Thursday, January 22, 2009

Finishing! Kind of!

I know I'm fascinating or some crap, but since I've been answering questions for about the last eleven years or so, I'm going to almost finish them up tonight with the exception of one question I want to expand on a bit.

Enjoy. Or try not to puke. Whateves.

Jen says and asks the following:

I would just like it noted that I was totally your first stalker.

So noted, my dear.

And now for my question...

Last year, you made it your goal to have something published within the year. Can you post a little about the process you went though to make it happen? Were'd you start, etc.

I think this question deserves at least it's own post...possibly an ENTIRE SERIES OF POSTS! Or maybe just one. But I think I'll answer this one tomorrow. Or soon. many blog hits do you get a day?

Oh hons, I don't care about that crap. It's in the hundreds most days...lately it's been in the thousands some days. I don't really keep track anymore.

I used to care. It used to be important to me. It's not now.

Anonymous asks:

How much do you weight and how much would you like to lose?

I don't "weight" anything. I do WEIGH a certain amount, but it's just a number and it's just a number I don't just fling about with wild abandon.

I'll just give you my standard answer:

I weigh twifty-five pounds.
I want to lose twifty.

There you go.

Kevin says:
Did you know I had a crush on you in high school. I did.

1) That's not so much a question as it is a statement.
2) Who are you?
3) Oh no you di-nt!
4) Thanks

Jamie asks:
Have you ever skipped to the end of a book and read the ending or last page before finishing the book?

I have. I regretted it. I don't do it now.

Sabrina asks:
What's the first thing you're going to buy with your first paycheck from the book?

I have no plans to really buy anything fun. My primary plan is to pay off that whore Sallie Mae and eventually move to be closer to my dad. I doubt I can do that with the first paycheck, but that would be pretty freaking sweet.

The Other Chick asks:
Why do you ignore the fact that your husband cheats on you?

Oh sweetface! How I've missed you and your lame insults! It's been a while! Kisses!

Oh, I mean:
1) Oh snap!
2) Lo! I am slain!
3) Whateves!
4) Oh no you di-n't!
6) And so on!

I can put you down for how many copies of my book?

Let me know! Thanks!

Lorissa asks:
Other than your own blog, what's your favorite blog on the internet?

Dude, there are SO MANY good blogs. Lately, I'm loving 1000 Tiny Things I Hate.

I am also a huge fan of Failblog.

Living asks:
why would any one post a comment taht asked you that question about why you would ignore your husband cheating on you... what an idiot...

My guess is she's a bit touched in the head.

anyways... don't know about questions but I just wanted to tell you that I love love love your blog and am sooooo excited about your new book and I can't wait to read it!!!!

Many thanks.

Heather asks:
What is the one thing that you look forward to doing every single day, it is not a day without this one thing?

Blogging. Sigh.

And what is your favorite magazine to read?

Lately I'm in love with Shape. I've been a Rolling Stone subscriber for years too.

Randomly, whatever happened to Sassy Magazine? I loved that when I was fourteenish and emotionally I'm still there so I still want to read that magazine.

Snarky Lady asks:

If you gave Boy Child and Girl Child pseudo names for use on your blog -- what would your choices be? (And I mean name names, cause obviously you already call them by pseudo-names.) (And yes, I just confused myself as well!)

Cletus and Lurlene.

True story...when I was pregnant I referred to them as Cletus and Lurlene. I was in the hospital for the HINTY BILLIONTH time and the nurse was like, "What are you going to name them?" and I said, "Cletus and Lurlene" and she was like, "Oh! My husband's name is Cletus!"


Does it make you uncomfortable that people all over the internet know your first and last name?

I didn't reveal my name until May 2008. I tell myself it's okay now, but honestly it freaks me out. Probably for different reasons than you would imagine.

The first time someone you didn't know left a comment on your blog, what was your reaction?

I was really excited and kind of surprised.

What would cause you to stop blogging?

I want to say "nothing", but I don't think that's true. I think if my blogging would cause harm to Jason or the children, then I would stop. I can't imagine how this would occur, but if it did? I would stop.

Kim's Corner asks:

For your book tour, does any of it have to be paid out of pocket (airfare, hotels, meals, etc.) or is everything covered by the publisher?

I don't have a book tour planned, so I don't know the answer to that. If a book tour happens, I'll let you know.

Mrs. Scuba asks:

Have you been watching the Rock of Love Bus Tour? If so what are your thoughts :)

Oh Jesus Christ.

Of course I have. Sigh.

I don't know yet. I've only seen it once and part of another episode. All I remember was their were so many implants and I could practically smell the venereal disease through the television.

Tulips4me asks:

What happened to the young woman that worked in your office and said you looked like a woman whose blog she reads?

I answered this one already, but basically she never mentioned it again and didn't work with me much longer.

Reluctant Housewife asks:

Why do you keep describing yourself as unattractive? You're not, you know (I've seen the picture you've posted here - you have great hair and a lovely smile). So why so down on yourself?

Honey, my therapist thinks I'm complicated. And he's trained to deal with people far more mentally disturbed than I am.

I don't know. The self-esteem, it is low.

I'm working on it.

Thank you.

Rachel asks:

So, great taste or less filling?? Inquiring minds...


Oh wait, what?

Just kidding...I'll guess, okay? Great taste.

velocibadgergirl asks:

Can we hang out in Ohio again someday? Or not in Ohio? Whatever. I just want to hang out, cuz that was the shiz.

You name the time and place and I am so, so there.

I seriously think that's all. For the love of God.


Vicki said...

Okay, Cletus and Lurlene made me laugh so hard my drink came out my nose! And, you know what else? Diet Coke coming out your nose? Burns profusely. But, I"m laughing, so I"m good :)

kayla! said...

sassy magazine (also known as the magazine my mom cancelled my subscription to in 6th grade because i got it without her permission and it wasn't appropriate for me): it later became the JANE magazine which was cancelled last year. it was GREAT - witty, smart and quirky - but, alas, it is now cancelled.

just FYI.

Denise said...

Ok then. As always you are hysterical.

Not tellin' you my name ... said...

I never thought I'd say this, but ...

Long time lurker, long time reader ...

There. I said it. Are you happy now?

Anyway, regarding the "names" question ... thought that maybe you'd get a chuckle out of this - my great-grandMOTHER's name was Clyde. (Because her dad thought she'd be a boy. And it didn't matter that she was born with girl parts. Her name was CLYDE.) To quote you? For the love of God ...

Kim's Korner said...

Re Book Tour - Oh. I thought I had read in one of your previous posts that you were going to be in a few select cities promoting the release of the book. Sorry. Guess I mis-read.

judy in ky said...

You didn't answer my question. Nobody likes me. Boo Hoo!

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. I will be laughing all day and smirking for a few more over "smelling the VD through the TV". That. Was. Awesome!

Tricia said...

I would have loved to see the look on your face when that nurse said her dad was named Cletus! Ha!

Jake said...

I LOVE FailBlog. I just found out about it last Thursday and I spent all last weekend reading ALL the posts from the blog...all 130-something of was exhausting....but hilarious!

SJINCO said...

Cletus and Lurlene! Love.