Tuesday, December 18, 2007

More crap.

I had fun answering those questions yesterday. So much, in fact, that I thought I'd do it again today. Instead of, you know, complaining about working or thinking up something original to post. Because I'm awesome.


Several nice people have asked some variation of:

So is Jason really perfect? He seems like he is.

Oh Good God NO. No. No times hinty billion and did I mention NO?

Have you SEEN the Twelve Days of Marriage? He totally dumped me for someone else when we were dating. I didn’t get over THAT for years. YEARS.

Also? His short-term memory is extremely limited. He has excellent long-term memory, but his short-term memory is pretty much crap. For example? This morning I said to him, “It’s December 18th!” and he said, “Yes, it is” and I was like, “So maybe you want to start your Christmas shopping!” and he said, and no, I’m not kidding, “When is Christmas again?”

Oh and this one time? He called me on the phone and I swear to Bob he said, “What’s my sister’s last name?”

Oh and last night, he said, “I spent three dollars of your birthday money” and I was like, “What the crap are you talking about?” and I finally ascertained that he had spent $3 of the money that had withdrawn from the bank account to buy me CHRISTMAS presents on something else.

Overall the man is completely fabulous and I love him. He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

98.5% of the time, I completely adore him
1.5% of the time, I want to stab him while he sleeps.

So? It works out pretty good.

Also? This, in reference to pooping and poop, in general:

Chick, how do you KNOW they look at it? Eeew.

Oh. I have a nine-year old son. A son who likes to regale me with stories regarding his poop and all poop related things.

Topics have included,

“Hey mom! Come look at this!”
“Hey mom! I stopped the toilet up!”
“Hey mom! I stopped the toilet up! Again!”
“Hey mom did we have corn last night?”

Gah. Just…gah.

And, one more. Just for fun.

Your hair is really long! How long did it take you to grow your hair that long?

I have not had a hair cut since 1998. Not a real one. A trim here and there and a snip sometimes when I get a really big knot in the back of my head and I just cannot get it out not even for the love of Pete Rose or white ice cream.

A couple of days after I had Boy Child and Girl Child, I cut my hair. Myself. I did a halfway decent job. After that, I decided I wasn’t doing it anymore. I was just growing it. I always wanted long hair and I had it when I was very little and then my mom cut it all off because, judging by my photos at the time, she hated me and wanted me to look hideous. Which I did.

My daughter prefers her hair a little shorter, and that’s fine with me. I’m not opposed to short hair in general. On me, I’d rather have long hair.

Also? My hair is really, really curly. If it were straight it would be down to my butt, I think. If it were short? I’d look like: Shirley Temple, The Haggard Years.

So yeah. I want to avoid that. Life is hard enough.


Sleeping Mommy said...

"98.5% of the time, I completely adore him
1.5% of the time, I want to stab him while he sleeps."

That sums up my feelings for my husband pretty well except I think I'd have to change the percentages just slightly to

95% of the time I adore him and 5% of the time I want to stab him the neck.

It's a slight change but one that needs to be made to fit our home. I can't say with truthfullness that I am only really ticked at him 1.5% of the time. He can be a real jackass sometimes--but mostly I totally know how lucky I am.

Sleeping Mommy

Kimberly said...

What an odd question...considering the name of the blog and all. I think the percentages come out fairly accurately in your posting about him.

Anonymous said...

I do NOT eat corn. It's just wrong.

frannie said...

boy child cracks me up!

Shari said...

Awesome... yes you are!

janet said...

yeah, and what IS it about corn that it comes out whole, even if you freakin' CHEW IT UP????

whew. glad i got that out of my system.

Morgan Leigh said...

My little brother went through that phase as well, constantly going on about pooping.. Ewwwww..


Angie said...

You are wonderful, my friend. I'd say more, but with every word (spoken or typewritten) I am barking (coughing) like a seal running for its life.

I'm about ready to just let them club me.

Please. . .no I am *not* hostile toward animals, or making light of this particularly insane form of torture. I just feel like crap.

Seriously. . .I swear to frog.

JUST A MOM said...

I only wish my hair was thick enough for it to be long agian... like the poop stuff.

Rachel said...

There could only be one Boy Child!

I am kinda jealous that you got him.

julie said...

OMG. You said 'white ice cream'. I can't wait to tell my mom that other people say that, too.

Stella Nobody said...

Chick, I love your blog. I love it so fricking much you've inspired me to write my own! Check it out some time.
You are wonderful!
With much love, hope you're having a great week

Stella Nobody said...

Well I think you're pretty!
Maybe we should have a hair-ff? Battle to the death using only our hair as weapons? Or maybe see how many people we can each shove into our hair? I warn you...mine's pretty damn big!

SJ said...

Oh I can totally relate to the poop talk. I mean come on, I live in a house full of BOYS.

Please pray for me.