This is the time of year that sucks the most for me.
Why? Because I’m a huge tool.
Okay, not really. Well, okay maybe I’m a huge tool, but the reason this time of year sucks for me?
It’s when everything falls apart.
On August 24th, 1996 I got married.
Almost eleven years ago.
On September 10th, 1997, I found out I was having twins.
Almost ten years ago.
On Thanksgiving Day in 1997, my husband told me he was leaving me.
Not a good day, despite the pecan pie.
Logically, it is stupid for me to be still thinking about this. For this to have any effect or power over me at all. For it to be anymore than a bad dream I once had.
But it still is.
It just is.
Realistically, I know that my real husband, Jason, has no plans on leaving me. He and I are talking about our next house and what we’ll do when we retire someday. Also? He’s not a huge asshat like my ex-husband and he actually, you know, loves me. When he said “I do” he meant it. He didn’t mean, “Until some crackwhore with an inner thigh tattoo comes along”. He meant, “You are stuck with me UNTIL YOU DIE.”
I keep waiting to fail, at this.
I keep waiting for it to all go away.