Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Open Letters: Gratitude comes tomorrow edition

Dear lady at the badge office this morning,

Okay, so I forgot my badge. That was totally my bad. I started thinking about things like having two days off and pecan pie and whatnot and I done lost my mind. I get that.

However, it was really, really, REALLY, REALLY uncool of you to make me sit out in the waiting area while you held a 20 minute conversation with your co-worker about cornbread dressing. I mean, seriously. I know cornbread dressing is an intregal part of your life or whatever, but you get paid way, way more than me and since you are actually at work and someone actually needs you to do something so they can go get to work, it would be so pleasant if you would actually do your job instead of talking about side dishes.

Thanks ever so,
Forgotten badge girl

Dear 200 year old man in the government truck,

Hon, I know it was like 180 years ago when you got your drivers license and all, but when you are sitting on a side road and pulling out into traffic? You have to look both ways.

Yes, there was no one coming ONE direction, but there was someone, namely me, that was coming the OTHER direction.

You almost running into me and killing me because you neglected to look both ways makes you a big fat douchepatty.

Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving,
That woman you almost ran over because you are a douche

Dear Security Police Officer who saw the old man in the truck almost run me over and did absolutely nothing,

Great job douchehat.

That Chick who flipped you off


Frannie said...

hope your Thanksgiving goes better than today did!

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Oi yeah...really hope things picked up after the nearly-getting-killed part o'the day!

Angie said...

Things I am thankful for:

Cornbread Dressing (sorry, but it's true)
The word "Douchehat"
Open Letters

Oh. . .and Hugh Jackman

Have an awesome Thanksgiving, my friend!

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for awhile now, and I do not know you. However, as a graduate in mental issues from Yale. I have read that all this blog rant is about your weight.
You think that if you lost 100 lbs you would be the happiest.
You write, blog's and books, and journals alone.
In solitude.
I know depression is no joke, I know weightloss is miserable on the eve of Thankgsgiving.
And, I know from what I read that your husband is the best thing ever.
But, publishing this book is not going to help you.
Losing 100 lbs is not going to help you.
You will not be happy until you get it.
Get why you are here.
Get your life.
Get your reason.
And that is what, I know you will soon learn.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Douchehat made me snort!

Anonymous said...

tes douche hat was the funnist thing I have ever in my entire life heard.
mucho props!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Sigh. I just read the comments. Sending a big hug and a burst of HILARIOUS laughter. love, V

Bethy said...

Dear Anonymous,

I don't believe you went to Yale. Leave the diagnosis to the professionals. Also? You are clearly an insecure a-hole.