First off, let me thank everyone who submitted a work story for the contest. Some of them literally made me laugh out loud. In my office. While I should have been working. Seriously.
Some folks didn't really understand the contest and that's okay. Except for the one charming individual emailed me to say, "Why are you having this contest? It's stupid. It's just a lame attempt to get people to comment on your blog because no one reads your blog anymore."
Frankly, I'm so boring and stupid these days I'm totally amazed anyone reads this nonsense, ever.
But anyway, the real reason I decided to have this contest is because I've been very reflective on my work situation lately (and ranty, apparently) and I thought this would be fun. Life hasn't been all that fun lately, really.
Anyway! On with the show.
The following are three stories related to work. They could have been written by anyone. One of them is not true. The other two are. The first person who leaves a comment correctly identifying the two correct stories will win an awesome* prize! After this is announced, I will also announce the winner of the first part of the contest, which was the person who sent me a story that I deemed the most funny. Of course, as a mother I am not funny, so again, this is highly subjective.
Here are the stories:
a)The owner of my company is a 55 year old Asian woman who has severe dementia but still manages to do the payroll every week.
One day, I was on the phone with a co-worker when all of a sudden, my co-worker said "Oh shit. Oh. SHIT. (laughing hysterically) Oh.My.God. I gotta call you back."
55 year old Asian owner woman walked past co-worker's window and to the end of the driveway to get the mail in the following attire:
A shirt with a belt around her waist.
And a hat on.
Carrying an umbrella.
With nothing on the bottom half of her body but pantyhose.
Her son was called and she was immediately taken home to retrieve her pants.
b) I was at my desk one day with a customer in my office. He and I were having a completely normal conversation, or so I thought, when suddenly he leaned across my desk and in an exaggerated manner smelled of me. Really exaggerated like someone snorting cocaine in a movie.
I must have looked kind of surprised but this did not phase him at all.
He smiled at me and said, "You smell good. Like my mom."
Then he sat back down and continued on with the conversation, as if this were perfectly normal.
Later I found out he had spent years and years in a mental facility. I was not surprised.
c) In high school I worked for a nationally known pizza chain. I was about 17-18 years old and my boss was about about 21-22 and acted like he was about 14. He thought he was hot shit because he made $17000 the prior year and had moved into an apartment with ten other guys.
Even though I was a female I ended up having to do a lot of the deliveries because all of the guys who worked with me were either drunk or high about eighty percent of the time and spent most of their time talking about video games and malt liquor. When I came back from the deliveries I had to put the money in the cash register and then take my tip out from that.
One day the boss thought it would be funny to say to me when I was putting money in the register, "Where my money bitch?" Like he was a gangsta.
I was young and stupid and ignored him. And then he started saying it all. the. time. In front of the guys I worked with and everything. They all thought it was hilarious.
One day I came in from a bunch of deliveries and noticed my dad was in line waiting on his pizza. He smiled at me and I smiled back and before I could say a word, my manager noticed me coming in and said loudly, "Where my money BITCH!"
My dad didn't think that was funny.
That guy got fired less than a week later!
Okay, that's it! Leave a comment saying which two you think are true (a, b, or c) and the first correct answer wins! Good luck!