People are work are starting to notice I'm losing weight.
Okay the real truth is? One day all my pants were dirty and I didn't feel like doing any laundry so I dug around in my closet and found an old pair of pants, which were smaller, and I wore those to work. So it became obvious I am losing weight because they are tighter than the clown pants I usually sport.
So they are noticing.
Anyway, as we often do, we were discussing weight and losing weight and one of the ladies I work with asked me how I'm losing weight. She's tried everything and nothing works and what's my secret?
So I told her, "Here's what you do. Sign yourself up for something hard and ridiculous and impossible. Like a 39 mile, two-day walk for breast cancer. Establish a deep sense of shame. Then your ass will be in the gym every day."
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
Seriously. I don't want to humiliate myself.
I suppose that motivation is as good as any, right? Because this weight loss crap? Thinking about this weight loss crap? Becoming a better person and a healthier person and so on, blahdy-blah infinity? Not. So. Much.
I got this really sweet email from a lady who had read the first four chapters of my book online and then said "Thanks for giving overweight people a voice in the world of love". And I was like, "Aww. That's so nice. I totally didn't mean to".
Because, really? I totally didn't mean to. It's a happy accident, I suppose, but that really wasn't my intent. I didn't intend to give single mom's a voice, or people who met online a voice. I just had these funny stories and I wanted to tell them. That was it.
I don't think ahead, apparently.
I guess I hadn't thought much about any of this before, but honestly? I know I'm overweight and I know I need to lose weight, but I swear to God it hadn't occurred to me since probably high school that it would impede me from finding love. (And as I get older and my children barrel towards high-school? I am more and more convinced that no one needs to bother trying to find love in high-school. But maybe that's just my own hang-up).
Maybe I'm deluded. I don't know. It never seemed to be a problem. I never felt that men who I cared to go out with treated me any differently. And this is coming from a woman who had a man moo at her like a cow, so that's saying a lot.
I guess anyone who I would want to be around and want to have a relationship with...any kind of relationship, not just romantic, would be cool with me and who I am. My big hair and my habit of waving my arms around when I talk. My sarcasm and my inability to say no. Me. No matter what the stupid bastard scale says.
Anyway. Heavy stuff.
Literally and figuratively, I suppose.
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12 comments:
I agree! I'm a guy and I always find that the inside of any person is what makes them attractive. You take the whole person - mind, body, and soul. That is true for friendship, love, business, ...
And the remarks by the lady about love - to me that just says you are a good writer. The reader was able to embed themselves in what they were reading. It is not easy to write that convincingly.
As an overweight person I am extremely jealous of your sense of self. My weight consumes me, I feel like it runs my life, like everything around me is affected by it. For you to feel like your relationships with men have nothing to do with weight? I would kill for that.
I have to agree with Allie. I only wish I felt that way. I hate that I am heavy and what I hate even more is that my hatred of being heavy does not motivate me to lose weight. It HINDERS my weight loss. So good for you! You have acheived what I always wanted to acheive and you didnt even have to think about it!
I didn't mean that comment in the email to sound bad, but after reading it on your blog, I think it sounded kinda bad. I just meant that there are alot of great love stories out there with the stereotypical Hollywood looks. Its great to actually connect with a book that resembles you both inside and out. I wish I had your confidence and self esteem. You are enterting the role model world.
I agree with the ladies up there. I feel like looks and weight are a huge amount of getting a relationship going, but not necessarily keeping one going. I don't know if it's true, but it feels true.
I've often wondered about people who "give voice" and whether they actually intended to or not. Heavy indeed!
Weight shmeight, you're hot. Come show me your cute undies! LOL!
My personal motivation? I pay for the gym membership yearly, not monthly. So everyday I don't go, I imagine that amount of money going down the toilet. I can't live with that, so I go.
You'd be very proud of a certain pink haired neice of yours who has lost 5 pounds and 8 inches (mostly in the boob area) since starting Curves. I know I am.
You hit on so many things that I could comment about. But the one that jumped out at me is the fact that someone mooed at you. It happened to me too. . in high school. Hurt. Hurt a lot. And, I weigh a lot more now than I did back then. Which is just reason #13 (out of 7,596) that I wouldn't go back to high school.
I never thought about the voice aspect either, but you are a dang good writer!! :)
I still think that you are the coolest!
Blessings.
I think you connect with more people than you realize, for a variety of reasons. You are an awesome role model, I mean just look at your kids!
I just want to be healthy. And healthy doesn't equal 115 pounds for everyone. The scale can kiss my ass too. I don't really want to lose weight so much as I want to tone things, to have things not so jiggly and to, hopefully, be a bit stronger.
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