Sunday, January 13, 2008

Deductive reasoning skills.

Boy Child likes to accompany me to the market on Sundays.


Well, "likes" is probably a strong word. He goes with me because he enjoys talking. Excessively. And I'll play his favorite game which is "Guess which Animal I am!" and he can totally always beat me because I say things like, "I'm small and brown and eat nuts" and he goes, "A squirrel" and then the whole game is over and it's his turn and he says something like, "I'm a flightless bird...I don't have any wings....I'm the symbol of New Zealand..." and like, two hours later I'm still guessing and he, very gently says, "Mom? Are you sure you went to college?" because he was talking about the Kiwi. Of course.

But anyway, he goes with me. And holds the coupons while I shop.

So there is this particular aisle in the store called the "Snack" aisle. On this aisle are the chips and beer.

We don't drink alcohol, but Boy Child seems to think this is hilarious and always says, "Look at me! I like chips and beer!" and pretends he's drunk.

No. I don't know where he got that. I blame television.

Anyway, today we are in the chips and beer aisle debating the merits of plain salted chips and Doritos when a man came down the aisle with approximately two hundred children, all under the age of six.

Okay, there were five of them. And they were all walking. But they were all really young.

No, he was not a youth pastor taking the children on a field trip. He was there to get his chips and beer.

Four of his five children ran into my shopping cart while I was looking at the Cool Ranch Doritos. To his credit, he apologized for his rag-tag bunch, all of whom had on short-sleeves and flip-flops.

Boy Child was watching them intently and had that LOOK on his face. At which time I began to pray.

Because as every mother of a child who sometimes speaks out of turn knows, when they get that look on your face? You better start praying. Especially if who they are thinking about looks like he might put a cap in your ass.

Thankfully, Boy Child was silent until they left the aisle, all the little children toting six packs.

"Mom?" he said. "That guy bought a lot of beer."

"Yup," I said.

"Maybe that's how he got all those kids. Gah!"


Maybe so.



As we were driving home we were talking about what will happen when Boy Child becomes a teenager. It was all so wrong, particularly when he said, "Now, teenagers do sex, right?" but eventually the conversation came around to how he wants to get a part-time job after school, probably at Burger King, to give me money.

I explained to him that he didn't have to give me money, that I was his mother and it was my job to support him. That I thought having a part-time job was a good idea and it was always wise to learn how to earn your own money and manage it, but that I also wanted him to be able to enjoy his high-school years. That I wanted him to enjoy his life.

He was silent for a moment, that son of mine, and he said,

"Mom, don't you know? You're like, half of my life."



GAH. If I could put him in a box and keep him forever, I totally would. Just like he is today. Right now. Pretending to be drunk or not.

33 comments:

katydidnot said...

they do have their moments, don't they? it's what keeps us from selling them to gypsies.

Jenty said...

LMAO! He sounds like quite a character. I can just imagine having a conversation like that with my eldest son.. in a few years of course (he's also a chatterbox).

Catwoman said...

Oh my God... The sweetness that is Boy Child I can only hope that my Little Man will be half as great as him when he's nine.

Lisa said...

As the mother of a very similar almost 14 year old "Boy Child", I think we can rest assured that they will not be "doing sex" any time soon...har har har...however, yours is such a sweet talker, he may have a better chance than mine...

stepmomof2 said...

Gotta love boy child, lol. Reading this post just makes me smile! Hope you are having a great weekend :-)

Angie said...

I was already giggling when you said that you got "the look" from him before he spoke.

. . .and thank you. . you absolutely made my day by putting me on your blog roll!!!

Karen and Bill said...

That is the BEST age!! He must be 10, right? I LOVED 10, and 11. Those are great years; where you're still the center of their universe and they still think you rock. Unlike middle school and beyond, where they . . . oh never mind. I don't want to spoil the next two years. Just? Enjoy them. :-)

clara-runner said...

How precious!

Kellie said...

Awwww.....what a fantabulous child!!

Morgan Leigh said...

awwww....what a cutie.

:)

So sad, people that drink a lot, and subject their kids to it daily. It's selfish. Really.

:(

MdG said...

Mwaaaaa....
My heart, in a puddle, at my feet.
That is all.

Chelle said...

Love Boy Child :) Sounds like such a sweetie!

Jenski said...

Boy Child is so sweet! The best part is that kids are so honest. When they say, "Mom, don't you know? You're like, half of my life," they really mean it!

Kelly M said...

Oh wow...I bet that just melted your heart! I know it would mine!!

nailgirl said...

Oh priceless.

Dear God said...

*swoons*
He's such a sweet boy, Chick. No wonder you're so proud of him.

(pssst, I started a new blog..come visit original one...I just posted about it there;))

Sue said...

How much do I love Boy Child after reading this post?! THIIIIIIS MUCH. So cute.

A's Mom said...

Oh how cute! I hope my son says nice things about me when he grows up. They really do grow up way too fast.

yellowdog granny said...

i was sent here on the recommendations of ask and you shall receive...I never take advice from anyone but I did this once..and so glad I did..hug that beautiful boy...often and long..js

Edie said...

Boy Child has the HUGEST heart!!!

frannie said...

I can add this to the huge list of reasons why I love boychild!

theotherbear said...

Oh how sweet! You must feel so proud :)

Dawn~a~Bon said...

OK, my heart just melted into a soppy puddle.

Joy T. said...

"Maybe that's how he got all those kids" AAAAHAHAHAHA He's funny and a real sweet boy. You've done a great job!!

Heather said...

Oh, such a sweetie! Could you maybe bring him over every now and then? Let me get a charge off that?

Thanks for reading my blog, girl! Thought I would stop by... you fellow "highly rated Ask and Ye Shall Receive" blogger! :-)

SJ said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, what a sweet, sweet boy you have! He's a keeper for sure! And you are a great Momma.

Kimberly said...

That's so darn sweet I'm getting all weepy. I hope my kids turn out half so well as yours.

love bites said...

Awesome job on cleaning up your sidebar, Chick. You rock!

Heather said...

That's so sweet! And here? It's illegal to buy alcohol on a Sunday. If it is there, too, bet he felt crazy!

Rachel said...

Boys and their mothers. There is nothing that can replace that.

xoxoxo

Wenderina said...

Another priceless moment (or 2 or 3) from Boy Child.

MilitaryMom said...

Classic!

Stephanie said...

Those are the moments we live for, aren't they?