Saturday, September 15, 2007

It's called Spell-check people. Please use it.

Jason is trying to hire a customer service representative.

One would think this would be an easy task as the job requirements are:

1) Basic math skills

(And not scary math. We're talking 5-2 here.)

2) The ability to show up.

3) To not be under the influence of any illegal substances while working.

Despite these requirements, he's having an extraordinarily difficult time finding someone.

Today he brought home a box of approximately 200 resumes so we could look over them and see if there were any potential candidates.

And instead? I found my blog entry for today.

Exhibit One:

Resume of a young man which says he earned a: DIAPOLMA in 1994. Excellent.
Also? He was the ASSITISTANT MANAGAR at a fast-food restaurant until Janauary of 2007. His responsibilities are listed as follows:

My duties at the McDonals was opening of the store each moring, also making depostits and staff.

No, I'm not kidding. It really says that.

Previously he worked at a fast-food restaurant as the ASSITISTENT MANAGAR and his responsibilities were: Dearling with customers on a daily basis making sure there food was right.

Okay then.

Exhibit Two:
A young person (honestly? No idea if it's a male or female. The name is way out there) who seeks: Apositioning in Customer Sevice.

Good luck with that.

The person wants us to know that he/she has: 4 years in cuctomer service retail


Good cummincation skills

Really? I wish I was kidding.

In this person's limited employment experience they have managed to diplay wedding orders for a shoe store and count invntory and credit card varification for a department store. I am also pleased to know that due to this individual having a job as a Dressing room attentdant they became very turst worthy.

Frankly, that sounds like a personal problem to me, but what do I know?

Exhibit Three:
By far this was my favorite of all the cover letters. What's not to love?

Dear Hiring Manager:

I discovered your advertisement in the Our Local Newspaper for a Full-time "Customer Service Representative" (um, why the quotes? It's not like it's an imaginary position) and would like to be considered for a candidate. I do have multi-offices (are you Donald Trump or something? You have multi-offices?) and business skills along with experiences that I feel would benefit your organization.

My working experience consists of my operating financial support in many accounting fields. Whether posting payments to billing for services rendered to a customer. (No, seriously. That was the whole sentence.) I have experience working delinquent accounts and solving problem circumstance surrounding a case. (What?) I am very familiar with the aspects and phases of treating and caring for a customer in hopes of satisfaction if possible yet quote a stern ruling if one existence with empathy.

Honest to Fred, I have absolutely no idea what that means.

Anyway, it goes on to say:

It would be beneficial to me to be interviewed with your firm to discuss my past working experiences and offer references if needed to confirm my expertise.

Seriously? I might bring her in just to see who would write things like this.

Is it just me or does that not make sense at all?

The moral of this story:

1)Please. For the love of Moses. Spell-check!

2) Also? Should you be criminally insane, please have someone who is not criminally insane read your resume before you send it.

3) If you are looking for a job, please let me know. Unless you are crazy, can't subtract 5-2, or are currently drunk or high or plan to be drunk or high.

If you are, we're just going to laugh at you.


JustRandi said...

I wonder if dearling with customers on a daily basis is more difficult than dearling with bloggers on a daily basis?

nailgirl said...

Those were good lol.

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

I'm serious. SERIOUSLY?


Kimberly said...

I despair for the human race. Really. I'm not kidding.

Anonymous said...


I? Am looking for a job. I'm guessing the commute would be a bitch, though. Any chance I can telecommute? :)

I'm not high, not drunk and 5-2 is 3. Am I hired?


Anna said...

*sigh* I guess this means I won't be getting a callback, does it.

Angie said...

again. morons.

frannie said...

you got some real jenusis on your hands there

Anonymous said...

I just recently had the pleasure of scouring through some resumes for my Husband who is looking for help...Christ.


Twisted Cinderella said...

Too funny! I once had someone who was applying for a position ask me if I could tell them what a resume was?? I was dumbfounded. You are asking me for a job and you want me to show you how to apply? I explained as best I can and he came back in with a handwritten, messy one page resume.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

This would be why Hubby thinks we need to mandate a stupidity test for voting. If you can't pass a basic "Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader" test, you shouldn't be elgible to vote-period. (His words...not mine..but it does sometimes make one think...) "Classic" Don't you love my random use of quotes?

Joy T. said...

I can't think of anything else to say!

Kelly M said...

The sad thing is this doesn't surprise me at all!! I wish I could say it does but I can't. So sad and to think most of these people will get employeed somewhere...god help us all!!!

Sarcasta-Mom said...

LOL. I've been in a position to reqad through resumes on several occasions, and it's always a good time. You'd think they'd teach basic resume skills in high school.

My husband is actually looking for a job (depressing post coming soon, lol) He knows 5-2 is 3, but like kellie said, the commute would be a bitch. lol

Shanilie said...

lol, Who would have thought that would be so much to ask!

Hope you are having a good Sept. I finally have high speed so I am jumping for joy now because some days my computer was soooo slow I couldn't even upload your blog page!

Catwoman said...

Well thanks a lot. I can't believe you're mocking my letter wording skulls. I really thinked that Jason would be impressed with my quoting a stern ruling stuff.

The thesaurus said it would sound very better.

But whatever. I'll just go back to my Congress job I guess.

honib1 said...

every now and then I pop over and read your blog... this was hysterical...

Rachel said...

That is sad. so sad. Also, I was interested in the position.

Then you said you can't be crazy.


Pgoodness said...

It is SO nice to hear that those potential employees are not all coming to my office! I thought we had the corner on the market for people who can't spell or make resumes!

Amira said...

LMAO duuring teh holed blog poste. Fery vunny.

Shari said...

Yeah, I do this for a living myself. These are more favorable than a lot of resumes I've seen. Consider yourselves lucky.

Wanna_B_slim said...

Ohhh too funny... but the sad thing is I know people like that....