Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Stuff I love: July 1st, 2009 edition.

1)The fact that my brother has a girlfriend named Stephanie.

Okay, not only is she named Stephanie? She has the SAME LAST NAME I USED TO HAVE. You know, when I was married to the prickhole. (She's never been married to the prickhole though, so good on her!) And? The fact that my brother is dating someone who has the exact same name I used to have? Led to some big hilarity yesterday when my former boss became convinced that someone was trying to steal my identity.

I told my brother, "No matter what you do, someone's always trying to call the law!"

It was a bonding moment. What can I say?

2) These three fartknockers:

I love this picture. It's quite old, as evidenced by the smallness of the two children and the lack of teeth in the Boy One. But I love it.

3) Pretty much everything about this:

4) The following conversation. which I had with Jason last night.

Me: I hate this guy.

Jay: Stephanie. It's not okay to hate people.

Me: Yes, I think it might be okay to hate him. Jesus would give me a pass for hating that douchenozzle.

Jay: Stephanie. Jesus doesn't want you to hate anyone.

Me: Jason. For the love of Christ. He was PLANNING HIS WEDDING to that skank-whore while his wife was DYING OF CANCER.

Jay: But-

Me: OF CANCER. Jason!

Jay: Stephanie. I'm not saying he's not a sack of puke.

5) Everything about this interview.

Psst...tomorrow will be the second part which will include a couple of exerpts from my new book. Which may or may not suck...I can't confirm either way right now.

6) The fact that my husband randomly mows the yards of the single mothers in our neighborhood. Not only because he was raised by a single mother and then married a single mother and he knows how hard they have it, but because he's a REALLY, REALLY good person. Much better than my stupid butt deserves.

7) Our anniversary is only eleven days away! We've been married almost six years y'all, and I don't hate him! Not yet!

8) I got Jason to say, "Sack of Puke". Next? I'm working on "bag of dicks". Which, for some reason, he never wants to say. Also? He makes an ugly face at me when I say it.

9)You Suck At Craigslist. Maybe not safe for work.

10) A rejection letter that I have, that I read over and over again which reads, in part,

"No one cares about you or your life".

OH. SNAP. I say. Says I.


Jo said...

"No one cares about you or your life."


I want a name and an address. I plan to leave a flaming sack of shit on their doorstep.


Boriqua said...

Great list. And # 10 absolutely deserves that "OH. SNAP." :) Way to show them!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...



Allie said...

LOL, I haven't heard the word fartknockers in forever. My uncle used to call us that, hee hee.

Halala Mama said...

LOVE the post and the link to Craigslist - I read it til I got to the missing teeth. That was too hillbilly even for me.:)

Jenski said...

Nice list!

Is this the beginning of wedding anniversary extravaganza? Are you starting the celebrating now? :-)

Anonymous said...

Great list! As for #10 do you have an email addy for said idiot??? Amazing what you can sign people up for LOL.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

What a great list of things to be happy about! The sack of puke comment not being the least of them, for certain.