Cause I ain't been nothin' but bad.

I'm not getting anything for Christmas this year.

Not just because every single year my husband waits until the last minute either(Yesterday he says, "Hey babe? What day is Christmas again?" Yeah). I did ask Jason to see if he could find a Wii Fit for me and for some reason they are just so hard to find this year, and well, I joined a gym anyway so it doesn't even seem to matter.

There is just nothing I want.

It's so strange. It's a mix of utter contentment with my life and absolute repulsion at the amount of stuff I have already accumulated.

I'm tired of everything in my house. Except the husband, the kids, and the dog. Everything else? I wish I could just kind of start over with a clean slate.

I get this way almost every December. I start looking forward to January and having a fresh start. I'm not big on resolutions really, but I like to think about goals. I like to think about where I'm going to be.

And to be honest? This year? Had a really extreme mixture of good and bad.

My only goal for this year was to be published somewhere with something. Somehow I managed to achieve that goal, I'm happy to say and next year? It's going to be even better. I've started on my next book. The city book is coming along. Things are happening.

I like when things happen.

I don't like clutter though. Not in my house, on my desk, or in my life. This past year I've done really well at eliminating clutter in my personal life. I've cut off some "friendships" that needed cutting off. I've stopped feeling guilty about not giving my time to people who don't appreciate it. I've even managed to carve a little time out, nearly every week, that's just for me. By myself. No guilt and no regret.

I've started getting the clutter out of my life too. I've seen my children's baby toys walk out the door in bags. Clothes that no longer fit are given away to someone who can put them to use or sold on eBay for a little bit of money. Moving out with the old and never looking back.

I can do better. But I'm getting there.

Mostly, I suppose it's about the incredible amount of peace in my life right now. I'm so content with my family, our church, the work we are all doing. I'm changing my life and while it's scary and hard and sometimes extremely sucky, it's also motivating. I feel really good and really strong these days. I feel like I'm making a difference in my husband's life and my children's lives, but also my own life. Which has always, up until now, taken a backseat to everyone else's lives.

It's pretty cool.

So I guess there is nothing I really want for Christmas.

Except for morons to stop speeding through the drop-off lane at the Elementary school before they kill somebody. That would be cool.