Monday, March 02, 2009

It's March now and you know what that means!

Well, maybe you don't. Or maybe to you it means something fun and happy. Like Spring time or Easter chicks or some crap.

In my house? It means Jason needs new pants.


So yesterday we trekked to one of my least favorite places on the planet. The Mall. Thankfully, Jason did not suggest we go to the nearby outlet stores. Because, really. We nearly get a divorce every time we go to an outlet store. For several reasons the majority of them being:
1) Jason
2) The way Jason drives
3) Jason's intolerance for traffic
4) Jason

Now keep in mind that I love my husband to the depths of my soul. He is a good, good man and I love him. He has numerous redeeming qualities including, but not limited to, the fact that his teeth are always brushed, he smells nice, and he does laundry. He makes me laugh every day and most of the time on purpose.

But I would rather stab myself in the neck than clothes shop with him.

If you are not familiar with me and my life and my spouse? You are probably wondering at this time what the big deal is. Because the vast majority of men I have ever met in my entire life purchase clothing as follows:
-Go to store
-Locate pants which will fit
-Purchase pants
-Go home
-Get on with life

It is not so with my husband.

Yesterday my husband tried on 32 pairs of pants.
I'm not kidding.

Of those 32 pairs of pants he tried on? He deemed one worthy of purchase.

Reasons that the other 31 pairs were not acceptable might or might not have fallen into one of the following categories:
1) They didn't hang right
2) The crease was in a weird place
3) The cuffs didn't fold at the bottom symmetrically
4) The color was a bit "off"
5) Something just wasn't right about them
6) The universe didn't turn at exactly the correct moment
7) Jason
8) The pleat didn't exactly match on both sides
9) Your mom
10) Something just didn't feel right about them emotionally

When he finally found the one pair (and let me just tell you, I told him REPEATEDLY how amazingly awesome he looked in them, just to seal the deal) that he was willing to purchase and we made our way up to the counter to buy them he had trouble using the credit card machine. We use our debit cards for everything and they have a Visa logo so we are usually presented with the option of putting in our pin number or signing our name. We always sign, if given the option, because we (ahem) are paranoid and don't want to use our pin number in public.

The machine was a bit wonky and I was standing with him saying, "Okay, now hit cancel. No, just hit cancel. Okay, that should work."

The shopkeeper smirked and said, "Women! They love to shop don't they? They know all about the credit cards!"

I looked at him and rolled my eyes so deeply back in my head I almost hurt.

If only he knew.

And don't even get me started about the new bathrug we bought. Please.


Jill said...

my husband would rather shop online while stabbing himself in the eyeball versus go to a store. he humors me about once a year so i can get new clothes, because i do have to try them on. damn clothing makers who make different sizes fit differently. anyway, he would go to a store pick up a pair and say, yup the right size, buy and leave. end of story.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

O.M.F.G. Woman, you make me laugh so hard that my insides hurt. :)

Denise said...


Heather said...

Why is March the time to buy new pants? Inquiring minds....

Angie said...

So the next time we see you guys, I should say something like "Nice pants, Jason. . . ?"


Anonymous said...

Why do you have to go with him? Since this is so difficult, why not buy 2 pairs of the pants that fit?

Jocelyn said...

I hope a crucial part of the process was you hawing on about how great he looked...or else I'm going to have to try to make a case that you don't need to be there.

Could he become a kilt wearer and get rid of the whole agony of pants?

SJINCO said...

My husband has no desire what-so-ever to shop for himself or anyone else. He hates it with a passion so to hear Jason being all picky and stuff about his pants? Cracked my shit up.

And yeah, why new pants in March?

We don't use our pin number either, but instead hit 'credit'. Those damn machines can be a bit confusing......

ZDub said...

My husband is the same way about shopping. It drives me nuts. The last time we went to the outlet mall, everyone got new stuff but me. Me? Well, nothing fit AND I broke my sunglasses.

Tamar said...

I love this post. That's all.