Yesterday during therapy Big Jim said something about how I've changed. I can't remember the exact context, but something about how since the book came out that I've really come to a different place in the world.
It's true, really. I knew things before, but I get them now. Especially regarding certain things/people that just aren't going to change no matter what I do.
It's interesting. It sucks butt. But it's interesting.
The part about it that sucks is that even though I get it? It doesn't make it any easier. I still get hurt when people are dickwads to me. I still can't understand people's motives for things (for example, telling me in great, elaborate detail about the physical act of obtaining my book, but then, for whatever reason, not telling me how you feel about it or even if you read it). I can't feel better about people talking crap about me behind my back and then trying to pretend like they weren't the ones that did it (and Jesus, what are we? In fourth grade? Just freaking talk to me).
I don't know. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe it's the Totino's pizza that I choked down last night (and oh JESUS, NEVER AGAIN) because Jason and I regress into fifteen year old boys who can't take care of themselves whenever the children are away. (Pizza that costs less than $1.50? Makes you hurl at about 2am. Trust me on this one)Maybe I am actually right and some people will just never change. Myself included, because I'm holding onto this pretty stubbornly I've noticed.
At any rate. Not loving it. Can't even stand myself.