Wednesday, February 18, 2009

What might have been.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had just said no.

If I hadn't waited and had faith. If I hadn't believed that you were the one...even when all signs pointed to you not only NOT being the one but to you not even knowing what the words "the" and "one" mean separately, much less together.

But I held on. To you and to us.

What would have happened if I didn't?

Would I be here now? I don't know. I might still be in North Carolina, and you might still be there too. I might have married someone else...someone who doesn't pronounce car like "cahhh". I might see you, sometimes, at Kroger. Getting your gallons and gallons of water. And your cigarettes, because God knows you have to cancel out all the health benefits of the water.

I might see you with someone else.

I might wonder if you are happy. If she is right for you, the way I was right for you. I might look up your picture on Facebook. Look at all your friends. Wonder...and hope.

I might hope you are happy.

I might be happy, with someone else. I might worry less about their health and their job security. I might have moved to Tennessee anyway and I probably would have written a book, but you would have a much, much larger part in it.

Because you have a much, much larger part of me.

I might have been okay. I might have lived my whole life without dancing to the Bee Gees while dinner is in the oven. I might have survived perfectly fine without daily Jeopardy competitions during which I have to be reminded to not answer before Alex finishes asking the question. I probably would be able to go the rest of my life and never know how it feels to feel your arms around me when you think I'm asleep and you are trying desperately not to wake me up. I imagine it wouldn't really kill me to know how it feels to laugh so hard that you physically hurt and to love someone so much that when they are in pain you want to go stab the person who hurt them while holding their hand and making it all better.

I imagine I would have been perfectly fine, no matter what.

But thank God I don't have to wonder.


Zephyr said...

This has nothing to do with your post, which was very touching.

This has to do with your book on amazon. And with the list of items "Customers who bought this item also bought".... specifically THIS ITEM.

I mean... your book and a commercial saucepan? Huh?

Sign me,

Angie said...

Wow. This is absolutely beautiful.

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Lynnbug said...

Love that! Great post.

Unknown said...

Oh, you made me cry. Great post, Chick!

Stephanie said...

Very eloquent!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Beautiful post, hon. Just beautiful.

And your book? Finished it over the weekend and laughed my ass off. Wonderful!

Mikey said...

Got your book today *sly grin*
I'm working my way thru it, loving it!! Girl you are SO DAMN FUNNY!!!

Jocelyn said...

I love that the greatest tribute is how small a role he plays in your book.

Alpha Dude said...

That, my friend, was very well said.


SJINCO said...

Wow girl, that was touching. And awesome. And beautiful.