Despite the fact that it is named for him, Jason is not a regular reader of this blog. He and I talk about it pretty frequently and he reads from time to time, but really? It's just kind of my thing. He and I have an unspoken agreement. He doesn't freak out about anything I put on the internet and I don't tell anything weirder than the beard brush.
It works out fine.
Blogging ebbs and flows. Sometimes I have a million ideas and a million things to say and sometimes I can't think of anything not stupid. Plus, and I don't really know how to say this, but my life is huge these days. HUGE. I have twelve hundred tons of stuff going on all the freaking time. Things have been insane lately.
Not that I'm complaining. I'm not. I love my life. It's just a lot.
I get emails and comments every day from people who read my blog and I'm grateful for all of them, even the ones in which people are really mean and rude. Because, dude. People are reading. Even if you think I'm an idiot or don't agree with me or whatever. People are listening. And that's weird for a girl who grew up never being heard. For a girl who is far to often not heard in real life.
I was sharing some of the emails I've recently received with Jason and he got the strangest look on his face.
"People are really weird about you," he said.
And I laughed. God, how I laughed.
He frowned. "No, it's just...you're just you."
I get what he means.
I also think it's weird. It scares me sometimes.
It's weird that people care what I have to say. It's weird that hundreds of people read my thoughts every day. It's bizarre that anyone cares about me and my family and even my stinky-ass dog. It's insane when I think about all the people who take time to email me. People who have never met me who comfort me in times of sadness and laugh with me in times of joy. People who send me Christmas cards and donate money to things I care about. People who send me words of encouragement. People who like me enough to ask me to write for them. Even those people who are mean to me and cut me down, but come back every single day. People who just listen to all this insane crap that comes falling out of my brain.
It's really weird sometimes.
And I'm so freaking thankful for it. For every single bit of it.