One of the (few) things I pride myself on is my work ethic.
I've had a job since I was sixteen, except for a brief period of time when I was pregnant with twins and on bedrest and about dead and stuff. I work hard at what I do and I attempt to maintain a good attitude even in time of, um, adversity.
Lately? My life has been an exercise in adversity.
I won't get into all of it. Let me just say that some parts of my life have both sucked and blown goats for the past month. My eyes are open, I've seen the light, insert your own generic cliche. I've, God help me, grown up. A ton. I didn't really want to grow up, frankly. I just wanted to trip through the rest of my life blindly. You know, like I've been doing for the past thirty-three years.
It wasn't meant to be.
In all my growing up and getting called everything from a creative genius to a pitiful excuse for a human being, I've had to re-think a lot of things. Friendships. Time management. The Grand Plan for the Rest of My Life.
Not surprisingly, I've spent a lot of time in prayer lately. A lot.
And it's good, you know? I've always thought that God loves me best, just based on the kids I have, and I've always prayed like I was having a conversation with Him. I usually pray first thing in the morning, before I leave my house for work. And my prayers seriously go something like this:
Please Lord. Keep my children safe today. Keep my husband safe today. Please let no one run my butt over on the way to work. Keep our families safe today. Let me get through the day and not want to maim anyone. Let it be a good day, Lord.
There are other things too. But that's the basic premise.
I'm getting stagnant in a lot of areas of my life, and I know it. I can feel it. It builds up from time to time and I get this feeling...almost a painful feeling of needing to do something more. Something different. Something better. To BE better.
I've been feeling this for a while. It, not surprisingly, is kind of making the Grand Plan for the Rest of My Life, a bit muddy. As in, what am I going to do With The Rest of My Life? And how can I figure out what, exactly, My Life needs to consist of. Where am I supposed to be living? Why does The Plan keep changing? That even though being a writer is where my heart is, I still have to do things like eat and have lights on, so I can't just write. I still have to do other things. I can work toward being a writer full-time, but I can't just BE a writer full-time.
Complicated stuff. Not fun to think about at 3am.
I had a meeting, not long ago, with the President of my company. When I came in he told me he had read my book and I said, jokingly, "Am I fired?" Because good Lord. Have you read it? I'm just not right. People who act appropriately aren't quite sure what to do with me.
But no. I'm not fired.
In fact, he wants me to be able to utilize my skills and talents in different ways.
As in, he wants me to be the company blogger.
It's not my full-time job. Not yet.
Sometimes? I just need to follow the plan. Stop all the worrying. Just listen.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
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It's hard, the not knowing what life has in store for you, if it's worth it to get up and go to work today, etc.
But Chick, you are special, and the good things just keep happening for you amongst the crap. Keep it up!
you are one lucky lady. that's all i can say
WoW! The company blogger!!
Perhaps you need to come up with a very sophisticated title to go with that.
Senior Blog Technician
Executive Blogging Engineer
What a big thing for you! A creative outlet on the job? PERFECT!
Congrats on the new "hat!" Have fun with it.
That conversation you are having with yourself at 3 a.m. about life? I have that conversation with myself almost everyday. Maybe it's okay to question our "now" so that we always have something to look forward to or strive for in the future.
By the way, that's awesome that your boss wants to utilize your talents. It has to make you feel good!
Wow! Sounds fun and such a GREAT compliment!
Praise the Lord, Chick! He will make it come out right if you keep praying before work!
I pray for the strength not to maim anyone either. So far so good.
Company blogger. The government needs a company blogger? Huh? Well, I may not be comprehending that but writing for a living? Is perfect for you. This is exciting!
And that is just amazing. It's nice when we can find that someone has a plan for us, isn't it? Cause I'm pretty awful at forging my own plans. Now I'm just hoping that my plans appear as clearly as yours did... but maybe I need to pray more.
You earned it. Sometimes we're blessed in ways we don't deserve, but you deserve this kind of hope right now. So happy for you.
You go, girl!
I love you on so many bagels. But you knew that.
Also? I pray like that too. Like I said. Jesus is my homeboy. xoxo
blog at work? BLOG AT WORK?? FOR A JOB??
I have died and gone to the motherland. Where do I sign up???????
Oh, congratulations! You've worked hard. Even if it's not *quite* what you wanted, it's getting there!
This is great, good for you!
Very, very cool stuff indeed!
There, you see?
God does love you best!
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