I'm not feeling so close with my husband lately.
Not that there's anything wrong, necessarily. It's just that we've had all this stuff going on lately...both of us. So it seems like we've not been connecting very much.
He's supportive of me and my book. He's working his butt off at his new office. He's even cool with the idea of us uprooting our entire lives and moving to North Carolina in a year or two, just so I can have more time with my dad.
So it's not bad. It's not like we're fighting or anything.
Just feeling kind of...apart.
Any ideas?
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22 comments:
If you think of any ideas, let me know. My husband is driver for UPS and gets home at 8 pm every night and I run a business with my Mom and work 6 days a week and I tend bar two nights a week.
Some days I only see him when he's asleep. It's pathetic really. Good thing he's understanding.
I don't have any suggestions other than sitting down and talking to him.
I know. . .elementary, my dear Watson. :)
And, I can assure you, there are other couples that either are going through this very thing (ahem) or have gone through it in the past (coughs again because her hubby reads your blog!)
in my short time of being married it;s either your on or your off and hopefully the off times are way less that the on. do something fun together.
Okay, I totally sound like Dr. Laura and I really don't want to, but for me, it's all about sex. Not just once, but frequently. At least two or three times a week. I know, I know, I know. (Maybe I think that's a lot and you're already having sex every day except Sunday.) But sometimes a little physical connection goes a long way towards more emotional connection. It keeps the husband happy, it releases some of the tension I feel, and then he feels obligated to cuddle. Which makes me feel better.
I had a conversation once with a couple of girlfriends and we kind of came up with the the blah...sometimes you don't want to do it, but you have to take one for the team and most of the time you realize pretty early on that you enjoy sex, too! theory.
So sometimes, even if I'm not "really" in the mood, I'll start putting the moves on him. He appreciates that he's not always the aggressive one and usually after the first deep kiss or two, I AM in the mood.
I think it's healthy for relationships of all kinds - even marriages - to ebb and flow.
You're both focusing on personal successes and knowing you're both so supportive of each other probably helps the feeling you're having. Because there is no drama, anger, fighting, etc. There's just respect and admiration on both parts and sometimes we need to let the other people explore and enjoy their success on their own, whether we know we're doing it or not.
You'll both be back. Promise.
Does he feel the same way? I am all for reconnecting with a little romance and some sex doesn't hurt either.
This may sound ridiculous, but go see a comedy show together. If that's not an option, watch a few hours of stand-up together. Alone. As in: no kids. Laughing together gives you a closeness that even sex can't provide.
try to schedule time together, even if it's just talking in the morning while one of you is in the shower and the other is brushing teeth. if you can, get a sitter and schedule a date night/afternoon/lunch/whatever. extra points if you can get the kids to sleep over at someone's house and you can stay in. :)
Get nekkid! Get a babysitter, get a hotel room! Get nekkid!
As often as you can!!
I agree with the on again off again theory. It happens. The important thing is to keep communicating. Tell Jason this is how you are feeling. Don't keep it to yourself because that can make the feeling of disconnection worse.
let the kids have a sleepover at their friends houses and let the parents know you will do the same for them. let them go home on a friday from school with them and dont get them until late saturday morning. they'll just start getting on each other's nerves and since they'll have stayed up all night, they'll be happy to just lay in bed and watch movies on saturday. make it a pajama day, and tell them you and daddy are watching a movie yourself, and that you'll meet them for a snack after the movie... you get a 2-fer.
you DO have a lock on your door dont you? ;-) i also agree that laughter really is the best medicine.
Do you have anyone to watch the kids for a night? Go on a date with each other. Dress up, go to dinner, a movie, mini golf, bowling, what ever it is you like to do. Or go spend a night in a hotel! We make an effort to do that once in a while and is very worth it!
I've been feeling this funk with my husband as well. I'm hoping it's just one of those things that eventually swings the other way....
I've heard good things about the book The Love Dare for rekindling romance...thinking of getting it myself!
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0805448853/ref=ord_cart_shr?%5Fencoding=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&v=glance
We find a tv show that we both like rent the whole season and set a time to sit and marathon watch with goodies and ordered in food.
Then we laugh at the funnies, mock the characters, and make fun of the serious moments.
By the time we're done we remember that's why we have a great time together.
PS We usually tell everyone we won't be around and turn off the phones, too.
I like to take trip (without kids) to reconnect. It usually works...for awhile.
I have a feeling this is going to be me and my husband over the next two months. His work is going to take him away from home and we won't be seeing much of him.
I say as soon as you have the chance, get out of the house together. Get away from it all. Even if you just get a room in a local hotel for a couple of days.
Hope it gets better soon. Many hugs. :)
Its like that in this house, and we don't even have kids at home.
Its like we run past each other shouting out instructions for all kinds of manadatory tasks and errands, and by the time we finally have time to sit down together, one (or both) of us falls asleep. I keep thinking things will eventually slow down, but I'm not sure when that will be....
Ya'll both need to take a much needed break and go to dinner, or out to a movie or something. Do something that gets your out of your daily rut you are in and enjoy each other! And I demand that you hold hands while doing it :)
Best of luck, the feeling of being disconnected sucks. I'm there more often than not...
If you find anything that works, please let me know. I'm right there with you. (Except we argue, too...)
Ahhh.... love!
If you find anything that works, please let me know. I'm right there with you. (Except we argue, too...)
Ahhh.... love!
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