Saturday, April 05, 2008

Always something there to remind me.

Sometimes, it's something really small.

Like, sometimes? It's the side of your little face. Your dimples. Your lips.

Sometimes it's the way you laugh.

Honestly? Sometimes it's the way you struggle with certain things.

And how black your hair is.

Most of the time, it's nothing at all. Most of the time, for real, I don't even remember that he ever existed. It's like he was never there, was never a part of our life. I can't, even while trying, remember what he looks like.

But then sometimes? It all comes back to me.

Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it hurts really, really bad. Sometimes I think back and I wonder what might have been.

But really?

I'd do it all again. Because the broken road led me to this life.


Denise said...


frannie said...

beautiful family you got there.

Reluctant Housewife said...

What a lovely, happy picture and a lovely sentiment.

BS said...

I feel exactly the same way ... but the difference with me is, I have the boys and the constant reminders, but not the "big guy" like you have in your family picture. Someday ... maybe.

velocibadgergirl said...

I'm sending you hugs and smooches, and I also gave you and your kickass kids an award over on my site <3

Kimberly said...

I've known if for a long time but this is the perfect example of the fact that you are an incredible writer.

Not a blogger.

Not just some Chick who types away at her keyboard every now and then.

You are a writer. Truly.

Jocelyn said...

I am sometimes shocked at what a no-thinking dork I am. And how could I never have thought about the physical reminders in your children of that rat b******?

Anonymous said...

No shit... when your book gets published I'm going to camp out overnight to make sure I'm the first to get it. Before it sells out.

Angie said...

Talk about a beautiful post. This takes the cake, my friend.

Amira said...


Yeah, that hit me. Especially your last line.

As you know, my son's dad is still in our lives--but in that lovely, estranged kind of way.

I often look at my son when he's sleeping and see his dad in his face and wonder...How will I deal with this as he grows older?

SJ said...

Powerful words Chick. Powerful words.

PaintedPromise said...

wow Chick, i so live that - but like you, if i had to do it all again to get to where i am now and what i have now, i wouldn't hesitate! my kids rock and my husband is awesome. and if my life didn't have the crap, i would not appreciate what i have now!

Rachel said...

Sometimes its good to be reminded of what you have.