Jason is trying to hire a customer service representative.
One would think this would be an easy task as the job requirements are:
1) Basic math skills
(And not scary math. We're talking 5-2 here.)
2) The ability to show up.
3) To not be under the influence of any illegal substances while working.
Despite these requirements, he's having an extraordinarily difficult time finding someone.
Today he brought home a box of approximately 200 resumes so we could look over them and see if there were any potential candidates.
And instead? I found my blog entry for today.
Resume of a young man which says he earned a: DIAPOLMA in 1994. Excellent.
Also? He was the ASSITISTANT MANAGAR at a fast-food restaurant until Janauary of 2007. His responsibilities are listed as follows:
My duties at the McDonals was opening of the store each moring, also making depostits and staff.
No, I'm not kidding. It really says that.
Previously he worked at a fast-food restaurant as the ASSITISTENT MANAGAR and his responsibilities were: Dearling with customers on a daily basis making sure there food was right.
A young person (honestly? No idea if it's a male or female. The name is way out there) who seeks: Apositioning in Customer Sevice.
Good luck with that.
The person wants us to know that he/she has: 4 years in cuctomer service retail
Good cummincation skills
Really? I wish I was kidding.
In this person's limited employment experience they have managed to diplay wedding orders for a shoe store and count invntory and credit card varification for a department store. I am also pleased to know that due to this individual having a job as a Dressing room attentdant they became very turst worthy.
Frankly, that sounds like a personal problem to me, but what do I know?
By far this was my favorite of all the cover letters. What's not to love?
Dear Hiring Manager:
I discovered your advertisement in the Our Local Newspaper for a Full-time "Customer Service Representative" (um, why the quotes? It's not like it's an imaginary position) and would like to be considered for a candidate. I do have multi-offices (are you Donald Trump or something? You have multi-offices?) and business skills along with experiences that I feel would benefit your organization.
My working experience consists of my operating financial support in many accounting fields. Whether posting payments to billing for services rendered to a customer. (No, seriously. That was the whole sentence.) I have experience working delinquent accounts and solving problem circumstance surrounding a case. (What?) I am very familiar with the aspects and phases of treating and caring for a customer in hopes of satisfaction if possible yet quote a stern ruling if one existence with empathy.
Honest to Fred, I have absolutely no idea what that means.
Anyway, it goes on to say:
It would be beneficial to me to be interviewed with your firm to discuss my past working experiences and offer references if needed to confirm my expertise.
Seriously? I might bring her in just to see who would write things like this.
Is it just me or does that not make sense at all?
The moral of this story:
1)Please. For the love of Moses. Spell-check!
2) Also? Should you be criminally insane, please have someone who is not criminally insane read your resume before you send it.
3) If you are looking for a job, please let me know. Unless you are crazy, can't subtract 5-2, or are currently drunk or high or plan to be drunk or high.
If you are, we're just going to laugh at you.