someday, you'll be one of those fantastically talented writers on a podium somewhere telling everyone about the gazillion rejection letters you recieved, while the crowd shakes their heads in disbelief. I just know it. Keep it up Chick!

Anonymous said...

Please keep on writing. I check out your blog everyday and you really crack me up. It makes my day better. And seeing how you have a wonderful husband and adorable kids, gives me hope that I'll find the right one for me.

Mrs. Booms said...

And if you can't get your groove back then at least get your groove on.

At least that's what I do when I feel very much like this.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

You really are inspiring like that. It freaks me out a bit when I get comments or emails like that. Hugely flattering but...umm...I -read- bloggers like that. Being told I'm one of them is just bizarre. Weird and good all at once. is a fab free online review site. I'm getting some awesome feedback there. Only problem is that it takes time. For every review you write someone reads and reviews your own work. I'm finding it to be really worth the time investment though. It's encouraging me to keep going.

Mike Marshall said...

If you stop writng here, then you've let the assholes who've called you names and said mean things win. There will always be someone who is such a small (or sick) person that they need to say things to someone they don't even know to make themselves feel better. I think you're funny and FUCK the assholes. Peace, Mike.

SJINCO said...

Oh Chick, don't give up!

There are so many more people out there in the world that LOVE you vs. the ones that seem to hate you. And besides, those haters are just jealous.

You really are inspiring, and funny and fanfreaking fantastic. Don't try to convince yourself otherwise...

Captain Steve said...

Eh. Screw 'em. They come to your blog to call you a cunt? Weeeeak.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

Ditto Steve. They're weak. It takes a LOT of courage to put yourself out there . . . at work, in relationships, and to the internets at large! I admire you and I enjoy your blog enourmously. And that thing? That I owe you? I'm going to get it back to you very soon! With (hopefully) helpful input!

Amy W said...

I agree, don't give up. Keep trying.

Angie said...

Part of me wants to say that "it's always darkest before the dawn." Because I feel like you're on the cusp of something. . . and if you give up now, you'll never know what that is.

As for the people that come on here with hurtful words? They suck.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I'm right there with you on the stopping thing. I feel like I'm being pulled in about 90 different directions and that if I don't drop something, I'll be pulled apart. And, unfortunately, the blogging thing suffers for it.

I hope you find the strength/time/ability/whatever to keep blogging. I love coming here and every time I see the words "hot mess" in your posts, I snort. And in a good way. :)

Anonymous said...

Steph, We've ALL got issues, hon, of one kind and another, so don't worry about that. And seriously, if someone calls you obscenities and makes negative references to your weight, it says way more about them than it does about you. Normal people don't act like this. I've never left an insult on any blog! Good grief. Plus all of us love you, so who cares about dumb people? love, V

~Mountain Lover~ said...

People come here to call you names? First of all, how completely pathetic they must be to do that, needing to empower themselves by cutting down others.

I've only been reading your blog for a month or two, but I think it's wonderful.

Do what's best for you, but don't let a few a-holes tear you down and keep you from doing what you want to do.

Anonymous said...

People have been calling you the C word? What a big pile of douche.

Your awesome.

You'll find your light again. I know it. And we will all be here when you do.