1) Water. I’ve been drinking 150 ounces a day, at least. I told myself that I have to drink at least 100 ounces before I can have my Diet Pepsi. Considering how much I love Diet Pepsi, this is a pretty impressive feat. The crazy part? I hardly want the Diet Pepsi anymore.
2) My Crocs. How did I ever survive without this particular footwear? They make flip-flops look like low-rent hookers! And, they keep my toes covered, so I don’t get in trouble when I wear them to work. And staying out of trouble is always good. Yes, they are Mary Janes! Thanks for asking!
3) The fact that my children go to the Billy Joe Edwards School of Karate. Okay, that isn’t the actually name of it, but the name of it is very, very, very, VERY similar to that. Isn’t that awesome? It’s in a strip mall and everything. God, I love being from the South.
4) Also? I love the fact that my preacher calls me “sister” or “princess”. I am a thirty-one year old woman and he calls me that. It makes me laugh hysterically. That man reminds me so much of my grandfather. It’s really weird. But I love him and I love that he’s not afraid to say crazy stuff. Like on Easter, when he said, “Okay, we’ll see some of you at Christmas then!” and I just laughed and laughed. Good times.
5) Thinking about getting a pedicure with my daughter and my sweetie-friend Dawn. My extraordinarily long toes and I need some pampering.
1) That my kids are getting so big, so fast. Yesterday, they were two. Today they are nine. Tomorrow they'll be getting married and having careers on Wall Street or something. What the crap.
2) Stupid people who come off an exit ramp, cut through two lanes of traffic, and come to a complete, dead stop in front of me so they can make a turn. Seriously. I had to stand on my brakes to avoid hitting an idiot such as this this morning. If you can’t make the turn without harming yourself and others you can really, literally go less than 10 feet down the road and turn right back onto the road you need to be on. Seriously, less than 10 feet. It’s not difficult, honestly. I don’t understand why people are willing to do physical harm to others because they HAVE TO TAKE THAT TURN RIGHT THAT SECOND or they HAVE TO GET OFF THAT EXIT. I mean, are you really afraid you will run out of exits? There is another one. Like, a mile away. You can take THAT one, go back ONE mile, and then take the one you need. It’s not rocket science.
3) My bra is just freaking killing me today. It’s making a really weird squeaky noise. Yeah. I don’t know either. I checked my boobs for evidence of a mouse and I got nothing.
4) I have a meeting at 3pm that’s kind of important and it’s going to be a big shouting match and people are going to behave poorly and I’m going to sit there and think, “To bad none of these people turned out right,” and be in a cranky, cranky mood for the rest of the day. Because I could be wrong, but it just doesn’t seem like we need to yell and scream at one another to get our points across.
5) Summer camp. My kids love summer camp, and they go to a great camp where they have lots of friends, but it makes me wish I could take the whole summer off and just hang out with them by the pool, subjecting my extraordinarily pale skin to damaging UV rays. Because tan fat looks better than white fat.
I'm kidding. I don't even try to tan my translucent self.